wife getting close to compromise with guns :)

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I haven't read all the posts, so I will apologize up front if this is a repeat. NSSF has a program called first shots, you could check their website see if there are any events in your area. Or maybe a ladies only firearm safety course. Sometimes we are not the best options for teaching our loved ones.
Paul

http://www.nssf.org/FirstShots/
 
She countered by saying she doesn't like the idea of having a gun in such close proximity to where she sleeps.
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This suggests an inherent fear that the gun is going to do something by itself. You know this to be impossible.

I would do everything in my power to try to show her that it is an inanimate object, no different from a pair of pliers or any other tool.

I would consider a conversation centered around the fact that a gun makes the MOST sense in close proximity to where you sleep, because you spend a lot of time asleep in your bed- what is it, 1/3 of your life or thereabouts?. It's there and close by if you need it, not on the other side of the house.

Have either of you read up on the Petit murders in CT? I suggest considering that also. It can happen anywhere.

I do feel for you. It's a lousy position to be in, and I admire you for handling it well so far and being so considerate of her.
 
like I mentioned in an earlier thread, if I could find a solution to the space issue in my house i'd get a safe in a heartbeat.
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I tried to find an earlier thread where you mention your space concerns but I can't find any.

Space in your house is THAT tight? I remember looking at what Dick's Sporting Goods has on their website and I recall some locking cabinets (I don't want to launch the whole "What is needed in a safe?" discussion. I think some would say those "safes" aren't sufficient. I'm assuming given the space constraints as well as the issue at hand the real goal here is a lockable solution that helps the OP's wife feel calmer.) In any event, there seemed to be some solutions there that took up very little square footage and were reasonably tall. Back of a closet? Corner of a basement? In an attic?

I think it would be interesting to probe into the "....don't want it close to where I'm sleeping." comment. Does she know what the fear is? Accidental discharge? Some bad guy finding it and using it on you both? Some bad guy stealing it and using it to do bad stuff in the community? A fear that the presence in the home itself will cause it to get used on a bad guy when it's not warranted?

It seems to me in these situations just keep digging and probing. See if you can get to the core issue. Theoretically, if you both can acknowledge the core fear, then maybe an action or plan will become more evident.

OR
 
I remember my high school sweety telling me that I could go to college and study criminal justice and even join the police force-as long as I didn't have a gun. What a shame, I miss her sometimes. :D
I took a different route with my degree, but still collect guns.
 
I've been married three times and the present Mrs. Fathead is the final one. We dated near twenty years ago but I wasn't ready, too immature and such. I have taught all my wives and many girlfriends to shoot. They don't shoot, they get the boot. Sometimes they get the boot anyways but shooting and firearms ownership are part of who I am, no changing that.

I feel sorry for you and the position you're in, I have friends in similar situations. Can't get a motorcycle or go out with the boys, too much spent on golf or too much time playing it in the wife's opinion. I made shooting fun, challenging and something my lady friends wanted to do. Mrs. Fathead is a Heck of a shot, has a Savage .308 bolt gun (I suggested a .22 and her face said, "Are you kidding? A .22!?") and a Ruger .357 with which she is a crack shot. My guy friends are all astonished that I'd take women I'm involved with shooting but if they'd take their wives golfing, it might be different.

I'm rambling; there's no easy way out of this one!
 
our garage door needs to be replaced for sure. what we don't need is an electronic garage door opener, which is what she wants, along with exclusive use of the garage for her car only.
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I have a three car garage. Two of three cars reside in the garage; I live in "frozen tundra" country too. Electric openers on all three doors.

Two completely separate issues: car in garage exclusively and rifle in home. I would not combine the issues, they are not related.

I would approach them as such. Electric openers are relatively cheap. A car in a garage in "Northern country" totally reasonable. Exclusively? Therein lies the rub.

Education is what is called for here IMO. If she has an unreasonable fear of sleeping in proximity of a firearm... Gun safe as previously mentioned and education concerning firearms is in order.

The "exclusively" is of the same nature, and uncompromising term associated with "control". Here is where you might consider discussing "compromise"; as in not requiring complete control of a "situation"/place. Discussion of your "partnership" and coming to an understanding of the actual "issues/topics", as opposed to combining seperate and distinctly different topics, may result in a better understanding and growth in the long run.

YMMV
 
Space in your house is THAT tight? I remember looking at what Dick's Sporting Goods has on their website and I recall some locking cabinets (I don't want to launch the whole "What is needed in a safe?" discussion. I think some would say those "safes" aren't sufficient. I'm assuming given the space constraints as well as the issue at hand the real goal here is a lockable solution that helps the OP's wife feel calmer.) In any event, there seemed to be some solutions there that took up very little square footage and were reasonably tall. Back of a closet? Corner of a basement? In an attic?
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i'm afraid space is a concern for us. we live in a 2 bedroom house, no basement, no second floor and a single car attached garage. the spare bedroom is already filled to capacity with my junk, namely, all of my records and other random belongings AND she'd like to eventually convert it into a nursery. our bedroom is also filled to capacity and what little closet space we have is occupied by clothing. we have our laundry area towards the back of the house that could work, but my wife keeps her stuff back there (desk, wall cabinet, etc). I won't even mention our poor excuse for an attic - I doubt it could hold my weight, let alone the weight of a gun safe, and the fact that it has an incredibly tight crawlspace.

I think it would be interesting to probe into the "....don't want it close to where I'm sleeping." comment. Does she know what the fear is? Accidental discharge? Some bad guy finding it and using it on you both? Some bad guy stealing it and using it to do bad stuff in the community? A fear that the presence in the home itself will cause it to get used on a bad guy when it's not warranted?
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I know I probably shouldn't say this on a public message board but the other night when I was talking to my wife about this matter she confided in me that she's afraid she might use the gun on herself. sometimes when we have a bad argument about something she said she'll have suicidal impulses. naturally, when she told me this I was alarmed. so on the one hand, I have to rethink my idea of having a gun in the home, on the other hand, I'd like for her to seek some professional help to see if this might help to alleviate her fear. It's a tough call because if she's had these impulses, what's to stop her from using anything else in the house like a knife or other potentially lethal object? as you can see, i'm in an awkward situation so pushing the gun issue may not be the wisest choice for me right now
 
I amrried a country girl...

Not only does she understand about firearms but can also clean wild game and cook it :D
 
No offense meant to anyone, but I'd never have married her.
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Exactly!

And if this was an issue that didn't rear it's ugly head until the matrimonial meathooks were set, then she'd be booted to the curb so fast she'd be pickin' gravel out of her panties.

It's supposed to be a marriage not a controlling tyranny. The people in it are supposed to be adults capable of making adult decisions.

I know I probably shouldn't say this on a public message board but the other night when I was talking to my wife about this matter she confided in me that she's afraid she might use the gun on herself. sometimes when we have a bad argument about something she said she'll have suicidal impulses.
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Well, that certainly supports my premise that most anti-gunners are emotional or mental trainwrecks.

You've got bigger problems than guns to deal with over the longhaul.
 
I know I probably shouldn't say this on a public message board but the other night when I was talking to my wife about this matter she confided in me that she's afraid she might use the gun on herself. sometimes when we have a bad argument about something she said she'll have suicidal impulses.
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Personally I would very much like to hear what LordTio3 thinks of this revelation.

I was ready to consider most of this thread an overreaction to a minor issue -- as you noted that you need a new garage door anyway -- since you say,
she's a very peace, love & sunshine type of gal...
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However, based on the suicidal thoughts comments, I think you're only seeing in her what you want to see.


It's possible she's just making stuff up (about suicidal thoughts) in an effort to see how much you'll capitulate. The worst possible response to that being, "Oh my gosh, I had no idea! I would never want you to hurt yourself, honey! Let me sell my guns tout de suite!"

Alternatively, it's possible she is serious about having suicidal thoughts.

I don't like either of those possibilities. Neither one absolutely dooms a relationship, but they're not good signs.
 
The next thing you know you will have to give up something else for nothing in return. I don't know the situation in its entirely but what I do know is that you have no say. Which isn't right in a union between man and wife. A marriage. Its 50/50 just like the bills. If you are worried she will get pissy with you then something is lacking. I play alot of softball. League during the weeks and tournament on the weekend. I shoot whenever I'm not playing. Me ex cut it all out for about a year and I finally got fed up. I took off with the kid before she took my balls too. You have to stand up man and take what's your half of marriage back. Just my opinion. Like I said I don't know your entire situation.
 
The suicidal thoughts aspect is troubling my friend. If she hasn't seen a mental health professional it's time. I mean, take a look around, the average home is filled with plenty of lethal devices/substances, if she is having these thoughts, she might at some point decide to use some other means if a gun isn't available. I'm not trying to frighten you, just some food for thought. You got a tough row to hoe partner, I'm pulling for you.
 
It's possible she's just making stuff up (about suicidal thoughts) in an effort to see how much you'll capitulate. The worst possible response to that being, "Oh my gosh, I had no idea! I would never want you to hurt yourself, honey! Let me sell my guns tout de suite!"
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I must admit that this thought was one of the first that occurred to me. It would not surprise me in the least, especially if she did not agree to consider therapy to help her rid herself of this issue.

If she dismisses the thought, there's a strong clue.
 
I know I probably shouldn't say this on a public message board but the other night when I was talking to my wife about this matter she confided in me that she's afraid she might use the gun on herself. sometimes when we have a bad argument about something she said she'll have suicidal impulses. naturally, when she told me this I was alarmed. so on the one hand, I have to rethink my idea of having a gun in the home, on the other hand, I'd like for her to seek some professional help to see if this might help to alleviate her fear. It's a tough call because if she's had these impulses, what's to stop her from using anything else in the house like a knife or other potentially lethal object? as you can see, i'm in an awkward situation so pushing the gun issue may not be the wisest choice for me right now
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If she truly is having suicidal thoughts, then you need to make sure she gets help, no ifs ands or buts about it. As someone else mentioned, there are plenty of ways to kill yourself, some of which are easier than using a rifle.

Up until you mentioned the suicidal thoughts, I agreed with those who said it looks like controlling you is more important to her than making you happy and that should never be the case. If it is and you go along with it, you will end up resenting her and the relationship will fall apart. I would do nearly anything to make my wife happy but I expect to be treated with respect and for her to support what makes me happy. Anything less is unacceptable. For right now though, you need to make sure she gets whatever help she needs.

Regarding the comments about hiding the rifle in the house, no way. Either inform her you are keeping it at the house and do so or don't keep it at the house but always be honest with her.

If she is willing to go to the range, the 22 rifle is a great idea. Do NOT start her out shooting a 270 from a bench. You can buy a 22 cheap and it will pay for itself in ammo. Even if it didn't, it would be well worth it if it helps your wife to get over her fear and possibly even learn to enjoy shooting and more importantly, shooting with you. My wife was never antigun but she had never even shot a bb gun before she met me. I never pushed but offered to teach her to shoot. Eventually she took me up on it. As soon as she showed an interest, I showed her a bunch of different 22 rifles and let her show me what she liked and ended up buying a 10/22 and an aftermarket stock. I bought it because I wanted her to have something of her own that she would enjoy shooting and because I wanted her to feel important. It rarely gets shot but I would buy it again in a heartbeat.
 
Well...if it was just as simple as getting her more familiar with firearms, I agree with a few of the others that suggest starting her off with a 22, and it might as well be 22 Shorts. Before retirement, I worked with a large group of women, and they all knew that I was a shooter and reloader. From time to time one of the single women would want to discuss firearms. They had a fear of firearms, but they had an equal or greater fear of being defenseless. Having worked with me for many years, they trusted me to show them how to shoot. I'd explain first that we'd dry fire a couple of times, then shoot the Colt Diamondback 22 LR or my Wife's S&W until they were comfortable with it. Then we'd shoot the Python with some light 38 loads until they were comfortable with that, and then I felt like they'd know if they wanted to shoot some hot loads in the 357 or not. Every last time, without fail, each and every woman wanted to shoot the 357 with hot loads. To me, it looked like some form of empowerment for them to lose fear of firearms and actually enjoy shooting pistols. And they shot the 22 lever rifles and the 223 bolt gun and some shot the 260. I enjoyed it as much as they did. And, for the record, I suggested that if they wanted to get their own pistol, to get a revolver and not a semi-auto. Revolvers are just simpler (squeeze the trigger), and I think they are a lot safer in the hands of folks that aren't fulltime or parttime shooters. About half of the women acquired pistols, and most of them wanted laser sights for nighttime protection.
 
the issue is about making my wife feel comfortable around firearms, and if it becomes a gradual thing then so be it.
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Well, that works if she is at least open to it. My lovely wife of 36 years was never enamoured of guns, but she put up with them. Her father had only a .22 rifle, so he liked them, but was not into them like me. At the time I married her, I had only a .22 rifle as well, but she knew about my interests. Was a time, the only time a gun was out in the house was when there were helicopters flying around with searchlights, and she was pretty well shocked to see it then. Now after 8 years of CCW, my carry weapon sits next to me as I watch TV and she thinks nothing of it. She remarks to her best friend only that she is well-protected. "Baby steps" can work, no doubt about it. She has in recent years bought me some of my best guns for birthdays and Christmas. Keep hammering away, especially if she's the one, and she'll eventually come around.
 
Gaseous, I can't know all the details of your situation, but I have seen many times that a manipulator is never satisfied, sort of like an addict. I have a cousin that started manipulating her parents when she was a small child and got away with it. She continued to manipulate them and then her husband and kids. Everything someone wants to do has to be cleared with her, every family decision revolves around "don't upset your mother". The grandchildren have to be careful not to upset her in some way. Her husband is 1 of the best men I ever knew & has done well to love her and put up with her controlling ways. But I have long thought he should have put his foot down with her from day 1. She was part of her son's 1st marriage breaking up & she was a threat to his 2nd marriage. He pulled away from her & won't call or visit any more.

This kind of thing may be what you are headed for. True, we must live with our wives & compromise here & there. That is part of committing to & loving someone. I urge you to get a small gun safe or pistol box & bring your gun(s) in. Tell her what you're doing & proceed. If needed, tell her ahead to let her get used to the idea. When she fusses, simply say "I was telling you about it, not asking your permission". If you have a carpenter friend, get him to cut the safe into a closet wall or something like that. That will save on space.

I worked with a woman who had a tremendous fear of guns. She told me about marrying a shooter. She insisted he get a safe, which he did. As time went on, her fear lessened & she even enjoyed shooting a little sometimes.
 
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