You might be a mall ninja

Status
Not open for further replies.
It really isn't necessary to encourage us:

You consider "rite-in-the-rain notebooks to be essential kit.

You use the word "kit" a lot.

You own sandbags.

You have a signaling mirror.

You try not to use the word "petrol" in mixed company (or "mogas" either).

When you say "biscuit" you mean something besides what it means in Georgia. Not that Georgia, the other one.

Have copius numbers of bullet hole stickers on everything.

Would have a custom license plate referring to something gun related but all the first choices are gone already.

Have a bumper sticker that says "Insured by Smith & Wesson."

Uses the word "Antebellum" more than "Parabellum."
 
Well, how about Sting - Frodo's sword from the LOTR - I see them on sale at the gun show.

I think they glow blue when the UN is coming to take your guns.
Click to expand...
ROFLMAO!! :D

FWIW I agree that edged weapons in themselves don't identify one as a mall ninja. Here are some more criteria:

  • All of your edged weapons were purchased at flea markets, or at a gun show from the same table that sells cheap, shiny Chinese toys with blinky lights and/or "collectible" historical soldier action figures.
  • You own a cheap Chinese replica of a sword from a popular fantasy movie, a Claymore-style broadsword, or a set of samurai swords. Double mall-ninja points if they're displayed with pride on your mantle.
  • You've ever struck samurai-style poses in front of a mirror with your cheap Chinese replica samurai swords. Double mall-ninja points if you've posted pictures online. Triple mall-ninja points if you've posted a Youtube video.
  • You're convinced that you are a skilled swordfighter and could be a samurai, yet you've never taken any lessons, and the only things you know about samurai culture and Japanese history were picked up by watching the movie The Last Samurai starring Tom Cruise.
  • You own replica "Japanese ninja throwing stars".
 
I carry a clip knife in my front pocket while I am at work. Ditto for field dressings and a write in the rain notebook..

I own sand bags (they keep hurricane flood waters out). Most people in my area of Florida have them. Shoot, the local governments GIVE them away (along with the sand). It is stored in the shed next to my precut plywood that I use for window covering.

I have a signal mirror.


The longer this thread goes, the more it appears like I am a mall ninja.
 
You're convinced that you are a skilled swordfighter and could be a samurai, yet you've never taken any lessons, and the only things you know about samurai culture and Japanese history were picked up by watching the movie The Last Samurai starring Tom Cruise.
Click to expand...

Well, how many gunfighters have trained by watching Tom Cruise in Collateral!
 
"You are looking for a striped navy style t-shirt because that's what Russian airborne troops wear and you have a Russophile streak and that would just about satisify it."

Damn looks like I've been found out. Well, I look good in stripes anyway. Also, dark blue is for navy/marines, light blue stripes are for special forces.

Crap I think I just gave myself double points for knowing the difference.

I guess I'll go polish the buttons on my shinel and go goose stepping like the guys at the Red Square after countless hours of practicing by watching it on youtube.:D:D
 
The references to Tom Cruise got me to thinking about other pop-culture-related mall-ninja-isms. :)
  • Any of your gun purchasing choices have been seriously influenced by what a favorite character in a movie or video game uses.
  • You own a poster of Chuck Norris. Double mall-ninja points if you own a life-size stand-up cardboard cutout of same.
  • You feel that Steven Seagal doesn't get his due as a serious actor.
  • You've memorized Samuel L. Jackson's "biblical" speech from Pulp Fiction in case you ever have the opportunity to use it in a real-life tactical situation.
  • Quentin Tarantino's Kill Bill movies are some of your all-time favorites, but you don't understand that they're meant to be satirical.
  • You own a black ankle-length smock like that worn by Keanu Reeves/Neo in the Matrix trilogy. Double mall-ninja points for posing with dual-wielded guns while wearing same.
  • You think that any gun-related action sequence or scene in Wanted is even remotely realistic or possible.
:D
 
You might be a mall ninja if...

The only time you capitalize is when you are using acronyms.

You think the Hi Point is a "virtual copy" of the HK USP.

When someone asks you if you can hear them, you say "5x5."

You own more spare magazines that socks. And you don't own the gun they go to.

Your emergency preparedness kit includes throwing knives.

You routinely change up the route you take from your gaming chair to the bathroom, to throw off anyone who might be "casing" you.

You have ever worn a sword on your back.

You purchased most of your apartment's decor from the BUDK catalog.

You've purchased anything from the BUDK catalog since you were 16.
 
Mall Ninja

If you wear 5.11 khaki's to church and job interviews.
If you've been waiting for your background to come back for the last 6 years to get into your local police academy.
If you drive around in your car with a police scanner waiting to "assist your local PD".
If you carry an ASP around in your back pocket as your non leathal option.
If you have a Kubaton on your key ring and have no idea how to use it.
If you have to have your hi-point 9mm within arms length while watching reruns of COPS.
If you carry around a concealed carry badge in your wallet or on a lanyard around your neck...just in case.
If you have store credit at your local Army Surplus store.
:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
 
Dave85 said:
The only time you capitalize is when you are using acronyms.

You think the Hi Point is a "virtual copy" of the HK USP.

When someone asks you if you can hear them, you say "5x5."

You own more spare magazines that socks. And you don't own the gun they go to.

Your emergency preparedness kit includes throwing knives.

You routinely change up the route you take from your gaming chair to the bathroom, to throw off anyone who might be "casing" you.

You have ever worn a sword on your back.

You purchased most of your apartment's decor from the BUDK catalog.

You've purchased anything from the BUDK catalog since you were 16.
Click to expand...

some of the best yet!:D
 
-you have no idea what .380, 9mm, .357, 10mm, .40, and .45 in the names of calibers means

-you have no idea what the second 30 in 30-30 means

-you have no idea what the 06 in 30-06 means

-you think sectional density is how close they put the seats at the ballpark

-you want to join the SWAT team but don't know what SWAT means

-you frequently wake up with the sheets wet after dreaming about
13490.jpg
(the guns not the man)
 
you actually watch walker texas ranger...

you call every gun a "9" even if its not

you cant identify any gun not used in video games

you buy tactical home goods, such as digital camo couch covers and military dishwasher

You can't decide if chuck norris, Steven Segal or Jean Claude Van Damme is your favorite actor

you seriously consider buying an AR psitol, double mall ninja points if you decide to carry it

You consider an ar15 a deer/elk rifle

you room clear your house at regular intervals

you want this:

http://www.thefiringline.com/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=40177&d=1230490211

double pointsif you still dont notice it would be scrapi ng the ground

if you think a taurus judge is even remotely well made or a good idea

double points if you think it will serve as a masterkey

http://www.thefiringline.com/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=41992&d=1233878192
 
Note to self: buy waterproof keyboard.

"You think about guns more than sex"
How about, you think talking about guns will get you sex.
You read threads like this for "ideas".
You repeat those ideas on other sites as suggestions.
You've even contemplated building a bug-out-barrow.
You use phrases like "we're at DEFCON 3 here" and are not in the military, nor have ever been.
 
to clarify...

Camo, signal mirrors, and edged weapons are OK if you used them in the service, right? I still have most of my utes and wear them for assorted purposes (laundry day, hiking, drinking) as well as a boot camp issued signal mirror, but I only carry it when I'm camping. And I always keep my trusty ol' KA-BAR in my car since I don't always carry CCW... but I'm sure I'm not a mall ninja. I don't even go to the mall without my better half dragging me.
 
You might be a mall ninja...

If you refuse to own a handgun that hasn't been given a 20,000+ round "tortue test" without any malfunction.

If you believe that the above "tortue test" actually has some practical importance in the situations you would use it for which in reality only involves shooting holes in paper targets.

If the accesories on your AR15 cost twice as much as actual rifle itself.

If your base any firearm purchase on whether or not you can peform a "tactical" reload quickly.

If you refuse to own any handgun that doesn't have a rail on it.

If your refuse to own any firearm that isn't matte black because a silver firearm would give away your position in a night time, tactical fire fight.

If you refuse to shoot any ammo that isn't a "hollow point".

If refuse to own any firearm that isn't semi-auto because everything else(revolvers, lever action, bolt action, etc.) just don't offer enough fire power for your needs(Again, shooting holes in paper targets).

If you believe bump firing an AK or AR15 would be a practical way to stop a frontal assault on your home by a large number of enemies.

If you have several 100+ round AK drum mags loaded at all times because you "never know" how many intruders might break into your house.

If before purchasing a new gun you always look at Tapco's website to see what accessories are available for the gun in question.

If you modified an AK to kind of look like a M4 with the above Tapco products.

If you love having fake suppressors on your rifles.

If your only use expensive, self defense ammo when shooting your guns(Again, at paper targets at the range).

If your refuse to own an handgun or rifle that isn't "match grade accurate" yet all you do is spray and pray Wolf ammo at the range at what else but.......paper targets.

If you practice "duel wielding" two handguns at the range.

If you believe that new firearm designs are inherently better than old designs just because the new designs are "cutting edge technology" instead of "relics".

If you only base the effectiveness of ammo on how many Ft lbs it has at the muzzle.

If you have any youtube.com videos of yourself rapidly shooting any military style firearm.

If you CCW a Desert Eagle.

If you believe the Desert Eagle is the most powerful handgun in the world.

If you believe the Desert Eagle was designed in Israel for Special Forces.

If you believe the Desert Eagle was designed in Israel for border patrol agents to shoot into engines blocks for cars that attempt to bust through border stops.

If you own a large collection of semi auto "machine pistols". Like the UZI pistol, AR15 pistol, AK pistols, MP5 pistol, etc.

That's all I got. Its in good fun I don't mean to ruffle anyones feathers.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top