You might be a mall ninja

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Our very own ninja; SPUCG

You fantasize about a select fire g3ka4 in 338 lapua magnum that shooots minuite of angle (1 inch at 10 yards)
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You think MOA (minute of angle) is 1 inch at 10 yards; it is actually a little over 1 inch at 100 yards.

I guess you ninja types don't consider them viable targets at that far of a distance. Nor do they think they need to use spell check.
 
Gecko45, in charge of a Fast Action Response Team...

I have no clue what he knows about guns but he should be writing screenplays, he is one funny cat...
 
This whole mall ninja thread is mildly humorous, but I can assure you that real ninjutsu is not.



This is me practicing walking on air, thats right we ninjas can do that and many more amazing things
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Nice try Nate45 but not good enough.....
MallNinja.jpg



HiYAAH!!!!
 
I am not a mall ninja, I speak only the truth. I put it upon myself to secure the neighborhood. Today I grabbed my tactical gear, Including 2 steel plates, a vest of ceramic plates, tactical antiflash sunglasses and select fire FAL paratrooper carbine chambered in 375 H&H and walked outside, greeting my neighbors. I then saw a drug deal. The tangos were in an alley and I marched right up, telling them to get down on the ground. One pulled a sawed-of pistol grip only garand and opened up, i stood there while my superior armor absorbed wimpy 30-06 rounds and I unloaded a mag on him. The other two dodged. I rolled, Pulled my backup gun, a snubnosed smith and wesson model 500 survival revolver and Fired all 5 rounds in rapid succession. The last drug dealer charged me and i used superior martial arts training to subdue him. I am no hero. Just an ordinary guy doing my duty. This is the type of stuff I deal with in my daily life. Imagine how it is for those in Retail Security, the most well trained professionals.............wow im bored to come up with that
 
You might be a mall ninja if

You are up at 1 a.m. sitting at your computer in your underwear eating ramin noodles holding nunchukus in your lap seeing if you've done anything on this list.
 
You might be a mall-ninja if...

You wear Ray Ban sunglasses while indoors at the mall.

You call anyone in uniform who carries a weapon a sheepdog. Everyone else is a "sheep".

Anyone you see wearing loose, baggy clothes is a "gangbanger" and anyone in dirty clothes is a "suspect".

You buy a Ford Crown Victoria at a police auction because it has twin spotlights.

Then install a push-bar.
And a police scanner.
And fog lights on the package shelf for your "ambers".
And a $299 refurbished Dell laptop on a kludge stand facing the driver's seat.
But can't afford to replace the leaky water pump or fix squeaky fan belts.


You buy an AR-15 then proceed to add so many rails and attachments that it weighs as much as an M1918 BAR.

You proclaim the movement techniques taught by Clint Smith, Todd Jarrett, Blackwater, etc. to be obsolete - mostly because your thighs are so big you can't actually put one foot in front of the other.

You own a ghillie suit and think it will help you blend in, in the "urban jungle".

But that's okay the nearest wooded area is the 600 sq yard public park 3 miles away.

You only carry "high powered" weapons - like 9mm and .40 S&W pistols.

You put down as "obsolete" or "old school" calibers like .357 or .45... but think the 9mm round is "new school" (despite it being invented in 1902).

You spend your off-time on Friday and Saturday nights using Flitz to polish your ammo's brass while watching COPS, CHIPS or SWAT reruns.

You carry a spare handcuff key on each of your keyrings, sewn in a pocket in the back of all your pants and inside one shoe, just in case you're overwhelmed and taken hostage.

And you can't make up some of this stuff.
From Gecko45's website:
Always carry some FMJ bullets on which you slit an X on the point, making them incredibly powerful.
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You endlessly debate how the 9mm (or .40 S&W) has more "stopping power" than the .357 Magnum.

You can't afford a taser, so you buy a lefty holster and fill it with an Airsoft G17 as your "Less-Than-Lethal Option".
Extra Ninja points if you put the Taser logo on the grip.

You equip your Glock with a Laser sight AND a rail-mounted flashlight in case some nutjob starts shooting up the mall during a power failure.

You speak in ten-code to friends, like "Sorry, on Thursday I'll be 10-8 at the mall." Or "Just 10-21 me tomorrow afternoon."

You claim to have been taught the art of sniping by Carlos Hathcock, but you weren't born until after 1987.

When your named is mentioned in the presense of any local LEO, he closes his eyes and counts to twenty before saying anything.
 
When your named is mentioned in the presense of any local LEO, he closes his eyes and counts to twenty before saying anything.
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ROFLMFAO!!!

When my mother worked dispatch for our local county mounties and DPS, alot of the LEOs were like this about some people in our town, and it was usually the same people in and out of the jail there. One guy was there so much I think he actually had his mail fowarded to the jail.. LOL!
 
If you ever say:

Modifying the AR 15 to accept .338 Lapua ammunition will require serious work by your gunsmith. Instead consider something like the proven .499 Leitner Wise round. It should be very easy to find a conversion kit. The .499 is obviously just one thousandth less powerful than the .50 BMG, and we all know the .50 kills people from more than a mile away.
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or

REvolovers don't hold nearly enough bullets for the kind of real world missions me and my team have to face every day on teh battlefield. Combat isn't like being on the range. In combat you may need to fire 10, 15, even 20 bullets before you hit someone who is trying to escape with stolen goods from a store. Once they get past seven yards, it gets even harder. No revolver even the 8 shot ones are capable of handling that.

Revolvers are also really really slow to reload. Sure there are fancy high tek ways to get around tht problem but who wants to rely on technoligy? I'd rather just use a modern semiauto.

there is nothing you can do with a .460 revolver that you can't achieve with a good .45 and some black powder. 200gr at 2300 fett per second? No problem. I haven't tried it myself but I'm sure it can be done.

But all of that pales in comparison to the biggest prblem with revolvers. It is easy for any PETA-trained skateboard riding ecotango to shut your revolver down in one felt swoop. All he (or she!) has to do is reach out and hold the cylinder - the round part that spins around - tightly. Just like that, the gun can't fire. We've done it many times in our training cycles and at least half the time it works. The last thing you want to have happen is to have some girl wrapping her hands around your cylinder so tight you can't make it go off
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or

You can come on the internet ans say anything you want. 3 inches at 30 yards. Yeah right. That's minute of angle (1 inch at 10 yards is MOA). We have expertly modified assault rifles tat aren't that accurate.
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i love how gecko has supreme tactical skills but his grammar is at 3rd grade level


how bout this one

The trick with ice storms is that they can really mess up your gear. When our perimter patrol teams need to operate in the cold, we keep our weapons in a warm pizza delivery pouch that the local Dominos donated. Keeping your gear warm is critical. The oil used in firearms can freeze and you can't afford to have your gun frozen in a fight.

Also get salt rock. We keep more than ton of it here at the facility and even at home I always have at least one or two 50 pound bags. Pour salt rock on anything and the ice will melt.

I never thought of this before but I bet you could pour salt rock into water and then dump your guns in there overnight. That would probably work better than oil and would definitely protect them against freezing.
 
I never thought of this before but I bet you could pour salt rock into water and then dump your guns in there overnight. That would probably work better than oil and would definitely protect them against freezing.
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that is awesome!!!!
 
does anyone know how one can apply for the Mall Fast Action Response Team (F.A.R.T.)?
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This information is highly classified as rule number 1 of the FART is don't talk about the FART. But I will divulge the information at great risk to my personal safety.

Step 1 for getting into the FART is:

MexicanFood.jpg


Step 2 is to include plenty of:

toiletpaper.jpg


In your tactical combat loadout in case any situation involving the FART should turn dangerously explosive.

Should you do these things you too can be a member of the FART.
 
You might be a mall-ninja if only drive surplus fleet vehicles.

Extra points if you add a fleet number to your POV (and refer to it as a POV) with stick-ons from the mailbox section at Home Depot!
 
If you complain on TFL, that Target doesn't sell targets.

You actually buy your edged weapons from the mall knife store (assuming that they don't have some great sale).
 
If you wear home made armor usinf a multi pocket tool apron and ceramic plates, bought on sale at cracker barrel or homegoods, and duct tape.

y
 
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