Do NOT take your wife/gf shooting...
- Thread starter EdInk
- Start date
My wife is an excellent shot with a rifle-- but pistols do not hold any excitement for her.
We live out in the country, and after talking with her for quite some time, she has finally agreed that it is prudent to have a firearm available and on her person when I'm not there--especially if she's working out on the edges of our property.
After going through a few of the handguns, she finally settled on one that she's comfortable with. There is a Glock 19 Gen. 4 and possibly a Galco Combat Master holster on the way for her. We'll practice with ball ammo but she will probably be carrying Gold Dot or Golden Saber in the gun.
We live out in the country, and after talking with her for quite some time, she has finally agreed that it is prudent to have a firearm available and on her person when I'm not there--especially if she's working out on the edges of our property.
After going through a few of the handguns, she finally settled on one that she's comfortable with. There is a Glock 19 Gen. 4 and possibly a Galco Combat Master holster on the way for her. We'll practice with ball ammo but she will probably be carrying Gold Dot or Golden Saber in the gun.
Derek,
I have dealt with a similar situation. When I recently returned to pistol shooting my wife and 13 y.o. daughter were both strongly opposed. Neither wanted a gun in the house.
I took the time to talk with my daughter and give her information and context about firearms. I educated her about the presence of firearms in society and the role they play in law and order and security and sport.
I reminded my wife that she knew that I had been a pistol shooter before we married (even though I wasn't then involved) and I simply said that I was returning to it.
I have gradually overcome the objections of both by perseverance, education and an incremental and staged process of exposure; basically a slow process of building trust concerning firearms. It has taken time but it has been worth the effort because only this morning (as my wife saw me writing this post) she said that she is going to buy me a pistol for my birthday next week.
Hang in there, it can be done.
I have dealt with a similar situation. When I recently returned to pistol shooting my wife and 13 y.o. daughter were both strongly opposed. Neither wanted a gun in the house.
I took the time to talk with my daughter and give her information and context about firearms. I educated her about the presence of firearms in society and the role they play in law and order and security and sport.
I reminded my wife that she knew that I had been a pistol shooter before we married (even though I wasn't then involved) and I simply said that I was returning to it.
I have gradually overcome the objections of both by perseverance, education and an incremental and staged process of exposure; basically a slow process of building trust concerning firearms. It has taken time but it has been worth the effort because only this morning (as my wife saw me writing this post) she said that she is going to buy me a pistol for my birthday next week.
Hang in there, it can be done.
Glad you got your kid straightened out about firearms. I blame the schools and media for misinforming children about guns. (Not really BUT the anti's do it whenever a person illegally uses a firearm. I just wanted to see what it felt like to pass the buck.) Anyway, I just wanted to mention that (as a previous poster mentioned) it is often a very good idea to have your wife/girl friend take some basic courses from an instructor (other than oneself) if you are not a person of great patience.
EdInk, I see fewer guys who suffer from lack of patience, than guys who suffer from lack of grace when it turns out the women outshoot them.
I also see a lot of guys at the range who have NO business trying to teach their wives, daughters, girlfriends, or anybody else...
One that springs to mind was the guy who didn't realize his 2.5" Model 19 could shoot .38 ammo, so was teaching the women with full-power .357 in a snub K-frame, their first time shooting... Mother and daughter were very happy to learn they could use the 148gr .38 wadcutters sold at the range, and their flinching and obvious discomfort soon faded away.
That guy, unfortunately, was not an uncommon specimen as far as guys I've seen trying to teach people how to shoot.
Yet another reason to start her out with a pro, where feasible.
I also see a lot of guys at the range who have NO business trying to teach their wives, daughters, girlfriends, or anybody else...
One that springs to mind was the guy who didn't realize his 2.5" Model 19 could shoot .38 ammo, so was teaching the women with full-power .357 in a snub K-frame, their first time shooting... Mother and daughter were very happy to learn they could use the 148gr .38 wadcutters sold at the range, and their flinching and obvious discomfort soon faded away.
That guy, unfortunately, was not an uncommon specimen as far as guys I've seen trying to teach people how to shoot.
Yet another reason to start her out with a pro, where feasible.
Derek Scammon
Inactive
Thanks for the advice, guys. She's gotten over the initial outrage of having guns in the house, so I'm hoping that she'll come around some day. I'd love to teach her to shoot; in fact, basically the only reason I bothered with the .22 is so I'd have something for her to learn on, if she ever decides she wants to. On the plus side of the balance sheet, her BFF, who is from the same city and grew up in nearly identical circumstances, recently took a self-defense class that taught some basic Krav Maga and included a day at the range. The BFF thought shooting pistols was the best thing ever, so hopefully that will help convince her. I know sometimes in situations like this, a person doesn't trust the word of the one who stands to gain from their acceptance. (Basically, I think she suspects that everything I say to try to assuage her fears is a lie or half-truth designed to further my own agenda; so hopefully hearing some of the same things about guns from a trusted friend will help.) Time will tell.
I made it a point to register my wife in handgun classes when she decided to move up from a single action .22. She's taken mixed M/F classes and one all female class. Her complaint about the female class was that it moved too slow. It didn't get to the stuff she wanted to practice most, using cover and movement, because the spent too much time teaching other ladies what a handgun was. (She'd taken the class once before)
She's now signed up for Defensive Handgun II (from Practical Firearms Training) which should really push her. It did me. One handed weak side failure drills will open her eyes. She's letting me take this one with her.
She's now signed up for Defensive Handgun II (from Practical Firearms Training) which should really push her. It did me. One handed weak side failure drills will open her eyes. She's letting me take this one with her.
OBVIOUSLY, lack of general firearm knowledge and safety are reason NOT to teach another person. I can only speak from PERSONAL experience (and admittance of my own shortcomings) that trying to teach a complete newbie spouse can be challenge. I am all for doing things oneself BUT sometimes it is just better to hire somebody else. YMMV
EdInk, I'm a former military flight instructor, and licensed CFI/CFII. I'd have to think long and hard before deciding to give my significant other serious flight training. And we have had one argument in four years. (It's not that we never disagree, it's just that we are on the same wavelength, and let each other know when something might be a problem. And, FWIW, the one argument was my fault.)
But the question, as far as training goes, is who would need more patience? It could be argued she would need more.
I'd have to deal with a student who was (theoretically) more likely to ask questions mid-sentence in a lecture portion, more likely to take any criticisms as personal instead of professional, more likely to suffer hurt feelings.
She, on the other hand, would have to deal with an instructor who knows how generally competent she is, and who might expect her to perform at above-beginner-level sooner than might be realistic.
There are other issues that could pop up.
My point remains, though, that such issues normally go two ways.
But the question, as far as training goes, is who would need more patience? It could be argued she would need more.
I'd have to deal with a student who was (theoretically) more likely to ask questions mid-sentence in a lecture portion, more likely to take any criticisms as personal instead of professional, more likely to suffer hurt feelings.
She, on the other hand, would have to deal with an instructor who knows how generally competent she is, and who might expect her to perform at above-beginner-level sooner than might be realistic.
There are other issues that could pop up.
My point remains, though, that such issues normally go two ways.
meh..... I get what your saying and it sounds like you more or less agree with me and few of the other members who have tried to teach theor significant other to handle a firearm with no prior experience.
I'd still rather just have her take some Basic Handgun classes at the range and if you asked her, she'd say the same thing.
One could almost compare it to children's athletics. A guy might be a good High School coach but not a good Tee-Ball coach. You CAN teach the VERY basics BUT you can teach people that already have the basics about strategy and what-not better.
People sometimes forget that it takes more than being good or knowing alot about a subject to teach others about it. IMHO the hardest part about teaching is sharing that knowledge/skills with others in a manner they can effectively understand and utilize it for themselves. Good teachers are a valuable resource.
I'd still rather just have her take some Basic Handgun classes at the range and if you asked her, she'd say the same thing.
One could almost compare it to children's athletics. A guy might be a good High School coach but not a good Tee-Ball coach. You CAN teach the VERY basics BUT you can teach people that already have the basics about strategy and what-not better.
People sometimes forget that it takes more than being good or knowing alot about a subject to teach others about it. IMHO the hardest part about teaching is sharing that knowledge/skills with others in a manner they can effectively understand and utilize it for themselves. Good teachers are a valuable resource.
stickhauler
New member
Joe, I didn't know you'd married my ex-wife. You have my deepest sympathies.
My second bride is a good ole' country girl. We've been married 25 years now, and sorry, you can't have her. My wife got interested in shooting, but swears she can't manipulate a semi-auto. She looked through the guns I have and saw my old Ruger Service Six in .38 Special. I hadn't shot that revolver hardly at all for years, so she adopted it for her own. She's not ready to get a CCW yet, but she's comfortable with her revolver. I'm looking for a second revolver for her so she's got one handy on either floor of the house. Preferably a lighter weight than the Ruger, so when she decides to start carrying, she'll have an option for that use.
But it's her decision on what make and model that one is. The ONLY item she has no issue with my taste is jewelry.
My second bride is a good ole' country girl. We've been married 25 years now, and sorry, you can't have her. My wife got interested in shooting, but swears she can't manipulate a semi-auto. She looked through the guns I have and saw my old Ruger Service Six in .38 Special. I hadn't shot that revolver hardly at all for years, so she adopted it for her own. She's not ready to get a CCW yet, but she's comfortable with her revolver. I'm looking for a second revolver for her so she's got one handy on either floor of the house. Preferably a lighter weight than the Ruger, so when she decides to start carrying, she'll have an option for that use.
But it's her decision on what make and model that one is. The ONLY item she has no issue with my taste is jewelry.
Derek Scammon
Inactive
Ed/Leake:
What exactly are you guys talking about; teaching Mama about firearms safety, operation, and marksmanship; or full-on advanced combat training? If you're just talking about taking the wife to the range to show her how to shoot a gun, I'd say that if a husband and wife can't get throught THAT together, a guy should take a look at the wife and decide if he wants to pursue her when they're divorced next year.
If you're talking about the full monty, so to speak, with lectures and FOF training, then I agree with you; it's better to pay for the formal course. Me and the old lady don't get along too well these days, but I can't imagine that there are more than five or six women in the entire world who would be willing to sit down on the couch while Hubby stands on the coffee table delivering a lecture on tactical maneuvers under fire, not to mention how she'll feel about him shooting her in the face with Simunitions!
What exactly are you guys talking about; teaching Mama about firearms safety, operation, and marksmanship; or full-on advanced combat training? If you're just talking about taking the wife to the range to show her how to shoot a gun, I'd say that if a husband and wife can't get throught THAT together, a guy should take a look at the wife and decide if he wants to pursue her when they're divorced next year.
If you're talking about the full monty, so to speak, with lectures and FOF training, then I agree with you; it's better to pay for the formal course. Me and the old lady don't get along too well these days, but I can't imagine that there are more than five or six women in the entire world who would be willing to sit down on the couch while Hubby stands on the coffee table delivering a lecture on tactical maneuvers under fire, not to mention how she'll feel about him shooting her in the face with Simunitions!
Derek,
I won't speak for Ed.
What I am saying boils down to a few things:
1) To teach, one should know the subject well, and be able to effectively convey knowledge. Not everybody can do that. Some people are great at execution, but not at instruction. I've taught quite a few people to shoot, and guess I'm ok at it, as I've had several of those people ask me to teach their friends and family members. I could not begin to teach, say, horsemanship. I understand how to instruct, in general, but could not possibly demonstrate the techniques of that skill.
My lady, on the other hand, was a professional trainer of both riders and horses. She understands instruction, but could not teach people how to fly a plane, for instance.
I have buddies who are airline pilots at major airlines, who couldn't teach people how to tie their shoes. They know how to fly; some of them know how to play the stock market; but they don't know how to instruct.
2) To effectively convey knowledge, one has to be able to recognize the student's ability and knowledge level. Too simple an approach can lose a more advanced student, and too technical an approach can lose the newbie.
3) To get the student's attention, the instructor needs to have credibility. It may be hard to be viewed as an expert, by the person who has watched you order spicy Thai food even though you and she both know you'll be in agony later that night. Sometimes, lack of familiarity can be a plus. The third-party instructor is bound to have some skeletons, but we don't get a view into his closet, and what we don't know doesn't (normally) affect our perception.
4) I have taken my current lady shooting, and our dynamic is normally such that I feel comfortable teaching her how to do most things. BUT... I have been with other people whom I'd have been very reluctant to try to teach anything... I had my ex in a flight simulator one time, in a model in which I had over 2,000 hours (more than the sim instructor had)... she told me to just be quiet and let him tell her how to operate the controls; he told her to do the same things I'd been telling her, in much the same way, but she was willing to listen to him.
Even with the current lady, when a buddy and I took her on her first white-water trip, she was so nervous that we opted to hire a professional guide to teach her the ropes. My buddy and I were both experienced, but my lady was not raised around water, and her apprehension levels were too high for us to overcome. Luckily, the instructor made her comfortable, and she ended up having a blast.
I won't speak for Ed.
What I am saying boils down to a few things:
1) To teach, one should know the subject well, and be able to effectively convey knowledge. Not everybody can do that. Some people are great at execution, but not at instruction. I've taught quite a few people to shoot, and guess I'm ok at it, as I've had several of those people ask me to teach their friends and family members. I could not begin to teach, say, horsemanship. I understand how to instruct, in general, but could not possibly demonstrate the techniques of that skill.
My lady, on the other hand, was a professional trainer of both riders and horses. She understands instruction, but could not teach people how to fly a plane, for instance.
I have buddies who are airline pilots at major airlines, who couldn't teach people how to tie their shoes. They know how to fly; some of them know how to play the stock market; but they don't know how to instruct.
2) To effectively convey knowledge, one has to be able to recognize the student's ability and knowledge level. Too simple an approach can lose a more advanced student, and too technical an approach can lose the newbie.
3) To get the student's attention, the instructor needs to have credibility. It may be hard to be viewed as an expert, by the person who has watched you order spicy Thai food even though you and she both know you'll be in agony later that night. Sometimes, lack of familiarity can be a plus. The third-party instructor is bound to have some skeletons, but we don't get a view into his closet, and what we don't know doesn't (normally) affect our perception.
4) I have taken my current lady shooting, and our dynamic is normally such that I feel comfortable teaching her how to do most things. BUT... I have been with other people whom I'd have been very reluctant to try to teach anything... I had my ex in a flight simulator one time, in a model in which I had over 2,000 hours (more than the sim instructor had)... she told me to just be quiet and let him tell her how to operate the controls; he told her to do the same things I'd been telling her, in much the same way, but she was willing to listen to him.
Even with the current lady, when a buddy and I took her on her first white-water trip, she was so nervous that we opted to hire a professional guide to teach her the ropes. My buddy and I were both experienced, but my lady was not raised around water, and her apprehension levels were too high for us to overcome. Luckily, the instructor made her comfortable, and she ended up having a blast.
As a professional firearms instructor, I spend a lot of time fixing the utterly unnecessary damage well-meaning loved ones do to their spouse's progress in learning to shoot.
If you have any reasonable options at all, let someone else instruct your wife in the basics.
www.corneredcat.com/Teaching/wife.aspx
pax
If you have any reasonable options at all, let someone else instruct your wife in the basics.
www.corneredcat.com/Teaching/wife.aspx
pax
You are lucky...
I think you are lucky to have a wife who goes shooting with you and wants specific guns for herself. Certainly getting her a 9mm 1911 is far more important than buying some AK for yourself! Many people have wives who don't approve of guns and give their husbands a hard time on this topic.
I am lucky in having a wife who likes guns, goes shooting and has bought a couple of her own. But we really share all our guns, and have maybe 40 between us. I will admit that I bought most of them, but if I die then she owns them, and vice versa - so it really doesn't matter who "owns" them.
I think you are lucky to have a wife who goes shooting with you and wants specific guns for herself. Certainly getting her a 9mm 1911 is far more important than buying some AK for yourself! Many people have wives who don't approve of guns and give their husbands a hard time on this topic.
I am lucky in having a wife who likes guns, goes shooting and has bought a couple of her own. But we really share all our guns, and have maybe 40 between us. I will admit that I bought most of them, but if I die then she owns them, and vice versa - so it really doesn't matter who "owns" them.
Tactical Jackalope
New member
Agreed with the above. my girl hates it....
Kills me inside.
Kills me inside.
Mleake (and pax) hit the nail on the head, in regards to the training/teaching aspect. It takes more than being a good player to be a good coach.
Also, there are different styles of teaching/coaching/managing AND people learn/comprehend/understand things best in different ways. In my experience, you get the best results when the teaching and learning styles match well.
Also, there are different styles of teaching/coaching/managing AND people learn/comprehend/understand things best in different ways. In my experience, you get the best results when the teaching and learning styles match well.
Nnobby45,
She probably would have just "staked a claim" to my 1911, if not for the recoil of the .45acp cartridge. For that reason alone it deserves it's reputation of being one of the all time greatest calibers.
(In ring announcer voice)
In THIS magazine......from Salt Lake City, Utah... Wearing a brass case with full metal jacket.....Weighing in at TWO HUNDRED and THIRTY grains with a velocity of EIGHT HUNDRED and FIFTEEN feet per SECOND..... The TWO-TIME World War winner....the champion of the KOREAN war, the TOP-ranked contender of the VIETNAM war. The VICTOR of the Cold War against RUSSIA and Warsaw Pact NATIONS...... A truly AMERICAN cartridge from John MOSES Browning with LONGEST service use of ANY pistol caliber in U.S. HISTORY.... The ONE. The ONLY. The LEGENDARY...... Fooooorrrrtttyyy Fiiiivvve A.C.P. !!!!
She probably would have just "staked a claim" to my 1911, if not for the recoil of the .45acp cartridge. For that reason alone it deserves it's reputation of being one of the all time greatest calibers.
(In ring announcer voice)
In THIS magazine......from Salt Lake City, Utah... Wearing a brass case with full metal jacket.....Weighing in at TWO HUNDRED and THIRTY grains with a velocity of EIGHT HUNDRED and FIFTEEN feet per SECOND..... The TWO-TIME World War winner....the champion of the KOREAN war, the TOP-ranked contender of the VIETNAM war. The VICTOR of the Cold War against RUSSIA and Warsaw Pact NATIONS...... A truly AMERICAN cartridge from John MOSES Browning with LONGEST service use of ANY pistol caliber in U.S. HISTORY.... The ONE. The ONLY. The LEGENDARY...... Fooooorrrrtttyyy Fiiiivvve A.C.P. !!!!