You might be a mall ninja

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You might be a mall ninja if...

You've attempted to pick up a girl and take her to your basement lair with any of the following statements:

~ You ready for my "Tactical Entry Device?"

~ Mind if I breach from the rear?

~ You know what they say about Geckos, don't you?

~ What's your caliber of choice?

~ My ASP ain't a snake, baby.

~ If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put "U" and "I" together, right next to the "H" and "K".

~ I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. And, I just accidentally shot my mom in the chest with a less-lethal beanbag.

~ Wanna party? It'd be you, me, Smith and Wesson.



You sincerely refer to yourself as a "hyper-aware sheepdog", even though your 10 year-old sister is able to routinely sneak up and de-pants you at family gatherings.

You roll out of bed and grab your tacticool SPAS every time your dog scratches at the bedroom door.

You have a female name for each of your firearms, because that's what real operators do (according to Gunnery Sergeant Hartman).

Your 3 year-old son has ever imitated daddy by walking around yelling "This is my rifle, this is my gun..."

You loudly whisper in movies that you could "take that p***y Jason Statham."

You named any of your pets "Jason Bourne."

You can't tell the difference between a firecracker, car back-fire or blown tire, yet you retrieve your Jennings .22 and clear the house anyway.

You begin every story by talking about "my friend, this guy who was in SpecOps for 10 years..."
 
You consider this a grievous misrepresentation of your "profession"... but only your friends agree that it's inaccurate.
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Cool imagine doing a 10-59 of the GAP on a Segway, or rolling on a 488.

Being a Mall Cop is just a highly respected, dangerous job to most people, but to the men and women who are sworn to protect our nations retail outlets, its a way of life.
 
OK I've got one!

you might be a mall ninja

if you have a 37mm flare launcher slung underneath your AR 15 to make it look like it is a m203 grenade launcher :D
 
Say things like, roger, good copy, wait one, etc...while on a cell phone.

When asked to spell something i.e. "rat" instead of r as in Ron, a as in apple, t as in Tom, you roll off Romeo Alpha Tango.

Still makes you crazy when someone says "o" not zero.
 
Whoaaaa, hold on a minnnnnute.......
I work in a tech/electrical field. Anyone who says" B as in boy" or gives a phone # as 77Oh gets a reprimand.
Don't confuse mall ninja with clarity.
OK, hair on back going back down again.

If you think gecko45 was wrongly bounced off a number of forums, you might be a mall ninja.
 
When asked to spell something i.e. "rat" instead of r as in Ron, a as in apple, t as in Tom, you roll off Romeo Alpha Tango.
Click to expand...

Hell, I am still on Able Baker Charlie, never did get all the new ones....
 
Sorry Jason, should have been more clear. My coworkers look at me cross eyed crazy when any of the Army vernacular slips out. The "He thinks he's Rambo" looks I get is where I was going. Wrong direction I see!
 
Maybe if:

You think a double-barrel derringer is a viable defense weapon.
You think a single shot derringer is a viable defense weapon, if it's a Colt.
You have a tomahawk, referred to as a 'hawk.
You have either a Bowie knive, a commando dagger or a CIA letter opener.
 
This whole mall ninja thread is mildly humorous, but I can assure you that real ninjutsu is not.

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This is me practicing walking on air, thats right we ninjas can do that and many more amazing things.


ninja.jpg
 
You might be a mall ninja if...

You take MREs to work for lunch.

You wear face paint when taking out the garbage.

You operate a neighborhood watch that none of the other neighbors know about.

You painted your Crown Vic matte black to reduce it's radar signature.

You painted a yellow arrow with the word "RESCUE" in it on your car door, pointing at the handle.

Your "Plan A" for a home invasion involves duck taping a kitchen knife to a broomstick.
 
Well, how many gunfighters have trained by watching Tom Cruise in Collateral!
Click to expand...


That's almost too close to home... As i don't "train" with it, if you follow the youtube link in my signature... You'll see that i found it amusing with a good twist
 
Nate, what's your 'walking on air' hang time? Over 30 secs. and I'll be impressed. I'm still working on Buddist levitation. Also into martial arts for 44 yrs.
 
You may be a mall ninja if.....

Your AR's accessories cost more than the gun itself

You mount a scope on your auto pistol

You use the term "Deagle"

You think an RPG-7 is a necessity for home-defence

You prefer bolt-actions over semi autos because you think it's fun to work the action

You bump fire a .22
 
You hang out in gunshops and jump at any opportunity to make broad statements like : (quote) BTW - I have personally seen ALL these.....

" Man it's good to be back 'in-country".

"At one time I was issued that weapon, but I can't talk about it. Let's just say I work for 'an un-named federal agency'.
(or a variation): "The place I work doesn't exist" - chuckle, chuckle.

Once saw a mall security officer bearing a physical resemblance to Barney Fife in a shop, looking at handguns. Overheard him say: "Well, when you're in my line of work, you've gotta have the BEST".
(spit came out my nose.....)
 
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