Ooops, I just freaked the girlfriend out with my gun.
- Thread starter Freezebyte
- Start date
Forgive me, I've only read the first page.
I thought I was the only one who went through these "phases" and made my wife's head spin.
For now, she is your girlfriend, not your wife, so you don't necessarily have to obey her.
After 4.5 years of marriage, my wife is now used to my phases. Her opinion is that if it doesn't hurt us financially, she's OK with it. She has gotten used to the fact that I'm not a "normal" guy. Sometimes, that's for the better, and sometimes, it is for the worse.
She has found out through talking to her girlfriends that she prefers that I participate here and on other fora than be at bars, drinking, or spending every spare moment watching sports.
Other than shooting, I also do motorcycling, woodworking, snowboarding occasionally, video games. (Game Boy DS, lately) She was not comfortable with my motorcycling (her being a doctor) but she got used to it, and now she loves it. She even suggested we trade our Kawasaki Concours up on a Yamaha FJR, because it is faster. She feels safe with me now.
I asked her to open her mind and try shooting. She doesn't like it as much as I do, but she likes to shoot 22 with me from time to time and will grudgingly practice with her 9mm Hi Power.
RC planes, she wound up liking because our little dog lost some weight chasing them around.
Woodworking, she loves. (Once she got over me spending thousands of dollars on machines) I have a jewelry chest in the works for her now, and I made our nightstands in the Craftsman style out of Ash.
So my recommendation is to encourage her to be open-minded. Remind her that you will not move so quickly that it will hurt the two of you financially, but also that you don't necessarily need her permission to do everything. You don't want to end up whipped.
This is the cornerstone of our "play money" system. We do the budget together and decide how much play money each of us gets. What we spend it on is criticism-proof. She can buy shoes, purses, cosmetics, clothes, without fear of reprimand from me. I can buy guns, RC planes, woodworking machines, and motorcycles without fear of reprimand from her. I don't know if you need to do this yet, as you are not even engaged.
It helps to find an unselfish hobby to supplement your selfish ones. (for me, it is woodworking and motorcycling)
It seems like the bigger issue is that she thinks you might be turning into a scary militia-man.
Convince her that you're not, and that this is just a hobby. Convince her to think of exercising your right to carry is just like wearing seatbelt. Yes, you probably won't ever need it, but if you do, it will be DAMNED good to have the option of drawing it. Also remind her that there are some very bad situations that are avoided just by drawing a gun. She will think you're paranoid but may accept it. If she is so sure she wants a "normal" guy, maybe it is time to let her go.
I thought I was the only one who went through these "phases" and made my wife's head spin.
For now, she is your girlfriend, not your wife, so you don't necessarily have to obey her.
After 4.5 years of marriage, my wife is now used to my phases. Her opinion is that if it doesn't hurt us financially, she's OK with it. She has gotten used to the fact that I'm not a "normal" guy. Sometimes, that's for the better, and sometimes, it is for the worse.
She has found out through talking to her girlfriends that she prefers that I participate here and on other fora than be at bars, drinking, or spending every spare moment watching sports.
Other than shooting, I also do motorcycling, woodworking, snowboarding occasionally, video games. (Game Boy DS, lately) She was not comfortable with my motorcycling (her being a doctor) but she got used to it, and now she loves it. She even suggested we trade our Kawasaki Concours up on a Yamaha FJR, because it is faster. She feels safe with me now.
I asked her to open her mind and try shooting. She doesn't like it as much as I do, but she likes to shoot 22 with me from time to time and will grudgingly practice with her 9mm Hi Power.
RC planes, she wound up liking because our little dog lost some weight chasing them around.
Woodworking, she loves. (Once she got over me spending thousands of dollars on machines) I have a jewelry chest in the works for her now, and I made our nightstands in the Craftsman style out of Ash.
So my recommendation is to encourage her to be open-minded. Remind her that you will not move so quickly that it will hurt the two of you financially, but also that you don't necessarily need her permission to do everything. You don't want to end up whipped.
This is the cornerstone of our "play money" system. We do the budget together and decide how much play money each of us gets. What we spend it on is criticism-proof. She can buy shoes, purses, cosmetics, clothes, without fear of reprimand from me. I can buy guns, RC planes, woodworking machines, and motorcycles without fear of reprimand from her. I don't know if you need to do this yet, as you are not even engaged.
It helps to find an unselfish hobby to supplement your selfish ones. (for me, it is woodworking and motorcycling)
It seems like the bigger issue is that she thinks you might be turning into a scary militia-man.
Convince her that you're not, and that this is just a hobby. Convince her to think of exercising your right to carry is just like wearing seatbelt. Yes, you probably won't ever need it, but if you do, it will be DAMNED good to have the option of drawing it. Also remind her that there are some very bad situations that are avoided just by drawing a gun. She will think you're paranoid but may accept it. If she is so sure she wants a "normal" guy, maybe it is time to let her go.SoldiersSon
New member
I thought I was the only one that did that...my wife and I refer to that sort of behavior as me "going through a phase". Guns have been in my life, since I've been of age. That's the one thing that has always and will always stick around!
My family supports my gun hobby...although my mother-in-law said my M4 "scared her, because it just looks evil". I took that to mean it's doing its job! For me, it's not about my collection being "large" or "small". I would say it's like having a specialized tool for each job. We that take gun ownership to the extreme treat it more like a lifestyle than a hobby.
vox rationis
New member
haha, what a hippie nutbag
This one's my favorite though
Looks like she read the Tao of Physics once too many times
...sorry, back on topic
FireForged
New member
If carrying a firearm is a big part of your life then you will need to get another GF.
That dating profile is scarily similar to a friend's soon to be ex-wife!
Freezebyte- You sound an awful lot like a friend of mine who "churns through" hobby after hobby. He's gone from CB radio, to Ham radio, to PC's, to HiFi, back to Ham radio, then to PC's, and now to guns. He went totally off the wall at first, buying only higher end 1911's. He's gotten tired of them not really shooting as well as the look, and is now selling them off and moving to what he used to call "junk" guns, ones that cost in one case, less than 10% of what a couple of his more expensive 1911s cost. He has a lot of money. I expect the gun thing to burn out soon, and I might get a chance at some bargains. I would love to grab up his "junk" CZ SP-01!
Freezebyte- You sound an awful lot like a friend of mine who "churns through" hobby after hobby. He's gone from CB radio, to Ham radio, to PC's, to HiFi, back to Ham radio, then to PC's, and now to guns. He went totally off the wall at first, buying only higher end 1911's. He's gotten tired of them not really shooting as well as the look, and is now selling them off and moving to what he used to call "junk" guns, ones that cost in one case, less than 10% of what a couple of his more expensive 1911s cost. He has a lot of money. I expect the gun thing to burn out soon, and I might get a chance at some bargains. I would love to grab up his "junk" CZ SP-01!
Let me take a different perspective. I am a guy who, until around four months ago, never shot or even held any gun. My parents (especially my mother) disliked guns and thought they were dangerous. When I found out that a newer friend of mine enjoyed shooting, I thought I'd try it out. That way if I liked it, we would have something else in common. Now, you can't pry me away from the gun counter. I've even turned my mother after she finally asked to just watch me shoot. After watching me shoot and asking some questions, she realized that, while it isn't her cup of tea, it can be a fun hobby that requires skill and practice. In answering her questions, she also saw my level of firearms knowledge and emphasis on safety, which told her I was taking the responsibility seriously. At this time, if I awoke to somebody I lived with and knew very well with a holstered gun, I'd probably sit up, smile, and ask how they liked it. If the same thing would have happened four months ago, I probably would have been very uncomfortable and let them know it, much like your girlfriend did. What changed between then and now? Time and knowledge.
Don't dump her over this. It's not fair to dump a girlfriend over one incident, especially if you feel her opinion may have some validity. If you didn't find her opinion even a little valid, you wouldn't have asked the questions you did. Just slow down and discuss what you're doing with her. Show that you appreciate the responsibility of firearm ownership by taking a few basic classes. Perhaps you could even take one together. If it turns out not to be her thing, fine. But if she's reasonable about it, she'll appreciate your interest and take solace in your knowledge and safe handling procedures. That is, provided you don't go overboard.
She is familiar with guns, but not handguns. Those are two very different things. I once took a friend who hunted with rifles and shotguns to the range and let him try my 686+ with some mousefart 38 Specials I cooked up. I was really surprised when he was a little afraid of it despite enjoying his large, powerful rifles. Perhaps he placed handguns in the "people killing" category while placing long guns in the "hunting" category. I don't know. Point is, even not all gun people are comfortable with all types of guns.
Don't dump her over this. It's not fair to dump a girlfriend over one incident, especially if you feel her opinion may have some validity. If you didn't find her opinion even a little valid, you wouldn't have asked the questions you did. Just slow down and discuss what you're doing with her. Show that you appreciate the responsibility of firearm ownership by taking a few basic classes. Perhaps you could even take one together. If it turns out not to be her thing, fine. But if she's reasonable about it, she'll appreciate your interest and take solace in your knowledge and safe handling procedures. That is, provided you don't go overboard.
She is familiar with guns, but not handguns. Those are two very different things. I once took a friend who hunted with rifles and shotguns to the range and let him try my 686+ with some mousefart 38 Specials I cooked up. I was really surprised when he was a little afraid of it despite enjoying his large, powerful rifles. Perhaps he placed handguns in the "people killing" category while placing long guns in the "hunting" category. I don't know. Point is, even not all gun people are comfortable with all types of guns.
Words of experience
I don't think you did a smart thing by waking her up with a gun at your side, and I can understand why your girl would be freaked out. Roses would have been better. Women want to be the center of your whole universe and cannot stand competing with other interests or hobbies. If she is against your hobbies, then she doesn't accept you and will expect you to "change". Even though you might love her, if you have tendencies that really bug her, it would be better to go your separate ways now before she runs off with another guy and half your stuff, then asks for child support for the kids. The woman files for divorce something like 67% of the time because most women analyze their relationship with their friends rather than discussing their concerns with their husband. One of my buddies tells me women are always looking for the BBD, bigger better deal. He's been screwed over twice and never want's to get married again! You are both going to need work on your relationship if you both want it to last. rc
I don't think you did a smart thing by waking her up with a gun at your side, and I can understand why your girl would be freaked out. Roses would have been better. Women want to be the center of your whole universe and cannot stand competing with other interests or hobbies. If she is against your hobbies, then she doesn't accept you and will expect you to "change". Even though you might love her, if you have tendencies that really bug her, it would be better to go your separate ways now before she runs off with another guy and half your stuff, then asks for child support for the kids. The woman files for divorce something like 67% of the time because most women analyze their relationship with their friends rather than discussing their concerns with their husband. One of my buddies tells me women are always looking for the BBD, bigger better deal. He's been screwed over twice and never want's to get married again! You are both going to need work on your relationship if you both want it to last. rc
Parvenu_paddy
Inactive
Yes, waking her up with the gun in sight would probably be scary.
But if she believes you are a responsible individual then having a firearm shouldnt make you feel like you are going too fast or doing something wrong.
I never understand why americans get so freaked out about such an integral part of their culture. Perhaps if you demonstrate how much you have learned about safety procedures?
I dont think that you're going into anything too fast either, I'm going through a phase now of buying books and had to stop after my gf said ' can you read a book a week?' ( no) 'then you cant buy any more till 2010'
I might have missed some of your responses, but if she makes you feel guilty or anything for your hobbies then maybe it it shows she's being a bit selfish.
But if she believes you are a responsible individual then having a firearm shouldnt make you feel like you are going too fast or doing something wrong.
I never understand why americans get so freaked out about such an integral part of their culture. Perhaps if you demonstrate how much you have learned about safety procedures?
I dont think that you're going into anything too fast either, I'm going through a phase now of buying books and had to stop after my gf said ' can you read a book a week?' ( no) 'then you cant buy any more till 2010'
I might have missed some of your responses, but if she makes you feel guilty or anything for your hobbies then maybe it it shows she's being a bit selfish.
Parvenu_paddy said:
Not all of us participated in the Boyscouts or have parents/grandparents take us out into the woods with a .22 rifle and a box of ammo when we were kids. Some of us, like me, got into guns with no one to guide us along.
From this thread, it's obvious that some of us Americans still haven't gotten used to the idea of guns.
Smallgame2100
Moderator
Lucky, my girlfriend was raised in a hunting family, so she fits right in with me.
She feels protected because of me and thats all I can do.
She feels protected because of me and thats all I can do.
LanceOregon
Moderator
Here is a photo of my son dating his girlfriend:
He has been able to successfully determine that she is gun friendly.
Here is another photo of her with his AR-15:
He has been able to successfully determine that she is gun friendly.
Here is another photo of her with his AR-15:
MHbushmaster
New member
Sounds like it is time for a new girlfriend.
Remember, issues like this don't go away when you get engaged, get married or have kids. If anything, they are brought into more focus the longer that you are together. Good luck.
Remember, issues like this don't go away when you get engaged, get married or have kids. If anything, they are brought into more focus the longer that you are together. Good luck.