Wife OK with guns for HD not with me carrying CCW

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ejfalvo

New member
My wife is fine with having various firearms around the house for HD and one for each vehicle but she will not go with me anywhere if I CCW (yes, I know thats a blessing for some members). I've tried a number of rationale discussions as to the value of CCW but she will not budge on the issue.

Any serious thoughts or ideas on how I can convince her to understand the value of CCW?
 
What is her reason for the Non-CCW feelings?
Question I am asking is, honey why is it you feel its OK to protect ourselves at home but not while we are out in public?
There is no difference except we are away from the house. Why do you feel we need not protect ourselves when away from the home?
Just some questions I would ask, but you know your wife better than any of us.
 
Justification

My wife was with me years ago when I was working. She saw me interact with a protester while I was keeping an eye on a client. When she saw what level of physicality that is sometimes required to modify someone's behavior she understood why I carry 24/7.

Have you tried taking her shooting? (start with a 22lr) Let her pick out a new weapon to be "hers". What she wants, not what you think she needs.
 
Any serious thoughts or ideas on how I can convince her to understand the value of CCW?
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Good luck. I was in the same position as you. She was okay with HD, but thought it was absurd that I carry.

I wish I had a quick easy answer for you, but I don't. We simply talked through it over a matter of months. I explained how I feel its an important right and I was going to exercise my right. She explained her fears regarding CCW and we both eventually agreed to disagree and call a truce.

Does she like that I have my license? Yeah, sometimes she does. A quick trip to the store and I get the eye roll. However, a trip to a bad area and she's like "Make sure you pack."

It won't be easy, but if you talk through it, you'll both come to an agreement of sorts anyway.
 
In the course of 18 months my lady went from "Girlfriend who would never have a gun in her home" to "Wife who loves to go shooting with me and is waiting on her CCW so she can carry her new Smith and Wesson".

Really, some of our most heartfelt discussion on the subject came when we were watching the news together. It may seem benign, but really watching how people in our own community can encounter violence out in the public places we are familiar with "hits close to home". I always knew I would carry when I turned 21. This just helped her understand why.

It really hit home when two girls she knew from a class she had were stabbed on the nearby campus. Some crazy idiot ran up to these two poor girls and a male friend of theirs and stabbed both girls in the side and abdomen, and slashed the guys face open and ran off. No reason. No motivation. No robbery. Just an evil person. They caught him about 6 months later. He thought he'd gotten away with it and started bragging to his friends about how he was the "Slasher". They turned him it.

But there are several home invasions, assaults, muggings, robberies, etc in every major/minor city in America every week. Just turn on the news and sit there a while, really paying attention. Afterwords, "That's what I want to protect us against." Or, "I don't want that to happen to you or me." Or, "We encounter a whole lot more people when we're out in public than in our homes. So there's an incredibly higher statistical probability that one of them will be a dangerous person than when we are safe in our home. And it just makes logical sense to be armed in public as well as in your home."

Hope this helps,
~LT
 
Does she like that I have my license? Yeah, sometimes she does. A quick trip to the store and I get the eye roll. However, a trip to a bad area and she's like "Make sure you pack."
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Poor logic in my opinion, bad things can happen in what we perceive as safe places as you stated in a quick trip to the local store.

Anywhere, anytime, anyplace, and like the commercials state with regards to American Express, " Never leave home without it"
 
Might be a good idea to have here go to www.corneredcat.com and read up on things. Might give her perspective from different angle.
www.shootingforwomenalliance.com/aboutus.html
www.armedfemalesofamerica.com/firingline/sisters.htm
www.womenandguns.com
www.2asisters.org/

Have her check these sites out and go through them.

The other possibility is having her go through two NRA courses.

One is the "Don't be a victim" course. That can be done by both or your or just her.

The other is a NRA women's only basic course that is usually put on once or several times a year. This lets the ladies get exposed to many varied gun types and forms of shooting. It also covers safety. This is all done in a relaxed atmosphere with no stress.

Local ranges, gun stores, and gun clubs have access to these or know how to point you and her in the right direction.

Basic NRA accredited one on one courses are also available.
 
personally I think you need to find out what her fear is... & then slowly condition her to it...

if she is afraid that by carrying the gun, it has more of a chance of accidently going off... you could point her in the direction of the local police & how they carry every day, & aren't having their guns go off by accident "all the time" ??? maybe as a newer CCW holder, you are playing, fidgeting or adjusting it too much, or talking about it all the time & she is uncomfortable with that ??? if that's the case, you will likely get to the point that you'll become more comfortable & used to it, so you either quit talking about it all the time, or quit futzing with it...

when I 1st got mine, my situation was similar... wife comfortable with them loaded & in the proper place in the house, but uncomfortable with me carrying them... so I just started carrying it & not telling her... most of the time she never knew... sometimes if getting hugged, ( when you get used to carrying, you position yourself in social situations, so that if you get contact, that no one feels the gun ) ... & I couldn't get in the right position, she would feel it & give me that look... often she would see me take it off, after we got home... but now a couple years later, & she doesnt even usually even give me a look any more...

We went to a ballroom dance class last night after work, & I didn't get the chance to change clothes, & I danced with her in several styles of dance, & I don't think she even knew I had it on... or she has become so accustomed to it now, that it never even came up if she did...
 
Collect some newspaper reports or police peports for businesses that have been robbed, people robbed, ect...
Look at how many things take place when you are typically "out in public".
If you can get the data, it might be surprising how many things happen "every so often" during a few months time.

Would she ride in a car with no seat belt?
How about disable all the fire alarms in the house?

Although you are not expecting to be in a car crash or expecting the house will catch fire, most people wouldn't be comfortable without those safety precautions in place, even though they don't expect to need them. CCW is no different.
 
Just a thought, but I think her opinion on the matter may be influenced by a "negative public view of guns". She may actually be OK with the fact that you are carrying, but doesnt want it to look like her husband is a "gun toting cowboy".

However, I think with a little effort, this situation can be overcome.

-George
 
My wife understands the need for SD, but she used to smile, one of those "you're a lovable idiot" smiles, when I'd slide my PM9 into a pocket or holster on our way out ... then one anniversary in San Antonio we had to walk back to our hotel through a dark park, with small groups of guys sitting around benches ... she whispered, "You are packing, right?" (she doesn't say packing any more ...) she hasn't given me that smile since ... no problems in the park btw ... but you never know, that's why you're armed ...
 
Wife was neutral on guns, didn't mind if I had one and wanted to shoot but defense was never part of the equation. Small town Wisconsin girl from an era when nobody had to lock the doors. Then we had our apartment broken into in San Diego and a home defense gun suddenly became very appealing.

6 months later a girl her age and general appearance was raped and strangled half a block from our apartment, half of our neighbors thought it was her just going by description. When the police showed up at our door she answered with the 38 super in her fist and the detective said he wished the other girl would have been as well armed. She became a believer.
 
My wife likes to shoot. Is glad that I have them for HD. Told her I was going to get my CCW and got the "look", like "OK, but your not actually going to carry it are you?". And I probably wouldn't carry it all the time (see today's thread on the guy in sweat pants an the Home Depot).
 
You might have her read TheCorneredCat.com, written by a woman about guns for defense, especially for women......might be something in there that she appreciates
 
Keep your mouth shut and carry your gun anyway.
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:D

Nice...but seriously, its always easier to beg for forgiveness than permission. I just started carrying concealed when we go out. I never ask, just do. To be honest, I don't care what her opinion on the subject is. After 16 years of marriage, we have come to respect each other's space and both realized we will do what we want to, so we better pick our battles carefully.:D:D:D
 
When I first started concealed carrying, a while ago, I just started carrying it concealed and didn't tell anyone. Not even my wife. IF you are carrying it "Properly Concealed", then not even your wife should know that you are carrying. Now, if you're telling her, or letting her see you get all "geared up" to leave the house, then that could cause her to take notice.

I'm not saying how to address your wife. And personally, you shouldn't be asking anyone here for advice. You have a personal relationship with your wife, and you're the one who has to live and deal with her and that relationship. Obviously, an suggestion of: "You need to discuss it with her" is the right advice, and also pretty obvious. Any advice beyond that shouldn't be followed. This is something only you and she can figure out the right way.

For those who haven't gotten to this point yet in getting your CCW permit and are starting carrying, I believe in the concept of it's better to ask forgiveness than permission. When I first started carrying, and got my permit, I didn't tell my wife I received my permit. She knew I applied for one, but I left the conversation at that. I never told her when I got it. I already knew where I WOULDN'T carry, (That's MY choice, so don't question it), I also knew where I COULDN'T carry. So when I was preparing to leave the house, and I was going to carry, I armed myself inconspicuously. I didn't let her see me carrying. After a few months, she finally asked me: "Why did you apply and pay for a CCW permit if you aren't going to carry a gun". I simply said: "I've been carrying a gun outside of the house for about 3 months". She looked at me puzzled and said: "I never saw you with a gun". I said: "That's the way it's suppose to be". Now, it's never even a discussion. Then again, I'm not one for "bragging" about what I'm carrying. Which is common among some of those who open carry. They are quite obvious that they want people to see them, the gun, and their posture. But that's a different topic. Point is; if you're going to mention it to your wife, kids, neighbors, etc... then they are going to be away of it. If you don't mention it, and they ask later, and you say you have been carrying and currently are, they are much more accepted of it. Because it obviously isn't causing the potential problem they THOUGHT it could.
 
Always thought the point of CCW was the "Dont screw with me, because you dont know if I'm packin". It's the unknown factor that every criminal should fear from the honest law abiding citizen.
 
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