my girl friend hates guns...help?
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chris in va
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My friend used to be very wary of firearms too, after her ex pointed a gun at her in anger.
Anyhoo, just don't pressure her. Don't try to state your case, or otherwise 'win her over'. Go about your normal routine of carrying for now.
Over time you may want to drop subtle hints that cops aren't there for personal protection. Show her the average response times if 911 is called. Maybe leave the paper on the table that has the local crime blotter.
It takes time, and sometimes they don't come around so be prepared for that.
Anyhoo, just don't pressure her. Don't try to state your case, or otherwise 'win her over'. Go about your normal routine of carrying for now.
Over time you may want to drop subtle hints that cops aren't there for personal protection. Show her the average response times if 911 is called. Maybe leave the paper on the table that has the local crime blotter.
It takes time, and sometimes they don't come around so be prepared for that.
You can attempt to reason with her, Pax's website among other resources are useful in this, however at the end of the day I think the two of you may view the world differently at a very basic level.
The whole quote about her father is very telling to me. It tells me that she may continue to compare you to her father in other areas as well. If you and her father view the world in significantly different ways (which it sounds like you probably do) then your lifestyle will probably not be compatible with the one she was brought up in. If this is the case, then I doubt you will be able to reconcile the differences between your chosen lifestyles as one of you will have to compromise that which makes you happy in order to be able to live with the other. This type of relationship almost never works out in my experience.
The whole quote about her father is very telling to me. It tells me that she may continue to compare you to her father in other areas as well. If you and her father view the world in significantly different ways (which it sounds like you probably do) then your lifestyle will probably not be compatible with the one she was brought up in. If this is the case, then I doubt you will be able to reconcile the differences between your chosen lifestyles as one of you will have to compromise that which makes you happy in order to be able to live with the other. This type of relationship almost never works out in my experience.
orionengnr
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The world her father grew up in is not the world we live in today.
DO NOT make her your wife until you have resolved this issue.
If she enjoyed shooting the .22, buy her a .22 and allow her to gain confidence and proficiency while enjoying it. It's not an arms race--she doesn't need to master a .45 immediately.
Definitely read pax's site.
If you are an NRA member (and shame on you if you aren't) the front of the magazine has "The Armed Citizen" each month. Plenty of examples of good, law-abiding citizens who never thought they'd need to protect themselves, but did, successfully. Lots of happy endings. Lots of evidence of what our world is today. Lots of reasons to own a gun, and to carry it.
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S&W-Keeper
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Find a new girlfriend,there are a lot of them around.
I can't think of a better way to word that.
Gun Propaganda is rediculous. Everyone has been victimized by it. The problem is, Some people have made up their mind without considering the facts. Yes a gun is extremely dangerous in certain hands. But it doesn't require a Navy Seal Pin to have one, but on the contrary! Any adult with a fully functional brain is capable. Let her know that her dad not owning/needing one is irrelivant and that her circumstances may be VASTLY different. I've never been in a car wreck so a seatbelt has been totally useless to me my whole life. But my friend didn't wear his for a 3 block drive and he's now dead. She may say that's different but it's not at all!
I absolutely believe I must be able to be the person I am in a relationship.
I won't be told to give up my guns by anyone,and an ultimatum will not work on me.
Thing is,that works both ways.The other half has arrived at being who they are,and I can respect,and work with,a different point of view.Why deliver an ultimatum to them?
Any relationship has differences.It is about how you deal with them.
It is just as narrow to reject someone who fears guns as it is to reject someone who has guns.
I won't be told to give up my guns by anyone,and an ultimatum will not work on me.
Thing is,that works both ways.The other half has arrived at being who they are,and I can respect,and work with,a different point of view.Why deliver an ultimatum to them?
Any relationship has differences.It is about how you deal with them.
It is just as narrow to reject someone who fears guns as it is to reject someone who has guns.
Baba Louie
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You said she had fun shooting your sister's .22, right? (hint hint) You said you came on too strong perhaps, correct? (2nd hint hint) The "My Dad" comparison... probably a normal comparison in the overall scheme of relationships (maybe a 3rd hint, maybe not).
Any chance of you inviting "Dad" out to do some light plinking w/ a .22? Maybe getting a chance to do some (ahem) "bonding" with a chance to discuss "family values as related to self and family protection"?
Some people, maybe most, fear the unknown. Loud noises, explosions, etc can be off putting or downright scary to some. Some people will face that fear and attempt to conquer it. Others... may not. My GF, who holds a black belt in Aikido, owns a sweet little HK USC 9 but has "loud noise" issues (even w/ earplugs and muffs) and works hard on getting good groups, but her flinch is evident and she no smiles as a result. Put a Marlin 39 loaded w/ .22 shorts in her hands and she's Annie Oakley w/ a smile that lights me up. She does quite well w/ an AR15 but not so much shooting the Mausers...
You say she's a keeper.
Then... Keep. It. Fun. (and always safety safety safety)
If that means .22's forever, nothing wrong with that at all. They come in all types and flavors, from cowboy plinkers up to Olympic quality target rifles. Cheap to feed, reactive targets, praise, smiles, FUN. Perhaps a class or two together. Maybe a monthly family range outing w/ dinner to follow... knitting by the fireside to close out the evening, perhaps.
As you can tell by all the responses, there is no single pat answer. Education is a start, safety a must, sublime responsibility and respect imperative... hopefully you two can grow old together, taking care of each others needs. Even if that means you agree to disagree on some things while always trying to find common ground on others.
If it becomes a control issue, that's another story you'll need to address at some point. Maybe. Maybe not.
But whadda I know?
Any chance of you inviting "Dad" out to do some light plinking w/ a .22? Maybe getting a chance to do some (ahem) "bonding" with a chance to discuss "family values as related to self and family protection"?
Some people, maybe most, fear the unknown. Loud noises, explosions, etc can be off putting or downright scary to some. Some people will face that fear and attempt to conquer it. Others... may not. My GF, who holds a black belt in Aikido, owns a sweet little HK USC 9 but has "loud noise" issues (even w/ earplugs and muffs) and works hard on getting good groups, but her flinch is evident and she no smiles as a result. Put a Marlin 39 loaded w/ .22 shorts in her hands and she's Annie Oakley w/ a smile that lights me up. She does quite well w/ an AR15 but not so much shooting the Mausers...
You say she's a keeper.
Then... Keep. It. Fun. (and always safety safety safety)
If that means .22's forever, nothing wrong with that at all. They come in all types and flavors, from cowboy plinkers up to Olympic quality target rifles. Cheap to feed, reactive targets, praise, smiles, FUN. Perhaps a class or two together. Maybe a monthly family range outing w/ dinner to follow... knitting by the fireside to close out the evening, perhaps.
As you can tell by all the responses, there is no single pat answer. Education is a start, safety a must, sublime responsibility and respect imperative... hopefully you two can grow old together, taking care of each others needs. Even if that means you agree to disagree on some things while always trying to find common ground on others.
If it becomes a control issue, that's another story you'll need to address at some point. Maybe. Maybe not.
But whadda I know?
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RainbowBob
New member
Apparently..quite a lot, Baba Louie. Great post that actually addresses the OP's question thoughtfully and constructively while not ignoring the fact that he specifically stated he does not want to "dump her".
I'm gonna try to get my wife shootin' the .22.
And it looks like you did everything in your power to keep it that way! I'm sure you weren't intentionally trying to sabotage the situation, but starting her out on a .45 ACP is a great way to do exactly that. This is a common and often fatal mistake shooters make when trying to introduce a neophyte to shooting. Let them spend a day shooting a .22 or even a pellet gun, and then you will have them begging for you to bring out the big stuff.
Glenn E. Meyer
New member
I've not read the whole thread but that never stops anyone on the Internet.
So:
1. Pax's site - a great resource.
2. The young lady's fear is not irrational. Dealing with instruments of lethal force and training to use them is a legitimate reason to be scared. If you regard the fear as irrational - then you are part of the problem.
3. Here's a good read. Gun Women By Mary Zeiss Stange, Carol K. Oyster. I have had young women who were not predisposed to like guns think the book is convincing. A rational approach is better.
So:
1. Pax's site - a great resource.
2. The young lady's fear is not irrational. Dealing with instruments of lethal force and training to use them is a legitimate reason to be scared. If you regard the fear as irrational - then you are part of the problem.
3. Here's a good read. Gun Women By Mary Zeiss Stange, Carol K. Oyster. I have had young women who were not predisposed to like guns think the book is convincing. A rational approach is better.
Shadi Khalil
New member
Lets make that a stickey.
chemgirlie
New member
I dated a not-so-into-guns guy once. But he wasn't against me owning them, just preferred not to do so himself. I was okay with it. Pax's website is really great for introducing your lady to guns and gun safety. I think taking a gun safety course with her might also be a good thing. It would show her that you are willing to go out of your way to learn about gun safety (even if you already know it upside down and backwards).
Firepower!
New member
After carefully pondering upon possible solutions for your predicament, I say leave her as soon as you read this post. Trust me she cant be worth it if she doesnt appreciate your independence and interests. You are not married, no kids, had your three years... time to move to next one that will shoot your guns with you. Dont worry there are other fish in water and then you have TFL to comfort you.
If one partner in a relationship absolutely hates and fears a thing that is vitally important to the other, it might work out if and only if the fearful/hateful one agrees to never, ever try to force the other to give up the important thing.
Personally, I've never seen that happen.
What I have seen, over and over, is someone forced to get rid of the (fill in the blank) to his or her ongoing regret. And since needing that level of control is a symptom of other issues, the relationship usually falls apart.
It's okay for both partners to have different interests. It's even okay if the gun owner is uncomfortable with the gun hater's defenselessness. But it's not okay for the gun hater to tell the gun owner, "Get rid of those things, or else."
Kind of like it's not okay for the gun owner to say, "Learn to shoot and like it, or else."
My guns, horses, dogs, and cars are NOT negotiable. You don't have to like them, but try to tell me I can't have them and you can hit the road. Now.
And I'm female.
Personally, I've never seen that happen.
What I have seen, over and over, is someone forced to get rid of the (fill in the blank) to his or her ongoing regret. And since needing that level of control is a symptom of other issues, the relationship usually falls apart.
It's okay for both partners to have different interests. It's even okay if the gun owner is uncomfortable with the gun hater's defenselessness. But it's not okay for the gun hater to tell the gun owner, "Get rid of those things, or else."
Kind of like it's not okay for the gun owner to say, "Learn to shoot and like it, or else."
My guns, horses, dogs, and cars are NOT negotiable. You don't have to like them, but try to tell me I can't have them and you can hit the road. Now.
And I'm female.
Glenn E. Meyer
New member
Before you listen to all the relationship counselors here who blithely tell you split up with a loved oned - I would tell you that couples have worked out more serious problems than all of a sudden you become GUNBOY!
If you truly care about this person - you need to discuss this rationally and without posturing. An argument from a gun noobie and a threat to comply because all of a sudden you are enamoured with lethal force isn't really that convincing.
How can you convince her that you are a responsible gun owner and user. Have you sufficient training to convince her? Are you in ninja mode here?
Then if the relationship is serious, talk to a counselor - seek some assurances and compromise.
If a crappy Taurus PT-111 that is a few weeks old and owned by someone just into the game is more important than a 3 year relationship without significant effort to work it out, then she might get the better of the breakup deal.
Yep, she might be an evil woman trying to control your manhood - flee in terror. Or she might have some legit issues and concerns.
Any couple cannot maintain complete independence if that means one-sided I do what I want or else.
If you truly care about this person - you need to discuss this rationally and without posturing. An argument from a gun noobie and a threat to comply because all of a sudden you are enamoured with lethal force isn't really that convincing.
How can you convince her that you are a responsible gun owner and user. Have you sufficient training to convince her? Are you in ninja mode here?
Then if the relationship is serious, talk to a counselor - seek some assurances and compromise.
If a crappy Taurus PT-111 that is a few weeks old and owned by someone just into the game is more important than a 3 year relationship without significant effort to work it out, then she might get the better of the breakup deal.
Yep, she might be an evil woman trying to control your manhood - flee in terror. Or she might have some legit issues and concerns.
Any couple cannot maintain complete independence if that means one-sided I do what I want or else.
Ditch her!!! Trust me. Been there, done that - that's just the beginning of your problems with this girl.
The best thing you can do for yourself is own at least several good quality guns before you get into a serious relationship. You won't want to ditch your nice guns, and if the girl is a leftist gun cry-baby, that will be the ABSOLUTE BEST investment you ever made. She'll go find herself a "sensitive guy" to be her suck-up, and when she divorces him, takes his cars, his house, his fancy watches, and his expensive art collection, leaving him penniless, you'll thank me for this advice.
The best thing you can do for yourself is own at least several good quality guns before you get into a serious relationship. You won't want to ditch your nice guns, and if the girl is a leftist gun cry-baby, that will be the ABSOLUTE BEST investment you ever made. She'll go find herself a "sensitive guy" to be her suck-up, and when she divorces him, takes his cars, his house, his fancy watches, and his expensive art collection, leaving him penniless, you'll thank me for this advice.
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