i have recently gotten involved in firearms and firearm safety. what i really want is to own a gun for protection and of course to practice with at a local range. i have told my husband in the past that i would like to learn how to use a gun properly then i would like to buy one. my husband flipped out. he doesnt want me near guns. when i asked him why not he gave me two reasons, one that women have no place with guns especially his wife, and two this is a mans sport which would mean i would have to talk to males and see males. he doesnt want me to talk to males unless he knows them. he is not against guns, he always said he wants one although he has no training what so ever. in the few years that we have been married i have never given him reason not to trust me. i speak with male friends all the time on the web but that is all i consider them just friends. i want to be able to make my own choices but he feels he needs the upper hand in everything. i dont have many friends and the ones i do have are not into guns and show no desire to learn about them. i met a few friends through the web that are into guns but they are male. they are at our local range often and have invited me to come along many times but there is no way i could even attempt to ask him if i could go. he wont go with and he wont let me go. he has found some magazines and such that relate to guns around the house and was very furious about that. he also has a bad temper. i really want to be more involved but he is stopping me from doing something i like so much. seeing that this is a gun forum i thought this might be a good place to find some answers. i dont know if i should continue on secretly i hate to lie but this is something i really want to do. he is not home all day and i am home with children. i have nothing to defend myself or my children with should something ever happen. im afraid to tell him how involved i really am , his temper causes him to act irrational and he threatens to hit me. i know i should not stay with this man as im sure some are going to say but its not so easy to just get out like that. what can i say to him to help him understand this is what i like and this is what i want to be more involved in? i dont care that i have to associate with males i consider them friends as i do females. i guess my question is should i stay with him and drop this intrest to make him happy or should i give him a choice either let me continue to do what i am doing or leave? the second choice scares me half to death, im afraid he is not going to like that and do something drastic. does any other wife here have this same problem or do any of the males here know of other women in this situation? i guess im just confused and scared and not sure which way to go. any suggestions? thankyou.
spouse or guns?
- Thread starter ?
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Dump him like a hot potato. I wouldn't have a man like that as an aquaintance much less a husband. It will only get worse, too.
My father encouraged me in anything I wanted to do and stressed that I was a free human, not anyone's property or to ever suborn myself to anyone or anything. This from a 1st generation American of pure Sicilian extraction.
You are an adult free American...buy your gun, but don't let that clown near it. Then leave him and don't look back.
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"Quis custodiet ipsos custodes" RKBA!
My father encouraged me in anything I wanted to do and stressed that I was a free human, not anyone's property or to ever suborn myself to anyone or anything. This from a 1st generation American of pure Sicilian extraction.
You are an adult free American...buy your gun, but don't let that clown near it. Then leave him and don't look back.
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"Quis custodiet ipsos custodes" RKBA!
when i asked him why not he gave me two reasons, one that women have no place with guns especially his wife, and two this is a mans sport which would mean i would have to talk to males and see males.
Um, how thick are the calluses on this guy's knuckles? I'm guessing they're pretty hefty, after all that dragging on the ground.
Of all the gun guys I know (literally hundreds), there's only one who doesn't want his SO to know how to shoot. Too bad I taught her how.
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"The evils of tyranny are rarely seen but by him who resists it."
-- John Hay, 1872
Um, how thick are the calluses on this guy's knuckles? I'm guessing they're pretty hefty, after all that dragging on the ground.
Of all the gun guys I know (literally hundreds), there's only one who doesn't want his SO to know how to shoot. Too bad I taught her how.
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"The evils of tyranny are rarely seen but by him who resists it."
-- John Hay, 1872
I'm certainly not a psychologist, but it sounds to me that the problems you are experiencing in your relationship with your husband are deeper than a conflict of interests relating to guns.
I won't even go into all the issues like trust and honesty because, like I said, I'm not a psychologist. However, the most important issue overall is your safety. Domestic abuse is serious. If you're scared, which it seems that you are, you need to get help. You mention that he threatens to hit you. My guess is that he already has. GET HELP! There is probably a local abuse hotline or women's support organization in your area. Find out and call them.
Sincerely,
AKrob
I won't even go into all the issues like trust and honesty because, like I said, I'm not a psychologist. However, the most important issue overall is your safety. Domestic abuse is serious. If you're scared, which it seems that you are, you need to get help. You mention that he threatens to hit you. My guess is that he already has. GET HELP! There is probably a local abuse hotline or women's support organization in your area. Find out and call them.
Sincerely,
AKrob
I think the reason he doesn't want you to have a gun is rather obvious. He doesn't want you to be able to defend yourself or your children, and I think he knows you will probably have to defend yourself from HIM!
I know it may be hard to do, but you need to separate yourself from him, and a possible situation where you or your kids may get hurt. Get the gun, and get on with a life you can enjoy living.
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Happiness is a tight group!
I know it may be hard to do, but you need to separate yourself from him, and a possible situation where you or your kids may get hurt. Get the gun, and get on with a life you can enjoy living.
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Happiness is a tight group!
Miss Demeanors
New member
?,
email me slss3@netscape.net
Sandy
email me slss3@netscape.net
Sandy
What a tough situation you are in. I guess I am blessed to have a husband that encourages my gunownership, and even taught me how to shoot. As a mother who stays at home w/ 2 innocent children, I know exactly where you're coming from. We live in a crime-ridden neighborhood. I keep 2 handguns near me in the house, and also carry them both when I am out of the house (legally of course).
Your husband sounds as if he is a very controlling individual. I have been with men like that myself, one in particular who did beat me. I got out of that situation. You and your children deserve better. From what you've said, even if you tried to talk to him about your interest in your personal safety, he wouldn't listen. If you do decide to leave him, you can make it on your own. I was a single mother for 5 years. It was hard, but we made it!
I won't tell you to dump the guy, because I personally deplore divorce and how it effects children/family. But remember that your children's safety and yours is paramount. If he hasn't hit you yet: HE WILL!
If you wish to talk further, feel free to email me privately. I've had my share of experience w/ that type of man and know where you're coming from!
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"Liberty or death, What we so proudly hail... Once you provoke Her, rattling of Her tail- Never begins it, NEVER- But once engaged never surrenders, showing the fangs of rage. DON'T TREAD ON ME!!
Your husband sounds as if he is a very controlling individual. I have been with men like that myself, one in particular who did beat me. I got out of that situation. You and your children deserve better. From what you've said, even if you tried to talk to him about your interest in your personal safety, he wouldn't listen. If you do decide to leave him, you can make it on your own. I was a single mother for 5 years. It was hard, but we made it!
I won't tell you to dump the guy, because I personally deplore divorce and how it effects children/family. But remember that your children's safety and yours is paramount. If he hasn't hit you yet: HE WILL!
If you wish to talk further, feel free to email me privately. I've had my share of experience w/ that type of man and know where you're coming from!
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"Liberty or death, What we so proudly hail... Once you provoke Her, rattling of Her tail- Never begins it, NEVER- But once engaged never surrenders, showing the fangs of rage. DON'T TREAD ON ME!!
If you separate, make it legal! And be sure to have permission to leave the state of your current residence and to take your children with you.
America is not a slave state.
Skip the well-intentioned advice of family members. Get professional help and be prepared for him to go nutso when you leave him.
America is not a slave state.
Skip the well-intentioned advice of family members. Get professional help and be prepared for him to go nutso when you leave him.
Listen to DC!
You, and your kids, are in a bad situation. This man has no respect for you, and as long as you put up with it, you and your husband are setting a horrible example for your kids. Fixing a bad situation takes courage, and in my experience, the scariest way out is usually the best (that's usually what is so scary about it). Your RIGHT to defend yourself, your children, and to feel safe in your own home are all being severely violated by this SOB, but you are the only one who can fix it. It will take courage, but the best paths in life always do.
You, and your kids, are in a bad situation. This man has no respect for you, and as long as you put up with it, you and your husband are setting a horrible example for your kids. Fixing a bad situation takes courage, and in my experience, the scariest way out is usually the best (that's usually what is so scary about it). Your RIGHT to defend yourself, your children, and to feel safe in your own home are all being severely violated by this SOB, but you are the only one who can fix it. It will take courage, but the best paths in life always do.
Everyone has pretty much covered the bases,,,if you are still not sure, make an appt with an counselor and go in and talk the situation over first by yourself if you feel safer........safety yours and the childrens is paramount and neither you nor the children have to suffer emoitional or physcial abuse.....fubsy.
I apologize if it seems I spoke too quickly.
I tend to distill things down to basics and skip the frills when I see a back/white situation.
1) He intimidates you and uses threats of violence
2)He censors your reading material
3) He seeks to keep you away from 1/2 the population
4) He is a horrible example and influence on your kids. Your sons will become brutes and misogynists; your daughters will be slaves and feel worthless....the cycle will continue through their lives and your grandchildren's lives.
There is no choice...leave
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"Quis custodiet ipsos custodes" RKBA!
I tend to distill things down to basics and skip the frills when I see a back/white situation.
1) He intimidates you and uses threats of violence
2)He censors your reading material
3) He seeks to keep you away from 1/2 the population
4) He is a horrible example and influence on your kids. Your sons will become brutes and misogynists; your daughters will be slaves and feel worthless....the cycle will continue through their lives and your grandchildren's lives.
There is no choice...leave
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"Quis custodiet ipsos custodes" RKBA!
Libertarian
New member
He sounds like the Arab husband of a friend of my wife's. She is not allowed to come visit my wife at home because I may be home and she is not allowed to be in the house of a strange man.
I am sorry for your situation. If you have any regard for yourself (self love, self esteem, survival instinct) you will either force him to change his ways or leave him. Please be careful.
I am sorry for your situation. If you have any regard for yourself (self love, self esteem, survival instinct) you will either force him to change his ways or leave him. Please be careful.
The real reason for owning a gun is to take control of your life. When armed, you are taking responsibility for your own safety, not giving away that responsibility to someone else. It really is a way to impower yourself. Gun owners are some of the most self-reliant people you could ever meet. It sounds as if you are not very self-reliant right now. Are you ready to take such a large step in your life? I hope so!
I strongly urge you to call up your local HRS office and ask to be refered to a counselor. If money is an issue, they should be able to help.
Gino
PS Real men do not threaten their wives.
I strongly urge you to call up your local HRS office and ask to be refered to a counselor. If money is an issue, they should be able to help.
Gino
PS Real men do not threaten their wives.
?,
Your post is one of the most difficult situations I've seen on this forum.
My sympathy and prayers go out to you.
While I and the other members wish to help you, I think that we all need to be careful about what kind of advice we give you, and how you choose to use it.
Your circumstances, as you describe them, seem to be potentially dangerous. I am concerned not only by what you are telling us, but what we can read between the lines and most importantly, by what you may not be telling us.
You need to seek professional, direct, face to face counseling with someone who is in a position to legally help you.
To my fellow members here at TFL:
While it's only natural for us to want to assist someone in trouble, I feel that we could be getting into an area where some of us may unwittingly incur some liability depending on future developments in this situation.
While I can understand the desire for ? to maintain her anonymity, I personally do not feel that it's a good idea to give advice of this nature under these circumstances.
Your post is one of the most difficult situations I've seen on this forum.
My sympathy and prayers go out to you.
While I and the other members wish to help you, I think that we all need to be careful about what kind of advice we give you, and how you choose to use it.
Your circumstances, as you describe them, seem to be potentially dangerous. I am concerned not only by what you are telling us, but what we can read between the lines and most importantly, by what you may not be telling us.
You need to seek professional, direct, face to face counseling with someone who is in a position to legally help you.
To my fellow members here at TFL:
While it's only natural for us to want to assist someone in trouble, I feel that we could be getting into an area where some of us may unwittingly incur some liability depending on future developments in this situation.
While I can understand the desire for ? to maintain her anonymity, I personally do not feel that it's a good idea to give advice of this nature under these circumstances.
Dear ?,
If you decide that you are going to leave your husband, a plan is essential. Please have your children in a safe location where your husband can not reach them. Risking your own health and safety is a decision for you to make, but your children need to be protected if something should happen to you.
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jones
If you decide that you are going to leave your husband, a plan is essential. Please have your children in a safe location where your husband can not reach them. Risking your own health and safety is a decision for you to make, but your children need to be protected if something should happen to you.
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jones
I really don't like to give advice on this kind of situation, but this guy sounds like a control freak loser, I'd follow all the advice up above. You have to do what you think is best for you and your children and stay out of harms way.
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gun control is people control
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gun control is people control
Leave now! You are making an attempt to defend yourself, he will notice.
Get your children with you and leave. Do it when he is at work. Call your church, call the police and ask for someone in or about domestic abuse. You are or will be abused and the same goes for your children.
Get out! It is better to be wrong now in this instance than sorry later.
Johnboy
Get your children with you and leave. Do it when he is at work. Call your church, call the police and ask for someone in or about domestic abuse. You are or will be abused and the same goes for your children.
Get out! It is better to be wrong now in this instance than sorry later.
Johnboy