I personally do not have much preference of 9mm versus .45 ACP and in fact, have one of each. But because I have a fair supply of ammunition in those calibers and none at all in .40, I haven't seriously considered anything in .40 auto. But since one pistol I've been thinking about doesn't seem to ever show up in 9mm but does in .40, I have been thinking about it.
I'm pretty much the opposite. I grew up shooting .38's, .357's, and .22 pistols back in the 1980's. Since I mostly hunted with them, and they could easily double for self-defense, I didn't have much reason to shoot much in the way of semi-auto cartridges. In fact, the first semi-auto centerfire handgun I can remember shooting was a series 70 Colt 1911 in .38 Super. Then in the early or mid-1990's, a buddy let me try a Ruger P-91 in .40 S&W, and I was quite pleased with it. I've been a .40 S&W fan since, and though I've shot a few 9mm's and .45's, I've never been totally convinced on them. the .40 just seems to fit my preferences right, and I've stuck with it.
Another thing, however, that has kept me away is the thought about a high pressure round like the .40. A .45 ACP is anything but high pressure but I discover that a 9mm has a higher pressure limit than a .40 (and a .357 is even higher). So maybe I was worried about nothing after all. So how is it that a .40 can be "snappy" in recoil?
Pressure isn't of primary concern in recoil. Recoil is a product of bullet velocity and weight. Having shot all three cartridges mentioned (9mm, .40, and .45 ACP), the .40 S&W does have a quicker, sharper recoil than the others
in the firearms I've shot them in.
The .45 ACP shoots a heavy bullet at relatively low velocity. It's also often shot in heavier firearms that tend to dampen recoil.
The 9mm shoots a lighter bullet at similar velocity to heavier bullets in the .40 S&W. It's a pleasant cartridge to shoot, no doubt.
A lot of folks say that the .40 is "snappy". I don't know that I agree, completely. It is what it is, and I don't find the recoil offensive at all.
I know several people who shoot the .40 S&W regularly, and the only place I've ever heard of "snappy recoil" is on internet boards. Those I know who shoot the .40 wouldn't think of trading them off for a 9mm, and they don't complain about the recoil. Perhaps this is just a term, sorta like those who call it "short & weak", used to bring the cartridge into a negative light?
Whether folks like it or leave it, it is what it is. For some of us, it's just right for self-defense purposes.
Daryl