I keep my XDm .45 loaded with Hornady Critical Duty 220gr +P, which is my HD gun.
I keep my XDs .45 loaded with Hornady Critical Defense 185 gr. The XDs is my EDC gun.
I chose these rounds after seeing several good reviews of both, and shooting several boxes of each with 100% reliability and excellent accuracy.
I chose the Critical Duty 220gr +P for my full size gun because the recoil isn't bad, and the extra barrel length gives this load enough velocity to expand well and not over penetrate. The Critical Duty has a harder core, and with shorter barrels, limited expansion and over penetration are a real concern.
I chose the Critical Defense 185gr loading for my XDs because the recoil is mild, and you get a good balance of expansion and penetration with a shorter barrel.
Both loads have been very accurate in both guns, and there is almost no muzzle flash, which is nice for low light SD situations.