But....a .357 revolver offers a much wider range of POTENTIAL than any 9mm revolver.
Unless you reload, there are very few commerial 9mm powder puff loads, because they are designed for semi autos that can't take very reduced loads. So thereby reducing the selection of low power loads. There are no 9mm loads that will approach the maximum 180 grain .357 woods loads for revolvers, so that limits the upper range of 9mm.
So a .357 offers the maximum range of soft to hot.
While quick followup shots are the rage in the run and gun game community, a self defense senario might require a more deligent approach to shoot and access. Especially with a five shot revolver, it might not be so advantageous to shoot all your loads so fast!
Remember, one good shot is worth more than two quick misses or poorly placed shots. So recoil control might not be the end all to decision about the caliber that you choose.
The power of the round should have no effect on accuracy, unless you are prone to flinching.
My daily carry is a .357 revolver because I live in the woods, and 4 legged creatures are as much a threat as anything else. In the summer I have one shot shell, three SD .38 +P and one 2 .357 BB woods in the cylinder to cover the wide range of applications.