Ooops, I just freaked the girlfriend out with my gun.

Freezebyte

Moderator
Uh oh, think I commited a major relationship felony this morning. I was researching OC and CCW as i've never considered the laws and regulations up until I got my first handgun. Now i'm get excited at the prospect of gun rights and laws and excerising my freedom as an armed US citizen. After a couple hours of research I thought to myself:

"Hmm, OC and CCW is BIG responsiblity to handle one I will have to slowly become accustomed too and understand my rights AND responsibilites of such a freedom"


My father had several revolvers when I was growing up and I learned to greatly respect and fear firearms at all times and learn proper usage and handling. I've only personally owned a .22lr rifle up until now, so i've never had the chance to even "holser" a gun. I decided to give it a try and see what it felt like just in my own home the "feeling" and "responsiblity" of carrying a firearm.

So I slipped my unloaded XD(m) 9mm in my stock holster and buckled my pants up and stood up with my first firearm attached to me. First thought was: "Man, this this is heavy, and its not even loaded!"

Second thought was "Man, this is a tremendous feeling of power and liberty yet ALOT of responsiblity to be doing this, and im just in my own home, let alone outside in city"

I moved into the bedroom where my girlfriend was starting to wake up and I smiled and held her hand softly and then she noticed my gun at my hip and said

"Uh, WTF are you doing?"

"What? I'm just carrying it seeing how it feels and stuff"

"Umm yeah, im awake now and completely F'en freaked out"


She goes to take a shower while I ponder what I did wrong, then goes to eat downstairs and comes back a little calmer. "We need to talk" she says. Uh oh.....

We had our open minded discussion and feeling "talk" with eachother. My girlfriend is a very open minded individual that grew up with a father that had lots of guns and knew how to use them, so she was comfortable and excited for me on getting a gun for fun and SD/HD uses. But apparently, I crossed the "comfort zone" line when I started to holser my weapon inside the house. Here opinion/viewpoint was something like this:

"Normal people, do not carry guns around their house. They also dont spend hours at a time online watching people shoot their guns off, even if your just "learning" from watching them You can only learn by actually going to the range and shooting yourself and get training. Carrying a gun in our home is way beyond my comfort zone, let alone even taking out to excersise your "patriotic freedom" as a US citizen"


Basically, I was caught AGAIN, going full bore into a new hobby so fast with little regard of my G/F's feelings on the matter. I have a real tendancy with past experiences to back it up in regards to getting interested into a hobby, dropping everything else I do, spending exubriant amounts of money only a few months later to say to myself "Eh, im burnt out now. This is to much work and or money. I wish I didn't sell "blank" now for this. I"m done"

I've done this with cars, R/C cars, gaming, PC's, game consoles and it usually ends up my girlfriend freaking out in her manner of stating " Would you slow the F---- down?"

Me being the new gun person I am, I was shocked and dissapointed in myself for being careless yet I also feel i'm being somewhat "controlled" by my girlfriend, which of course is another subject entirely.

I need to ask fellow gun owners, how do you and your significant other/family feel about your gun hobby? What does he/she about if you have a large collection of guns? Some of you have insane amounts of firepower in your home and you have the right to do so, but is it really "normal" or "healthy" to be doing this or is my girlfriend just wacking out?
Some of you REALLY take this gun ownership to the extreme.

For example in some of my threads about general gun ownership questions, I've had posts like "Become one of us in the NRA, we are nation of strong and our libertys are being taken away! Fight the good fight!" or "Carry your own at all times, if you are not an armed citizen, you will be a dead citizen!" For irony, even I was thinking: "Whooo dudes, back down, Im not sighing up for a lifelong NRA member and getting SWAT training to defend myself or home, lets go easy, I just bought my first gun and I just had some questions. I didn't want to join the 2nd revolution or anything"

Thoughts, feelings, comments, suggestions, critisicm needed/wanted.
 
I second KUHIO's advice. Well, maybe give her a second chance or ultimatum; if she doesn't shape up, dump her!!
 
All things in moderation... including the exposure of your significant other to your new hobby/lifestyle/activism/whatever.

Frankly... get your CCW. She'll see it as training and certification making you "okay" to do whatever you feel you need to do... and you will then be able to carry anywhere within reason with the gun concealed. Out of sight, out of mind. No confrontations or flare-ups over it, but you're protected and exercising your rights.
 
I would really freak her out,I am always armed,except while sleeping!

Even then,a firearm is close by!My wife of 25 years does not even bat an eye anymore,My kids either.

Actually,they take comfort in the fact,that dad has the means at his disposal to keep them safe!
 
One last thing though....

GET OFF THE INTARWEBZ and go take her out somewhere. Seriously.

We do stuff together all the time, thats never been an issue. Or are you referring her to the shooting range?
 
My girl friend / wife first became aware of my hobby one night when she hugged me and discovered that I was carrying a .45 in a shoulder rig. "What's that?" was her first question. Followed by "can I see it?" She had never been around guns and was curious. Of course all she knew about guns was what she saw in the news, (and we all know what this is like). She has since inherited a cute little S&W .32 LC revolver and has shot several of my handguns. She likes the fact that when we go out we are protected.
 
I told my ex (while she was my wife) wife, she goes before the guns... Period!

My current G/F is worried that I own guns, but again... This is (one of) my hobbies and I wont give it up. Plus my life is worth more than her "oppinion".

Many of my ex G/F's were OK to Anti... I just down play it and ignore them. I also tell them if my ex wife is still alive, than they have nothing to worry about... ;)

Now if I can somehow take away her right to free speach...
 
I had a chat with my new girl friend about carrying. She's a social worker and is for the most part against guns in general but based on her experiences I can't blame her. Our conversations are probably the first positive interactions she has had with handguns. She's not thrilled about CCW but the arrangement we made is that I tell her when I am carrying when we go out. She wants to know so in case she bumps into or feels the holster it she won't get startled. And when we go to her family's house to visit I leave it in the car. So far, so good. :o
 
In my experience, the best way to get past the "feaked out" stage is to familiarize the GF with firearms. As you noted, she grew up around guns so they're not completely foreign to her, but have the two of you ever taken a trip to the range together? Have you ever sat down and explained to your GF exactly why you want a CCW? If the answer to these questions is no, then I'd encourage you to do so. Also, have you discussed the possibility of your GF getting a CCW? I, personally, never understood the logic of the "Man of the house" having a CCW and being expected to somehow always protect the rest of the family. Seems to me that few people would really need a CCW more than a woman. Your GF may be more understanding if it is explained that the whole point of this is to ensure both of your safety. One final note, leave any macho or he-manly attitudes behind as most people and women in particular usually find it to be an incredible turn-off.
 
how do you and your significant other/family feel about your gun hobby?

My wife has her guns and I have mine - unless she really, really wants one of mine. :D

What does he/she about if you have a large collection of guns?

The only time my wife ever said anything about my guns, I asked her how long she thought it took me to save enough money to buy them and told her she could count my guns and see how I spent my money.
 
sounds like you need to keep your gun and ditch your girlfriend! LOL, just kidding. When I first got my ccw I also started wearing my gun around the house to get comfortable with it. At first she was like "do you really think you need that just sitting around the house?" After a while it is just second nature. I never leave the house without it and even if I'm just sitting around the house, I usually have my gun on me. She is so used to it she doesn't even notice anymore. Good luck!
 
Freeze:

It sounds more like she is complaining about an obsession... not necessarily the gun itself.

Freeze's SWMBO said:
"Normal people, do not carry guns around their house. They also dont spend hours at a time online watching people shoot their guns off, even if your just "learning" from watching them You can only learn by actually going to the range and shooting yourself and get training. Carrying a gun in our home is way beyond my comfort zone, let alone even taking out to excersise your "patriotic freedom" as a US citizen"

Less youtube of idgits shooting tin cans, more time in real life. The reason you carry is to enjoy real life, so now that you've got the gun situation squared away you need to show her how it is just another tool that aids you both in enjoying life.

The red parts highlight common gun forum internet rhetoric or traits of folks who spend too much time online at gun forii (pot, meet kettle :D).

Just trying to save you some aggrevation or frustration... but lay off the gunwebz and spend some quality time with her. After all, that's why you have the gun, right?
 
The only people who "holser" are gun are those with a speech impediment and it's not nice to make fun of them.

Carrying in the house is best way to get used to carrying. It's how you break in new holsters, try different clothing options, holster options, etc to see if they are comfortable and stay concealed through the normal range of motion. Many people, myself included, put on their CCW as part of getting dressed, even if just hanging out at home. The only time I don't have it on at home in fact is at night when sitting at my desk, but there is one in the drawer. A good belt will help with that feeling of weight. A good gun belt is well worth the money and is really the foundation to a comfortable carry rig. The instructor belts from The Wilderness.com are great and a reasonably priced for the quality.

Don't fall into the illusion that you are safe just because you are in your home. Read the Armed Citizen each month in the NRA publications and you'll see that most of the shooting stories are people defending themselves in their own home. The back stories are online at http://www.nraila.org/ArmedCitizen/default.aspx. If you haven't joined the NRA, as a gun owner you should. They are a major reason why your XD came with a mag holding 10 rounds. I don't always agree with 100% of the NRA's decisions (then again I don't always agree with my wife's decisions) but they are the major national organization defending the Second Amendment. For the $40 annual dues you get a nice magazine and you help make sure the membership is large enough that politicians have to pay attention to us.

Normal people spend hours watching football, baseball, basketball, home improvement shows, animal shows, fishing, golf instruction shows, etc. Shows about firearms and hunting are no different. People watch what they are interested in. Who's not normal, person A who watches a show about firearms or person B who watches a show where two homosexuals give people a fashion make over? Answer, they're both normal and just enjoying watching what they find entertaining or informative.

Practicing drawing and dry firing at home is one of the best and cheapest ways to improve your gun handling skill. Best thing for this with the XD is to get a plastic training barrel. With this installed there is no risk of a negligent discharge. http://www.ambientweather.com/mo59163-330.html

Try some wall drills http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid452320104/bclid459256134/bctid909886852
 
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It sounds more like she is complaining about an obsession... not necessarily the gun itself.

That was my reading as well.

It's not surprising that she'd want to talk to you about your behavior if it's as extreme as you portray - especially after being woken-up in the manner that you've described.
 
Thanks guys, this is all helpful. We talked again just now and she stated her big problem was and I quote

"You went from wanting a .22 plinking gun and I said, great, go get one, I love shooting .22 rifles! But it when from that to getting your gift cards for christmas to purchasing a 9mm "people killer" handgun 2 days later and now talking about SD and HD was WAAAY to much to fast. You are always meticulous and spread out over your purchases, researching them and taking your time but this round, you went full bore without even informing me"


In other words. I think its summed up as
A: I need to take this gun ownership thing SLOWLY and VERY seriously, especially SD and HD, if my mentality can even handle it
B: She needs to slowly open her mind to this hobby/lifestyle and give her time/space to do so.

And for those of you suggesting I dump her, please spare me the high school attitude towards woman.
 
Way back when I was dating it always included trips to the range and have never spent more than a night with a anti gunner. The woman that puts up with me now(20yrs.) Told me the day we moved in together that I could buy any gun as long as it was BLUE. Try to stay armed 24/7 and the only grief I got was she thought my 1911 was wearing out my side of the couch. Simple solution was to switch to a Glock 36. She shoots a G-17 so that ended as a win. Good luck with the ladies.
 
I think you made a mistake by waking her up with a gun at your side without giving her any sort of warning. I don't mean to be a jerk, but IMHO it just wasn't a wise thing to do.

Most people who don't spend time immersed in the gun culture- and this means most people as a proportion of the general population- can be taken aback or even downright terrified at the unexpected sight of a gun. :( On the other side of the coin, "gun people" who are surprised by the unexpected sight of a gun may react by drawing their own. :eek: Unless a particular person is routinely accustomed to seeing you with a gun, IMHO it's a matter of good manners and personal caution to announce to that person that you're going to be appearing with a gun in the immediate future. "Hey pal, I need to break in my new holster for my .45, so I'm going to go get it now." :)

However, if your GF is genuinely freaked out by the fact that you're carrying a gun, and she can't get over it with a little straightforward discussion and a little time to cool off, IMHO you should consider breaking up with her. A relationship is about compromise; when one partner refuses to compromise, it does not bode well for the relationship as a whole. IMHO it's unfair to expect her to like guns as much as you do, but OTOH she should be able to tolerate them as long as your hobby isn't hurting your relationship in other ways. If she can't bring herself to tolerate guns no matter what, look at it this way: it's easier and cheaper than a divorce. :rolleyes:
 
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