You might be a mall ninja if...
You've attempted to pick up a girl and take her to your basement lair with any of the following statements:
~ You ready for my "Tactical Entry Device?"
~ Mind if I breach from the rear?
~ You know what they say about Geckos, don't you?
~ What's your caliber of choice?
~ My ASP ain't a snake, baby.
~ If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put "U" and "I" together, right next to the "H" and "K".
~ I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. And, I just accidentally shot my mom in the chest with a less-lethal beanbag.
~ Wanna party? It'd be you, me, Smith and Wesson.
You sincerely refer to yourself as a "hyper-aware sheepdog", even though your 10 year-old sister is able to routinely sneak up and de-pants you at family gatherings.
You roll out of bed and grab your tacticool SPAS every time your dog scratches at the bedroom door.
You have a female name for each of your firearms, because that's what real operators do (according to Gunnery Sergeant Hartman).
Your 3 year-old son has ever imitated daddy by walking around yelling "This is my rifle, this is my gun..."
You loudly whisper in movies that you could "take that p***y Jason Statham."
You named any of your pets "Jason Bourne."
You can't tell the difference between a firecracker, car back-fire or blown tire, yet you retrieve your Jennings .22 and clear the house anyway.
You begin every story by talking about "my friend, this guy who was in SpecOps for 10 years..."