Regarding the XDs, I've had a limited amount of trigger time on both the XDs in 9mm and the XDs in .45 ACP. Both are doable, but I prefer the 9mm for lower recoil and greater round count. I was actually fairly surprised with the XDs in .45 ACP; it was worse to shoot an LCP in .380 than it.
I really don't understand why the OP is having a problem. If his wife doesn't like either gun, then switching guns to another gun she doesn't like isn't going to be a solution.
For me, if I spent the money on the holsters and extra mags, that would pretty much lock me into the G19. I say this as a happy XD (not the "M" variety, but the original one) owner. Would I be happier with an XDm? Maybe in the 5.25 variety, I would, but I have extra mags, holsters, and barrels for my XD: I'm just in too deep. Though we all have our preferences with the plastic framed service guns, they are all pretty much about as good. You make like X, Y, or Z about Glocks or XD's but they will both work about as well.
As far as grip safeties are concerned... I've never had an issue or even seen a shooter who has had an issue with my XD. Sure, I've heard the arguments and they make sense on an theoretical basis, but with the 10,000's of rounds through the gun, nobody has ever caused such a failure or had an issue of not engaging the safety.
Someday I want a more precise gun than my XD, and I seem to do good work with CZ's and that CZ Custom shop does some nice looking work.