Another Assault tuna attack

Press Release from the Office of Calif AG Bill Lockyer

In an effort to protect the Public Safety and coinciding with a new Assembly Bill sponsored by Don Perata; AG Lockyer endorses AB99831-P, the Tuna Ban. Lockyer also notes that with the upcoming albacore season, thousands and thousands of assault tuna will be migrating into Calif waters within days. Lockyer supports an amendment to the Tuna Bill to include albacore (technically a tuna but heretofore not included in the Tuna Ban due to the name loophole). "The intent of the Tuna Ban is to regulate this dangerous class of fish, thereby protecting our children. The NFA has constantly poured huge amounts of money in thwarting legislation necessary for public safety, deceiving the public into believing individual rights and liberties are threatened. Our children have the right to be safe, is that unreasonable?".

Perata's bill does not deprive the citizens of tuna...it merely prohibits the possession of intact whole tuna. Fillets and steaks are legal and will not require registration.

Lockyer has also asked for Federal funding and increases Coast Guard activity to prevent the flood of foreign tuna into California waters. Sen. Feinstein and Boxer have pledged to introduce Senate bills banning the import of foreign tuna.

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"Quis custodiet ipsos custodes"



[This message has been edited by DC (edited June 28, 1999).]
 
life immitates python:

Fish Slapping Dance

As featured in the Flying Circus TV Show - Episode 28

The cast:

JOHN CLEESE
MICHAEL PALIN

The sketch:

(An animated item ends with a sign saying 'And now, the Fish Slapping Dance'.
(Cut to a quayside. John and Michael, dressed in tropical gear and solar topees. John stands still while Michael dances up and down befire him to the jolly music of Edward
German. Michael holds two tiny fish and from time to time in the course of the dance he slaps John lightly, across the cheeks with them. The music ends; Michael stops dancing.
John produces a huge great fish and swipes Michael with it. Michael falls off the quay into the water.)

(ANIMATION: underwater. We see an animated Michael sinking. He is swallowed by a fish with a swastika on its side.)

Nazi Fish: Welcome aboard, Britisher pig. Quite a little surprise, ja? But perhaps you would be so kind as to tell us au you know about certain allied shipping routes, ja? Come on,
talk!

(The Nazi fish is swallowed by a fish with an RAF emblem.)

British Fish: Hello, Fritz. Tables seem to have turned, old chap, let's see how you like a bit of your own medicine, eh? Come on, Fritz, now tell us - tell us about...

(The British fish is swallowed by a Chinese fish.)

Chinese Fish: Ah, gleetings, capitalist dog; very sorry but must inform you, you are now prisoner of People's Republic.

Second Voice: Am very sorry, comrade commando, but have just picked up capitalist ship on ladar scanner.

(The Chinese fish. bites the underside of a large ship. Film of big liner sinking in storm. General panic and dramatic music.)
 
Clobbering the Captain with a tuna? And all they charged him with is assault with a deadly weapon? Possibly attempted murder?
Isn't attacking the captain of a vessel mutiny? Aren't they supposed to hang mutineers from the yardarm? I wonder if the captains name was Bligh?
Paul B.
 
dZ, "Peals of derisive laughter, Bruce!"

I'm afraid any tuna in my household (pre or post ban) would soon be scaled, gutted and grilled with Cajun seasonings... wouldn't last long as a defensive weapon!

As an offensive weapon? Leave it out in this TX heat for a few days, and NOONE would set foot near our house! ;) (ha ha I finally figured it out, Thx Miss D)

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Janet Reno, aka "tertiary adjunct 5 of 12"... "We are BIG BROTHER. Resistance is futile, you will be assimilated..."
 
DZ,

I LOVE Monty Python! Thanks for the link!

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John/az

"They come, they eat, they leave...
"They come, they eat, they leave...NOT!!

Bill Clinton (aka: Hopper) Al Gore (aka: Molt) Janet Reno (aka: Thumper)

Ants UNITE!
 
Wow. I wonder if the perp was using one of those select-fire assault yellow fins. Or maybe just a semi blue fin. Either way, they both look the same except for the colors so both will eventually get banned.

The answer to the concealed version is a light weight mackeral. The Brasilians will of course have their own pirahna versions.

Before you know it, they'll start using those ink squirtin squids as less-than-leathal weapons.

- Ron V.

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[This message has been edited by hksigwalther (edited June 28, 1999).]
 
And we will have to watch out for those that have made multiple purchases of canned tuna. The sales will have to be reported to the BATFF (Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Fish.) All fishmongers would have to be federally licensed and all purchasers would have to fill out a 4473(f).

Hummmm, I wonder if I can adapt my spudgun to take carp? To hell with the tuna, go for carp or dogfish.

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Ne Conjuge Nobiscum
"If there be treachery, let there be jehad!"
 
ROTFLMAO!

Seriously though...I live in SD and I this is the first I have heard of this!

thaddeus

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"It's a hell of a thing, killin' a man....you take away all he's got, and all he's ever gonna have" - William Munny (Clint Eastwood), The Unforgiven
 
There are something like 80 million people in America who have a "can of tuna in the cabinet," but only 4 or 5 million consider themselves to be tuna owners. :)

[This message has been edited by Ewok (edited June 29, 1999).]
 
Let's face it. The only reason we are still allowed to have tuna at all is through the lobbying efforts of the NRA-ILA (National Rod'nreel Association - Institute to Legalize Albacore).
 
DZ..Saw an interview during a Python retrospective where John Cleese said the fish dance was his favorite skit of all. Thanks for the link.

Chris..
 
Do you gus 'n gals have the packs of frozen "fish fingers" over there?
I prefer the 30rnd fishpower you can deliver with or without the optional 60 can/drum mag!
Eat fish & die suckers :)
**************************
Unh, unh
I know what you're thinking...
Did he fire 6 fingers or only 5 ?
Well the truth is in all this frying,I kinda lost track myself.
But being this here is a .44 Mackeral,
The most powerful Handfish in the whole World...
And it could whummp your head clean orf.
You just gotta ask yourself one question.
Do I feel hungry ?
Well... Do ya?....PUNK !

"The Grunneon From Downunder"

[This message has been edited by HS (edited June 29, 1999).]
 
Do any of you people realize how sicl you are?
I have always known that you can tell a lot about people by what makes them laugh.

Since all humor is perverse I guess you know what that makes us.

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Better days to be,

Ed
 
Miss Demeanors, those are armor-piercing fishsticks! They are a destructive device. Turn yours in at your nearest police station.

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If what you know, isn't what you do, then your training is incomplete.
 
Uh oh is my door going to be kicked in at 4am where I will have to hide the stash in my tunasafe? Who will draw their tuna first?

This is way too funny.
 
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