You might be a mall ninja

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You consider a golf cart to be a viable urban assault vehicle.
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Sung to the tune of the "Cops" theme song...

Bad boys, bad boys
Whatcha gonna do
Whatcha gonna do when the golf cart comes for you

Bad boys, bad boys
Whatcha gonna do
Whatcha gonna do when the golf cart comes for you

Mall se-cu-ri-ty comin' in the golf cart
If you ain't runnin' yet, then you really better start
Se-cu-ri-ty mall ninja comin' at you with his Glock
Gonna blow you full'a holes usin' tha Extreme Shock

Bad boys, bad boys
Whatcha gonna do
Whatcha gonna do when the golf cart comes for you

Bad boys, bad boys
Whatcha gonna do
Whatcha gonna do when the golf cart comes for you
:D
 
You can't imagine carrying a revolver or single-stack semi-auto as your primary CCW piece, because 5-8 rounds would be inadequate if you're assaulted by a 5-man team of commandos at the neighborhood EZ-Mart.
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Now, waaaaaaait a minute............
 
You might be a mall ninja if...

Your first thought upon seeing a nice original condition milsurp of any variety is "wow, I could buy that for cheap and toss a Tapco stock on the thing along with a scope mount and have a cheap tactical rifle!"

You own several knives, but only the Swiss Army Knife doesn't look like something out of a comic book or martial arts movie.

You have numerous patches or stickers of different military units. You've never even been inside a recruiting station.

You consider a zombie apocalypse not fodder for a fun BS session but a real possibility for which you have been preparing.

You spend more money on MOLLE gear and other "tactical" wear than you do on a year's worth of range ammo.

When somebody even mentions another make or model of firearm as being equal or better than your pet brand (usually the "Deagle," a Glock, or a HK), no matter the application, your first reaction is to post hateful messages about how the person just doesn't understand guns in general. Even experience owning a machine gun store pales to your Counterstrike time.

You know for a fact that a more powerful round is always better. It doesn't matter if you're just popping a squirrel out of the bird feeder, you have no manhood if you used anything less than a 7.62 NATO.
 
you might be a mall ninja...

...if you carry just as many knives as magazines.

Most of your T-shirts are emblazoned with the logo of your favorite brand of handgun. (Double mall-ninja points if you don't actually own one. )
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--- CRAP, I'm wearing a S&W t-shirt right now. But I do own two S&W's. I also have an "I support Blackwater" shirt.
 
-If your primary criteria in selecting optics is a ruby coated lens.
-You have Vietnam flashbacks but were born in 1990.
 
redneck_swiss_army_gun.jpg
InternetCommando.jpg
 
--- CRAP, I'm wearing a S&W t-shirt right now. But I do own two S&W's.
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Fear not. If the gun shirts don't make up most of your wardrobe, you're cool. :)

Furthermore, old-school traditional brands such as S&W, Colt, and Marlin don't add as many mall-ninja points as Glock, HK, and suchlike. ;)

I'll add another criteria.

Your vehicle has two or more stickers on it proclaiming your favorite handgun brand. Double mall-ninja points if you don't actually own such a gun. Triple mall-ninja points if the car formerly belonged to your mom or grandma. 10x mall-ninja points if it still technically belongs to her. :D
 
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You store extra ammo in a backpack.....and put it on your dog.

You study your cat for ninja skills.

You spray paint all your milsurps black.

You stockpile fireworks to defend against possibls enemy APC's.

You have desert,redtiger,bluetiger,digital and gold camo patterns even tough
you live in north carolina.

You veiw cod4 as a training simulator.And you think that if you kill 7 cans
you can call in a chopper.
 
You type SHTF, BOB, TEOTEAWKI, or similar acronyms at least once a week, (or even once in your life).........oops, I just did, well there's a first...
AND spend lots of time reading threads on the internet of such.

You've thought of owning a radiation fallout suit

Your idea of 'fair stalk' is the piece of celery in your Bloody Mary

You've never heard of Herter's in your lifetime.

You don't regularly wear a belt, but have at least 10 accessories that hang on one.

You own a knife with that 'little sharp curvy thing on the end', but don't know what it's for.
'
 
you buy wolf ammo and put it in a box of mil spec so it looks like your using cool tactical stuff at the range.

you think Glock should make rifles

If you talk about your favorite guns, based on video game stats, but when at the range dont really shoot anything (i know this guy, boring range buddy)

actually ahng a 37mm flare gun on something to look like an m203

think a barett 82 is a portable urban weapon

think you need a m249 and a deegtle to acompany the above

never work out but claim you can meet SF requirements

have no safety training
 
You have made more YouTube videos of you holding your guns, than you have made range trips to actually SHOOT your guns.

You and your buddies argue over the Internet about which gun is better, and you don't own, or have ever seen either one.
 
You saw pictures of the rail-mounted bayonet on a handgun and felt screwed because you had that idea years ago.
 
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