Dear Santa,
I've been a good boy this year. I've 're-upped' with the NRA as a life member, and have also joined the GOA, JPFO and the AZ Rifle & Pistol Association. I've converted a few anti-self defense folks, and I've also helped a few friends buy firearms and learn to shoot. I've also tried to find more creative ways to cuss the media and the anti-self defense movement ...
For Christmas this year I would like for you to call a meeting of the anti-self defense movement, to be held on one of those Mickey Mouse cruise ships owned by Disney ... seems appropriate, no? I think they'll come when they realize the invitation is from you. Please invite Bill Clinton, Charlie Schumer, Dianne Feinstein, and ... well, I think you know the list. Please send them on a very, very long cruise, and ... well, I don't know want to know any of the details. Uh, think 'iceberg' ...
Also, if it isn't too much, I'd like an M1 Garand, in mint condition. Finally, (please don't mention this to anyone else) also see if you can keep those beautiful women lunching at our favorite restaurant in Scottsdale - window shopping only, but it does seem to be helping my eyesight. I assure you, this is for medicinal purposes only.
Merry Christmas, Santa. Thanks for stopping by.