Why I carry at home, and why I wish my wife would........

bababooey ~

Okay, now turn it around: SHE has every bit as much right to decide how HER children are raised and protected as YOU do. That's the way it works ... and there you are back at square one.

If a man makes odious on the subject, then on the day his wife realizes she's tired of being lectured as if she were a child, she'll find herself a more pleasant companion. And when she leaves, the man loses almost all ability to protect his children anyway, because they'll spend most of their time somewhere else, under someone else's roof, learning someone else's values.

That's the reality.

Flies, honey, vinegar.

So if it's really important to you, stop lobbying. Don't give her a chance to dig her heels in. Do give her an opportunity to do her own thinking, ask her own questions, and come to her own conclusions, in an atmosphere where it doesn't cost her ego anything to change her mind.

pax
 
I hear you Scott, but...

Have you even asked your wife if she could, with a clear conscience, kill another human being?
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My wife and I have talked about defending our children in general terms. neither of us are violent people, but we both agree that in defending each other or the kids we would have no problem dipatching with a BG(s). I don't think that's the hang-up. I think her hang up has to do with being unfamilar with guns (as I am as well) and never having spent time around them. As is mentioned often here, that "mystique" or aura of the unknown creates a bit of fear. I think if we can get them past that, we can successfully encourage them to defned themselves.

...what steps have you taken to secure your home to keep an aggressor out in the first place?
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I believe our home is quite secure. There's only 2 entrances to the home on the ground floor. One is a solid metal door the other is a solid-core doior, both deadboltyed and alarmed. All windows are alarmed and off the ground (10ft or more). Ample outdoor lighting. gated community. Neighborhood watch. Add common-sense behavior and awareness (sometimes she aggravates me with her paranoia), and I feel we are in good shape. I bet if someone tried to break in, they would fail and/or be scared off by alarm. I am not, however, willing to bet my life on it, so I chose to bring in one last line of defense.....

Have you given any thought to the possibility that in a moment of extreme stress during an armed attack, she accidentally kills one of your children?
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No...but there are an infinite number of potentails and "possibilities" that I don't give much thought too. I could stumle and trip and the BG could close on me....I could shoot and miss and hit the stove and cause a fire. I could.............The reality is that there are far more dangers to my children than me or my wife accidentaly shooting them. More kids are run over by their parents then are accidentalyy shot by them. But we still both drive.

All I ask is that you think long and hard before putting a lethal weapon in the hands of an amateur.
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Most of us are amateurs. I know LEOs and military patrol these boards, but unless you're being paid to shoot or carry, you're an amateur. Why do you assume that I am taking this lightly? It is a serious decision that has serious implications. I am in the process of learning to safely operate a firearm before I purchase one, what makes you think we wouldn't do the same for my wife. Someone put a firearm in YOUR hand for the first time once too.
 
My wife and I had an interesting conversation Tuesday evening.

She asked, "How's Joe's friend's wife?" (the lady who was stabbed).

I said, "Last I heard doing well but I forgot to ask Joe about any updates today".

She said, "You keep that shotgun out for me in the closet, Do you keep any other guns out?"

Me, "No, I don't leave any handguns out because of the kids. Even putting them up on a high shelf isn't a good solution. I could get a quick access safe and put a revolver in it, maybe."

She said, "how much do those cost?"

Me, "Not much"

Her, "Where would you put it?"

Me, "I don't know, maybe in a closet or something. Somewhere out of plain sight"

Her, "Put it behind that door (pointing at our bedroom door)"

Needless to say there will be one behind that door ASAP.
 
Withoutout nagging, keep on her about carrying. lol

Having weapons locked up does nothing for your/her protection.

Training children is a MUST!!! I was raised with loaded firearms throughout the house and was shooting since 4 or 5 years old. I was taught from a very early age that they are not toys. They can be dangerous, etc. The standing rule that was drilled into my younger brother and I was..."if you want to see one you ALWAYS ask me(my dad) and you can see it any time". More than once I woke my dad at 3am and asked to see one. He'd tell me to hold on a minute and then got up and asked which one I wanted. We were also drilled on safety. Muzzle awareness, etc. "The most dangerous firearm is the one that's not loaded!!!" Teach your children!


I'm kinda new around here and don't know if this made the rounds here...

...lock bumping.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRtSikCqWIg


I can't vouch for this. Probably best to consult a pro.
...how to stop lock bumping without changing locks.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGX6jyyIkPk&feature=related
 
Pax, seriously, you need to do the world a favor and get a talk show host gig on prime time. You're awesome.

My story uses much of Pax's 'pretty-much-standard advice'.

My wife/best friend/partner in crime didn't much like guns a few years ago--to the point of "Guns kill people: why do you even want one?" She's pretty good with them now--because I kept asking her "Why do you think that?" when she objected to me doing a CCW class, hunting, etc. And then I shut the hell up and listened to her answer. More often than not, I responded with "Honey, I love you very much and I hate to sound like a two year old, but why do you think this other thing that follows?" And if she started getting heated, I'd say "Honey, I love you very much and I'm so psyched to be talking about this with you but I don't want you to be mad at me. Can we table this, or can you help me understand why you're mad? Let's go for a walk together and get some ice cream." And I only said "Why do you think that?" when she brought it up.

Moral thinking is painful for everybody but a great way to grow a marriage, especially if you're not committed to being right. Our minister told us "You can choose if you'd rather be married or right," and I think it is great advice.

My wonderful wife still doesn't want a carry permit. She's taken some handgun classes and has been to the range with me plenty of times. She shoots as much as she wants (or not at all) on her terms as she wants. She taught my little sister how to shoot--I started sis with a big, heavy .45 with the saying that "Big calibers are for little girls!" and the nice slow push of the .45 is comfier for many than the snap of a .380. Sis was shaking like a leaf and Mrs. MLH made shooting a really fun game for her. (For would-be objectors, sister still greatly prefers .45 to so-called 'lady calibers.') She also called me 'jerky boy' for a week when I was jerking the trigger on a new handgun.

Mrs. MLH loves taking me to the woodshed on sporting clays and beating me like a dog, and no longer even thinks "paranoid reactionary" when she sees me carrying around the house. She just thinks "he's different from me and I love him" and I think it right back at her flipped around.

But I didn't preach or dictate or plead: three very male approaches. I just asked questions. Same deal: when she invites me to change my mind on something, it's an invitation and a discussion. We've got two weapons where she can reach them in the house, she knows the manuals for them both (her doing, not mine) and her shots go where they're aimed.

Mrs. MLH has asked for a refresher course at an outdoor range with clean-range ammo (breastfeeding) and asked me the other day "Do you think I'd be OK with myself if I shot a deer?" and she left a browser open to Gunsite's page....present for me? Present for her? Oh, how the times do change...but I can't bring it up. Sheer torture. No chance she did it accidentally. I think she's actually training me to buy her jewelry, but we'll be married another 50 years at least--I'll figure her out eventually. Maybe. God, I love that woman.

Anyway. My two cents.

This should be on a wallet card for men:
Okay, now turn it around: SHE has every bit as much right to decide how HER children are raised and protected as YOU do. That's the way it works ... and there you are back at square one.

If a man makes odious on the subject, then on the day his wife realizes she's tired of being lectured as if she were a child, she'll find herself a more pleasant companion. And when she leaves, the man loses almost all ability to protect his children anyway, because they'll spend most of their time somewhere else, under someone else's roof, learning someone else's values.
 
I think I posted this before.

when I was married I had a gun hidden in the house for my wife if she needed it.

one night a bunch of us (her sister and brother in law, they carried 24/7) were talking about things and she said if she was ever attcked she wouldnt shoot she would just show the gun and hope that stoped them, the room got quite for a few minutes.

later that night after everyone left I locked up that gun, and explained to her it wasn't for show and I didnt want to come home and find my wife shot dead by my own gun.

I also began to think she might use it on herself (but thats a whole nother story)
 
Pax & MLH:

Okay, now turn it around: SHE has every bit as much right to decide how HER children are raised and protected as YOU do. That's the way it works ... and there you are back at square one.
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You are absoultely right. However, your solution to this is that we both silence our opinion on how to raise and protect the children, whereas I say we both have a right to advocate for our position (within reason - no badgering our brow-beating). Two martried adults should be able to have a reasonable discussion about an issue on which they disagree. If she feels strongly that there should be no guns around, let her make her case. If I feel strongly that we should be armed, I should make my case.

Now, from a strategy standpoint, I t hink you are probably right. Continuing to bring it up will only cause her to shut down further on the subject. In any case I feel better that I'm not the only one struggling with this.
 
No Deadbolt Lock is safe....There selling keys on E-bay to anyone that has the money that along with a hammer can open just about any dead bolt in seconds and it shows no signs of forced entry, Nice huh!!! If you can a Dog ,An Alarm system, and as crazy as it may seem try to get in practice of carrying a compact defensive handgun in house,let's face it we live in bad times and things are getting worse! if you have kids sit them down truly educate them about guns in the house as early as you can avoid a horrible tragedy.Make your home a safe home for the guns to be in so that when you do need them there ,there to do the intended job if need be.
 
No Deadbolt Lock is safe....There selling keys on E-bay to anyone that has the money that along with a hammer can open just about any dead bolt in seconds and it shows no signs of forced entry, Nice huh!!!
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what's worse is that all you need to adapt a regular key to a key that you are describing is a simple file and 20-30 minutes of your time..and you don't even need a hammer, just the handle of said file, or the handle of a screw driver...

video 1

video 2
 
RR,

You're right, Pax offered invaluable advice. I have another suggestion or two to add, or more support for a couple of her comments.

1. Try the splatter targets at the range. Wally World sells them, Dicks (and I'm sure other places) sell Dirty Birdies - those are really cool because the rings are different colors - lots of options. I love using splatter targets at the range. Helps me see where I'm really hitting (my progressive bifocals don't help!), and it's kinda fun to get the immediate feedback. (Not to mention, when I'm "on", it's a rush to show off a little. ;))

2. Ask your local range if they would consider special shooting days, times, contests, pricing, classes, etc for women. One of our favorite ranges has different, fun activities all the time. Valentine's Day was a CCW class for women only. They offer the "girlie colors" (I don't like em, though) for firearms, safety equipment, carry options, etc. It's fun. We've asked them to add a couples' shoot. My hubby (better half on the range :D) and I love to go shooting together. It's one of our favorite shared hobbies, and we think a couples shoot would be a blast.

3. WHEN she decides to take the next step toward CC, follow all the suggestions from the previous "what gun for my wife/girlfriend/sister/mother/fillintheblankwoman" threads - covertly guide her to all the right places where she can pick out her choice.

Good luck!
 
The dog was the best idea I read besides the obvious gun. I would love a big German Shepard but both the wife and I are allergic.
 
if she will not "carry" at home, what about this...

if she can shoot a shotgun, then she should be able to shoot a 4" barrel revolver loaded with .38 special ammo.

my mom was 78 yrs old and could shoot my smith model 19 with standard
.38s all day.

as opposed to "carrying" one, you could get a couple of blue steel used smith model 10s at a gun show and keep each loaded in areas of the house where she stays or just two good locations (maybe one in kitchen and one in living room).

These weapons can sit in a gun rug in a drawer and can be quite handy.
 
i think i posted up our story of my wifes 'interview' at crabtree mall this past holiday season...

opened her eyes a little but she just generally is not the watch dog type. granted she would tear your eyes out with her thumbs if you threatened the kids..but her own protection is something i have to continue to gently work on.

i was able to 'trade' the 5 weeks of salsa lessons i took 'for her' and hooked her up with fighting pistol at Tactical Response in TN in a few weeks...one of the frequent flyer gals there is gonna work with her and hopefully it will be a fun weekend and she will get a lot of trigger time and a great mindset speech.

ill post up an AAR on the experience after class
 
Glock 26 + Moss 500

Leaving a shot gun with her is a good idea. The best thing for a female alone at the house is to let the BGs have what they want and just get over with it but you dont know what their intention is these days.

I'd say leave a Glock 26 with Speer Dot HPs as well. Keep it somewhere it can easily come in handy.
 
RE: Lock Bumping--I spent about $100 for a Medico deadbolt. The newest generation is as close as you can get to 'bump proof'. Some claim to be able to do it, but only after having access to a high quality scan of the key first. Blank keys for this kind of lock are useless.

You talking about your wife recovering from surgery while at home reminds me of this terrifying video of a break in. The woman had no real defense and the cops took way too long to get there. She was at the guys complete mercy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jd3vWsa4ags
 
Some updates.

I've installed a quick access safe with keypad in a location that she chose.

She's faster into that safe than I am. We had a little competition.......I lost....:D.

The gun in the safe is not what I would have chosen for her, but what she chose for herself. I basically opened up the gunsafe and asked her what she'd rather have in the quick access safe. She handled and fondled the various revolvers and semi's and dryfired them. She settled on the Ruger P90 because it has the best trigger and a safety. She doesn't like the trigger on the GP100's (surprising as she'd never said that before, but oh well........P90 it is......)

She's shot it before and did well with it, but I never thought that would be what she would have chosen. Live and learn. 9 rounds of .45ACP beats 6 of .38 SPL.

I've also added some exterior lighting and we are using the masterlock door bars at night or when I'm away from home.
 
Funny from my perspective I would have chosen the P90 for the extra capacity and .45ACP oomph over the revolver shooting .38's (.357's indoors is not my cup o tea). I was too busy trying to think of it from her perspective instead of just leaving it up to her............Men.........:rolleyes:........:D.

Thanks again Pax for all the help........
 
I have had the gun talk with my wife and have had mixed results. I do not carry in the house, and I am sure that she will not. We have no children, and she knows where the guns are.

Problem is that we live in a small town/wooded area. We have had men on our property and she just struts up to them and asks them to leave. I have asked her if she took a gun and she never does. I keep telling her that she is going to regret this at some point, but she blows me off. So this is a closed subject between us.

Now, before you all tell me how to best communicate with my spouse...save your time. She has made her decision and will have to suffer the consequences if there are any to suffer. I don't like this careless attitude, but she reads the Armed Citizen every month and was once even on a jury that heard a home invasion case. Go figure.
 
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