spouse or guns?

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Karanas - I really appreciate your concerns - in this day and time you have a very valid point. Thank you for the heads up!


? - DC is a lady that I respect very much and I think her advice on the money. Please contact the two other ladies that have offered advice and help. I'm sure they can give you very sound advice.

If your in South Carolina, I have resources to help (legally) also.

Giz - my email address is available in my profile!
 
I fear giving bad advice on an issue as delicate as this one so I will give none. But I did want to wish you the best of luck no matter what choice you make.

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I would rather die on my feet, than live on my knees.
 
I'm standing with Karanas on this one.

Counciling would be the first option and certainly the strongest. I've seen bad marriages go to good because there was a deep desire to remain together and improve the relationship. It's as hard as hell to change, and each must be willing to move in a positive direction even if it's at a snail's pace. The rewards are most definately worth it.

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John/az

"The middle of the road between the extremes of good and evil, is evil. When freedom is at stake, your silence is not golden, it's yellow..." RKBA!
 
I wish I could offer something for you but I think the choice rests solely on your shoulders. It's a hard decision. I'd recommend finding your favorite spot, sitting down by yourself and just thinking. What could the possible outcome be if you stay where you are? What would happen if you left? Love is a bittersweet fairy that can bite like a dragon, but it sounds to me like you really love this man. My question would be, does he love you back or would you be better off on your own?
These questions have probably run over and over in your mind already, but make sure you think on them alone, with no other influences.
Unfortunately not only will the questions you pose on yourself be difficult and maybe even painful, the true test will come from acting on your decision.
In short I believe ultimatums never helped they only cause more problems. You already carry, you have already shown you are willing to defy him by protecting yourself and your children. Maybe all would work out if you show him you will not be controlled, but then again maybe not.
That's my two cents. Only you know what's right for you, but we are here if you need comfort in your decision.


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Gun control isnt about guns, Its about control.
 
Forget the guns for a moment. It doesn't sound like you're that far apart on the gun issue. What is scary is his insistence that he can force you to abandon your interest in ANYTHING, and his paranoia about allowing you to talk to males. Also, his insistence that you only participate in activities he defines as feminine will cause untold havoc down the road. I don't have much advice 'cause I admit I haven't been here.

Email Miss Demeanors immediately. She knows what you're talking about much better than the rest of us. Miss D, I hope this isn't out of line, I wouldn't post it if you hadn't already offered.

If you really want my advice, the man is dangerous. He will hurt you sooner or later, going by the odds. Get out. That's the best advice I can give, whether you want to follow it is more difficult. Your husband would probably say I'm whipped because I don't order my fiancee to do anything--nor could I. But we're happy.

Are you better off with him than you would be if you left?

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Don

"Its not criminals that go into schools and shoot children"
--Ann Pearston, British Gun Control apologist and moron
 
?
I dont know where you live -
Send me an e-mail so I can contact you.
I think I need to talk to your husband.
Personaly.

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"A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity." - Sigmund Freud
Hey - have you seen the new Ultimate Super Tactical Match Gun?
 
This thread sends shivers up my spine.

It scares me.

I fear for "?".

?- THIS IS NOT ABOUT GUNS. IT'S ABOUT A MAN WHO THINKS VERY LITTLE OF HIMSELF SO HE WILL DO EVERYTHING HE CAN TO BRING YOU DOWN TO HIS LEVEL OF MISERY.

?, please talk to someone about this. You need to become strong. I have seen your story many times, all with very bad results.

I know I am a mere stranger but if you come to this board, you're instantly a friend. You are in trouble. Your husband will wear you down until you do not have the strength to leave him. Guys like that are masters at guilt and manipulation. I am not saying he is "evil" by birth, but he obviously has had a troubled upbringing and he WILL pass that misery on to you and you children.

Please take the necessary steps to redirect your life to a more solid direction. Let us know how things go.

CMOS
 
?, Sounds like you are married to the epitomy of the NWO ... Control! This guy is a control freak for sure. His resistance to you owning a gun is probably because it would be a direct threat to his ability to control you.

Since marriage is supposed to be a sacred institution, I would say give marriage counseling a try. Make a reasonable effort to salvage the situation. Hey, if it does come down to a divorce, you have to look like you at least tried.

If this guy is not willing to meet you halfway, and treat you like an individual person (and not his property), then by all means: buy a gun, learn to use it properly, and then leave. I purposely suggest it in that order, because this guy doesn't sound like the kind that's going to let you go easily.

I hope you are able to resolve this situation. No one should have to live under the tyranny of a government, nor the tyranny of an inDuhvidual.

LL
 
I knew a man who married a wonderful woman with a cute 5 or 6 year old daughter. He was a terrific guy - sober, but when drunk (often) he beat her and scared the little one. Several times I saw her try to straighten him up and fail. The finale was the night she met the drunk SOB at the door with, of all things, a cast iron skillet. He was released from the hospital a few days later with a broken nose and jaw along with several other sore and aching parts. They soon divorced and she headed home to Mom. As far as I know, that was the last time she was bothered. I wish you the best of luck. We pray for you. (psst...safe shooting!)
 
When I first saw this topic I had no idea it was so serious. I agree, this is one of the most difficult posts I've ever seen on TFL.

The only thing I'll add is that I would suggest that you be very, very cautious about bringing a gun into your home until you are well trained (including retention techniques), and only you can access the gun and know where it is. This guy sounds dangerous. It may make sense to get training on the sly, and then if divorce / separation is the choice, then you leave and acquire the gun, in that order.
 
thank you for the overwhelming responses. i didn't mean for it to get into more than just guns. sure there is more to this story, but i dont feel this is the place to get into that, my concern is about a gun. i am confused as to which way to turn, do i just 'sneak' some training in and get one without him knowing, or do i wait until the timing is better. i would never use the gun on him unless it was a life or death matter, which most likely will not occur. i wanted it to protect myself when i am home alone with the children or late at night for that matter. i would also have to lock it up in a place where he could not get to it, normally i wouldn't worry about him doing anything 'stupid' but when he is on one of his rages i do worry. i am not irresponsible and would never take that chance of him getting his hands on it or even knowing where it is. i also have young children, i cant exactly teach them much because they might innocently mention it to dad. i do teach them the famous eagle eddie rules and that is about all i can teach them at this point. either way if i had a gun it has to be locked up for everyones safety. but does that do me any good then? if someone breaks in my home it will take me awhile to get to the gun, by that time it may be too late. safety for the entire family is my main concern, even for my husband. i just wish i could do all of this freely and not be blamed for something that just is not going on. i have heard the word control freak from a friend before, i guess it never occured to me thats what it is. hearing that over and over on this topic is now making me think more. i guess i just always thought for better or for worse and this is the worst, im just being tested. as for counseling, he doesnt think he has a problem, he says its me that has a problem. as for a troubled childhood, yes he had a terrible one. i guess i just feel guilty doing stuff like this behind his back i would never want to hurt him or go against his wishes, but i cant seem to understand why we have to like the same things all the time. im sure he would like shooting but he is not responsible to have a gun, and i would be in total fear if he ever had one. by letting him do that, that would make me irresponsible knowing he could be capable of doing something irrational. i do feel sorry for him he has a problem deep inside that i just cant fix for him, i did try many times. but now i am miserable because i can not do the things i enjoy without having to worry what his reaction is going to be. i apologize for the length of this thread, i apologize for the 'ultimate anonomous name', i am already embarrassed as it is and that is why i chose to do it this way. i also appreciate all the offers for me to email some of you, but i dont want to drag this on , i have probably already said too much. thank you though for your concern, i appreciate that more than you could ever know.
 
?, I'm surprised someone else didn't beat me to it but I would seriously suggest at this time that you do not get a gun.

Your present domestic situation lends itself to actually increase your risk of injury or death if you do have gun. If your husband finds the gun, and he probably will, you could be in serious trouble.

Having a gun in the house is a serious responsibility and comittment. Having to hide the fact from your spouse, who is prone to "outbursts", drastically complicates the situation.

I don't know if any others will agree with me or not but unless you are willing to change your domestic situation, I suggest you DO NOT get a gun for the house.

CMOS

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GOA, TSRA, LEAA, NRA, SAF and I vote!
 
Get some professional guidance. Go to a qualified counselor who will listen to your entire story, examine your entire situation, and then give you some realistic option that can work for you in your individual circumstances.

But, please, do it soon.
 
CMOS, I completely agree. Look at it dispassionately:

1. You will NOT keep the gun secret. And the longer you keep it secret before he finds out, the angrier he'll get when he does.

2. You already know he doesn't trust you around men. He also doesn't trust you to hold an interest he doesn't. His distrust will be more intense and fear will be added when it comes to you with a weapon. That will make him dangerous.

3. If you don't trust him to act rationally with a gun, you can't put one in his house. You seem already to have worked this out.

4. If you don't trust him with a gun, you must get away from him for your own safety. Forget all the Green Beret propaganda--most people can kill with their bare hands. He DOES NOT NEED THE GUN to be dangerous and you've got to trust your instincts.

I'm sure all this is much harder than I know but there's my advice. The gun is a BAD idea for now.

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Don

"Its not criminals that go into schools and shoot children"
--Ann Pearston, British Gun Control apologist and moron
 
First off no apologies are called for as you have every right to express your feelings freely- this is America in the 21st(almost) century. While I never speak for someone else there are always exceptions and I believe we all here care about you. I am a practicing psychotherapist and work with abused women. I am very concerned for you and your children.I think you desire for safety from outside dangers is really an unconscious cry for help, as is your posting, against the most immediate danger ( both emotional and physical) namely your husband. You don't say how long you are married but from my experience unless your husband wants help and acknowledges that he has a major problem the situation will only get worse. You are denying yourself and your children one of life's greatest gifts, that being an open, trusting, and loving relationships. This is a relationship, as it stands, of need not love.
I do not think it is wise to have a gun in the home with someone who is so unstable. Your major danger to your family's safety is currently your husband and it is a concern you do not fully see this.
My advice is to have a safety plan as to where to go if you decide to leave. This is a place where your husband cannot find you. Most women who are abused do not leave their abuser because of finanical reasons and/or they have an early history of some type of abuse and unconsciously feel they deserve being treated in this inexcuseable manner.
If this continues your children will most likely later in life find similar dysfunctional relationships. Relationships without warmth, closeness, trust and love. A lonely painful life. Your marriage more than likely will not last. Why waste valuable life and the happiness of you and your children.
Find a therapist not a gun dealer. You and your children deserve a lot more. Stay in touch with us- we all do care.
Again, your posting was a healthy cry for help. Listen to your feelings - for yourself and your children.
 
Karana
In response to your post - is not the underlying reason this forum came about is because there are people in this free country who think other people do not have the right to express their ideas, beliefs and feelings? I will always say and stand up for what I believe. Do you need to be reminded that is why many decent people died- to defend that right. I will not disrespect them or myself. If it comes to paying a heavy price I will pay it. I think your intentions are good but out of line
 
?, I have to add my two cents that you not bring a gun to the house.

If for some reason you are going to be there for a while (my wife would be GONE, lemme tell ya!) You might consider getting training at a range or some such, and possibly keep a weapon you obtain there while you learn. I don't know that would be possible where you are, but it doesn't cost anything to check. But really, don't take one home.
 
While the subject is well-covered, I am compelled to give my two cents worth on the subject.

It is quite apparent that your "problems" runs much deeper than just the issue of owning guns. For starters, I sense a real communication problem. Contrary to what.. some forumites might say ;), that is a far more seriously issue than whether or not to own guns. First, work out the more serious issues. THEN, you can work out the firearm issue.
 
I agree with Karanas. Advice is usually worth exactly what you pay for it (although I have received invaluable advice here on gun related issues). You need professional face-to-face help.

All the apparently good advice you have thus far received is from good people concerned about you. It should not, however, take the place of a qualified professional counselor.


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RKBA!

The people have the right to bear arms for their defense and security -Ohio Constitution, Article I, Section 4

Ohio does not allow concealed carry.
http://www.ofcc.net
 
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