God, I
love this thread!!
We all know the "You might be a redneck if ....", but here's one a touch more appropriate.
You might be a gun nut if ...
... you ever seriously thought about dabbing on a little Hoppe's #9 before going out on a date.
...you buy some checkering tools, you checker all your gun stocks, and then start on the bedposts.
...you cannot recall how many firearms you own.
...you ever clean a gun that hasn't been shot in the week since you cleaned it last.
...you consider naming your unborn child Winchester or Remington.
...you strip all the paint off your car and refinish it with cold blue.
...you have more than one gun that "kills on both ends."
...you take your guns out of the safe each night and handle them, just so you can wipe them off before putting them away.
...you keep a loaded gun hidden in every room in the house, including the bathroom and kitchen, "just in case," and then keep one on you at all times just in case someone breaks in while you're in the hallway.
...you named your pocket pistol "Little Guy" and your 12 gauge "Big Jake."
...you own reloading dies for calibers that you do not shoot.
...you understand Smith & Wesson's model numbers.
...you ever bought two brands of the same weight and type of bullet, just to see if one "shot better."
...you keep a collection of different cartridges at your place of work as a "conversation piece."
...you take your wife on vacation to a gun show for your 10th Anniversary and she is as excited to go as you are.
...you read that "Brady II" would outlaw possession of more than 1,000 rounds of ammunition and think, "I have more than that rolling around loose in the trunk of my car!"
...watching
The Lion King gives you the itch for a .470 Nitro Express.
... while watching the movie Terminator 2, you have to leave the room in tears and mournful sobs after Arnold Schwartzenneger throws the CAR-16 off the moving tractor trailer and it goes bouncing away.
...four local gun shops know you by name.
...you have your own BATF agent (mounted any suitable way).
...you have more gunpowder stashed in your home than your local sporting goods store has on hand.
...you can wallpaper your house with old issues of Shotgun News, Gun List, Guns & Ammo, etc.
...you have Brownells on speed dial.
...the custom door lock pulls on your Jeep are .223 Rem cases and the gear shift knob is a .50 BMG.
...Your cat is named Mauser and your dog is Luger.
...Your computer passwords are gun-related.
...Your local gunsmith calls
you for obsolete parts.
...You have an open account with Federal, Hornady, Cor-Bon, Winchester and
Remington.
...Your personalised license plate is 3006 AP, Glock, or MAG-58.
...You read to your kids from GUN DIGEST at bed time.
...Your kids know every fast food place around gunshops and ranges within 100 miles of home.
...Your kids cried watching BAMBI when the hunter shot Bambi's mother because the hunter had filled his tag.
...Your kid thinks the seasons are SMALL GAME and DEER.
...You think John Moses Browning's birthday should be a national holiday.
...You have reloading presses for every caliber you shoot, so you don't have to take time to change dies.
...You have a standing order for 5,000 primers every week at the local gunshop.
...You put in a loading dock at your home so you could buy ammo by the semi load.
...You can't put your car in the garage because it is filled with buckets of wheel weights and lead ingots.
...When you went to the Grand Canyon you were trying to figure the amount of hold-over you would need to hit the other side.
...You watch movies just to identify the guns used in them.
...Your doorbell does not chime, it plays a burst of machinegun fire.
...You know the range of every tree in the neighbourhood.
...You have windchimes made from shell casings.
...All your belts are made by holstermakers.
...You have COLT and 1911 tatooed on your fingers
...There was a major riot in your city -- and the cops came to you for supplies.
...You have decided you could never move because you could not get your gun safes out of the basement.
...You have burn scars from hot brass hitting you.
...Your toilet air fresheners smell like Cordite.
...you have Trijicon Night-Lights in your bedroom.
...your mailbox has a Weaver Rail on top.
...you build a gun rack in your bedroom and it's closer to you than your wife.
...you can identify gunshots from far away as to caliber, whether from a rifle or pistol, brand of gun, grains of powder used, *what* powder and at what velocity.
...when you do the wash, several spent casings fall out of your rolled-up sleeves.
...you name your first-born girl LadySmith.
...your kid's disposable diapers come in camo battle packs.
...it bothers you more when 007 runs out of ammo than when the BOND girl dies.
...your driver's license says "must wear night-vision goggles."
...you put a Hogue Grip on your car's parking brake.
...you retrofit a laser sight to your TV remote control.
...you go to a marriage counselor, he asks you which you like better, shooting or sex, and you think it's the stupidest question you've ever heard.
...you have to run out to the range this weekend to shoot up some ammo because you need some brass to reload.
...seeing Bill Clinton's picture automatically sends you into Condition Orange.
...you live in that serious part of the country where deer season is a recognized holiday.
...you watch old WWII movies and can identify all the rifles and handguns, but can't remember who starred in the movie or what it was about.
... when you hear or see the numbers 221 you automatically think "fireball," 257 you think "Roberts," 218 "Bee," 45-70 "government," etc., -- and can't stop.
...you wonder what size rings you would need to mount the Hubble Space Telescope on a varmint rifle.
...your bridal registry is at the local gun shop.
...you actually consider buying the camo sexy underwear advertised for your sweetie in some gun catalogs.
...you have framed targets hanging in your bathroom, hallway, or at work, etc. with tight groups that you have shot.
...Your speedometer is in both MPH and FPS.
...You measure things in MOA.
...You cut out your best groups and carry them in your wallet like photographs.
...You ever asked anybody if they wanted to see a photograph of your pride and joy and you were not speaking about your newborn child but your latest custom firearm.
...You ever seasoned a steak with FFFFg black powder.
...Your homeowners insurance company would cancel your policy if they ever knew any of the following:
(1) the true value of your firearms
(2) how much ammunition you have stored at home
(3) how much gun powder you have stored
(4) how many primers you have.
...Your brass tumbler is made from a small cement mixer.
...You ever put dirty patches in a "delicate" bag so you could run them thru the washer.
...You always thought "Dirty Harry" was a wimp and did not use enough gun.
...You watch SCI-FI movies and try to figure what they made the blast rifles from.
...You really DO have a gun or ammunition buried in your back yard.
...You have figured out how to defend your neighborhood with your guns (and with whom) in case Y2K turns out the lights.
...You look at a very small object 150 yards away, and wish you had a sniper rifle.
...You bought a home theatre system just to make the gunfights in movies sound more realistic
..You automaticallly count shots fired in a movie scene and then replay to prove it.
...You have a missing tooth shooting skeet with a pistol grip 12 ga.
... You use shooting clays as ashtrays.
...You get tennis elbow from yanking the handle on your reloader.
...You spend a night actually counting the number of grains of powder in one of your reloads.
...You made a necklace for your wife out of spent bullets and fishing line.
...You use loaded rounds for earplugs when there is nothing else to use.
...You wear your prescription shooting glasses ALL of the time.
...You make the local police nervous because you always stare at their gun.
...You read all of the gun mags and actually understand all of the technical drivel.
I freely admit these aren't original -- but they're a hell of a lot of fun!
OK, be honest (or "'fess up" as you might say) -- how many actually apply to you? I got up to six before I stopped
Bruce
