Parents and Guns (my mom found out)

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It's like my sister-in-law saying "I won't come to the wedding if so-and-so" comes. Gee, that's too bad, we'll miss ya.

As retireds, we hear from others "If you don't (fill in the blanks) you can't see the grandkids". Emotional blackmail will be with you forever if you let it. It's up to you.

All the RKBA rhetoric is fine, but it comes down to who runs your life. If you give in this time, next time it will be your girl, type of work, where you work, where you live, ad nauseum.

You sound like you have your act together,
so my .02 is to stay with your original decision. If they say "Don't come for Thanksgiving, DON'T". It's called tough love.
 
I'll go along w/ the don't lie crowd. You're 21, a man, you must make the decsion wether or not to keep/get a firearm. Like others have said, you can try to sway them into seeing the logic of getting one, but if that don't work, then I'd just have to Thanksgiving at Shoney's or w/ some friends. My family ain't crazy about a lot of stuff I do/did, and I'm 41, but they were my choices & I paid the consequences if there were any.
It's up to you, it's your life. FWIW..YMMV

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RKBA
www.southernparty.org
 
Muscles, I have to agree with DC here. Tell them the truth and get that gun. It boils down to a very simple question: Who makes the chioces in your life - you or your family.

I fear that if you "cave" to this you will regret it for the rest of your life. Hang tough and stick to your decison no matter what your family says.

CMOS

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Join GOA, NRA, LEAA and vote.
 
My folks aren't gun people either. I chose to be discreet about it. I finally told them because I want them to know who I am and what I value before I lose them. It was a small emotional battle at first. "There will never be a gun in my house." said Mom. I responed that should she ever need the police in her home the armed variety would arrive, but that she was perfectly welcome to visit me in my own home where a gun will always be. Eventually, I was invited over "unconditionally". As time has gone by they even mention shooting sometimes because they are genuinely interested in me. Also, if someone had drilled it into my head when I was your age not to drop any heavy announcements anywhere close to the holidays it would have saved me a world of grief. :) Lastly, I asked for my first motorcycle at 15. Mom said, "Sure, when you are 30!" 15 years later I wheeled into her drive on the first one.
 
Welcome to the wonderful world of irrational responses to firearms! Col. Jeff Cooper (if you're new to firearms, I suggest you read every word the man has ever set to print) calls it "Hoplophobia."

Cannot be explained or controlled. Hard to deal with at first, but you learn to live with it.

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"Put a rifle in the hands of a Subject, and he immediately becomes a Citizen." -- Jeff Cooper
 
Wow I'm glad I never had to explain it to Mom.. I grew up around shooting and hunting (mom and dad are from W.Va) and every time we went camping we shot the 22's. Dad bought me my first 22 rifle to help me improve a wandering eye condition called chronic nystasis. Shooting helped a lot, shooting moving targets helped even better. I'd always shoot dad's 22 target pistol so it was no real shock when i started buying my Own guns.

Funny thing is when I started buying DAD started buying again so we have a lot of cool stuff. We do three big game hunts and one long fishing trip together every year and its been a hobby we share and can discuss.

Mom's rifle is a browning takedown 22 auto (which we are apparently NEVER going to be able to inherit it must go to a daughter in law hahaha) and there can be as many guns in her house as we want... AS LONG AS we keep bringing home deer elk and antelope and the occasional fish. (I'm a horrible fisherman) ;)

However I've also had some anti-gun girlfriends (one whose father gave me a VERY nice graduation gift of his korean war colt commander that she didn't even KNOW was in the house) and a few girls who grew up around them too. Guns TEND to be "guy stuff" like talking the advantages of supercharging over turbocharging. There are plenty of women who own guns.. but there are far fewer "enthusiasts/hobbyists" among women. Bottom line is Mom/girlfriend/sis might never understand. (my mom STILL Cringes about my motorcycle and I'm in my 30's)

You want to get invited back into the fold?? Take dad shooting. Share the sport MINIMIZE references to "defense" "lethality" "stopping power" etc from your conversations. Talk about the zen like qualities of sport shooting and enjoy yourself.

Hell i still remember when mom flipped out over my earring and ever changing hair color (ziggy red, blonde streaked midnight blue/black)and threats of getting a mowhawk as a teen. (no flames for being a skate board punk rocker as a teen ok??) She got OVER all of them. Now she complains that I ride my cycle... or I that I "burn the candle at both ends" and run around with the wrong kind of girl. Moms worry.. that's thier job. Assuage her fears and tell her you keep it locked up and she'll find something ELSE to nag you about. Trust me.. you will also get asked about your drinking and sexual habits now that you are 21. Lie about these as needed ;)

Bottom line is you are young, be your own man, be patient they WILL get over it.

go fast take chances,

Dr.Rob

btw my scooter of choice is a 1981 yamaha seca 550 jetted piped and geared with no fairing and clubsman bars and sticky dunlop k591 sp elites front and rear. She's no superbike or two wheeled italian sex fantasy but sho goes fast in the turns and she stands on her tail when you romp on her and you'll scrape your knees every ride if you want. ;)
 
MM, how lives can be so different. I bought my son his first handgun, a Ruger MkII bull barrel, when he was 12 and another for his 16th birthday. My son turned 21 last March and I got him a pistol, his concealed carry classes, and CHL for his birthday. He has a Browning HP coming for Christmas that he doesn't know about so keep that a secret. Sounds like Calif. must be a foreign land, you have to wait 4 weeks for a gun? As far as telling your parents your gay, you live in Calif. they would probably think that was great! I did want to say that I think you should consider a change in how you live. I am twice your age and have not had a pistol pulled on me, let alone three times. Now if you were an LEO I could understand, but you need to practice avoiding getting into those situations. I am sorry they feel that way about Thanksgiving, but you are welcome at my place, though I am in Texas. I have some friends in Calif. that might be willing to invite you over, if you like I can ask.
 
OK, as a parent of almost grown kids( the oldest turns twenty next week) here's my view.
Parents have a tough time letting go. Its normal. Its also normal for you to grow up and lead your own life. My older one has made some choices that I have totally disagreed with. I have tried to talk to him, but in the end its HIS choice. I don't nessecarily like it, but i accept it. All I can do is be there to help him pick up the pieces when it blows up in his face.
In your situation I suggest honesty. Go to your parents and say "Mom, Dad, I've always listened and respected your opinion. But in this case we disagree. I'm grown now and have to make my own life. I've decided to buy the gun. I think its the right thing to do. I'm sorry if you disagree but, its my choice, not yours. If you don't want me around because you don't agree with me, then that's it. I won't bother you anymore. Good bye."
If your parents really care about you, they will accept your decission and life goes on. If not, well its time to move on with your life.
Be honest, be sincere and stand your ground. True love is totally unconditional.
 
You did not say, but do you live with your parents? If you do, it is time to move out. If you do not, it's none of their business. One thing nobody suggested, buy a .22 rifle or pistol and take them to the range. You can not convince some people with words, only action will do it.

And a darn good first choice! Look to see if there are any clubs in your area that host IDPA matches. Go and enter. They are fun and you will learn alot. Check out www.idpa.com to find out if any are close by.

By the way, when are you going to get that evil AR? :)
 
Anyone who thinks that lying is a bad option has either a) a parent with a bad memory or b) is a liar ;), and why do we have so many religious maniacs in this country, everyone can't be from Alabama can they ?

You obviously think your parents are worth the effort (some, such as my wife's mother simply are not). So a couple of pointers, firstly shoot your big mouth sister, sorry just kidding. You mentioned your love of shooting BB's in your early years, if this was done with their approval, play on it, and state that your love of shooting (NOT guns) began there i.e. partly their responsibility. Then stress that you have purchased a low powered target pistol and have joined a club that has a lot of older male and younger female (prospective brides) members, and that this has improved your opposite sex social life no end, picnics, walks in the park, suggestions about new drapes etc etc. Identify the gun as a means to an end, not the end in itself.

The above may not be the deepest philosophy, but it may just give you a third way, somewhere in between "It's my life go to hell", and "Yes mommy"
Good luck.

Regards,

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Mike H
 
Im probably one of the youngest members here, but I must share my experience. I live in Kalifornia, and as we all know, I have SB 23 to deal with. My family (mom, dad, brother) is not into guns and RKBA any where near as much as me. In fact, they flat out dont like them. And I still live at home. Thats the background.

Heres the story.
Around March of this year, I started to really get into guns and RKBA. I was always into both, but not as much as now. Anyway, I came across AR15.com and read the whole site and the discussion forums for a couple months. Then, when I fully learned about SB-23, I said thats it, Im getting an AR-15. I told my brother about it right then. I told my mom and dad a little later. Needless to say, they were pissed. "Why do you need a gun?" "are you crazy?" "put your mind on other things" blah blah blah... So I explained to them why I WANT it, and that I would buy it. Since I still live at home, I couldnt just buy and keep it here if my parents didnt let (its THEIR house). So I finally got their permission and got the gun. Yup, it was the proudest day of my life when I finally put the recievers together.

With all that said, I must say that they still dont like guns, and especially me owning an AR-15. But, they tolerate it now. I took my dad to the range last week, and he had a good time (though he wont admit to it).

My advice is this:

If youre still living at home, then you need their permission to keep it there. NOT TO BUY IT. I say get the damn gun. Its your life. And if your family is threatening you the way they are, then they have the problems, not you (no offense). Be a man and take a stand. I did, and you dont know how happy I am. Good luck, I wish you well.

I forgot to add this:
You mentioned that they threatened to call your boss, tell friends, call the cops... SO WHAT?? You cant be fired for buying a gun, if you are, take the bastard to court. Your friends knowing?? EVEN BETTER!! I told my friends, they said I was crazy, took them shooting, and they loved it. Call the cops? WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY GONNA DO?? You did everything legally, what do you have to worry about? These threats just show their ignorance about guns and the laws that control them. AGAIN, I MEAN NO OFFENSE WITH THAT, JUST POINTING OUT A FACT.

Sorry for the edit, but I had to add that last paragraph.

[This message has been edited by BigPig (edited November 17, 1999).]
 
I agree with most of the posts here. An additional argument for honesty: I too have a younger sister and believe me, lying is not an option. You CANNOT keep ANYTHING secret once your sibling finds out about it, especially if they're concerned about you're well-being no matter how misguided.
Besides, if you write off your parents you're not just lying to them but agreeing to help keep them unaware and defenseless.

Finally, Jeff is right--your gun-buying instincts are good but you could stand to polish your situational awareness. People will call you paranoid but it'll keep you out of those kinds of situations many times. For the times when it can't, you have your gun, but if you keep going the way you are you'll be forced to use it in a situation that could have been prevented.

Please note that I am NOT an expert, just throwing my opinion out there. I'm also 21, at college, and I'm trying to figure out how to tell my parents that I bought a Ruger .22--they seem to think I need a Browning Buckmark . . .
:)

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Don

"Its not criminals that go into schools and shoot children"
--Ann Pearston, British Gun Control apologist and moron
 
I married into a family that thought they 'owned' their daughter and were naturally going to 'own' me and my kids. I had never run into that in my own experience so it took a while for me to really understand that they thought they had the right to run other people's lives (wierd). The only thing they accomplished was to alienate my wife and kids and stay lonesome. NOBODY, especially a parent, has the right to manipulate people. My kids are now 19 and 21, and even I have to recognize that I do not 'own' them either. BTW, when I 'had' to have a 1911 Colt at age 17 or so, my mother came out and shot it with us--in the pre-ear protection days. She wasn't a perfect person, but she impressed me that day.

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Since your family feels so strongly about your owning guns, simply tell them that you've reconsidered your position and got rid of the gun. Then never speak about it again with them. It will let your family rest easy and get them off of your back.

Sure lying is not good but it sure will make everyone feel better. Anyone who says differently has either never had to deal with control freak parents or has forgotten what it is like to be under their thumbs.
 
Ask your parents if they are really willing to live without you because you have made an adult decision to be responsible for your own defense?

Their answer will say it all.

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Better days to be,

Ed
 
Wow. You know, this thread hits close to home for me. My parents probably suspect, but still don't know that I have any interest in firearms at all. Both my parents are utterly scared of guns. I'm not sure what would happen if they found out.

Well, whatever it is, I am certainly neither afraid nor ashamed of owning firearms. And I would tell my parents that. Owning firearms doesn't make me any less of a person or any more dangerous than without.

I don't recommend to simply ignore this. I'd grab them and sit them down for a serious talk. But one thing is for sure. I will not give up my guns. There is no reason why I should let someone else's irrational fears dictate my actions, even if it is my own parents. If we hit an impasse, well, I suppose we will have to go our separate ways. That is all. Best of luck.
 
My father is so against guns that it has destroyed our relationship - and he doesn't even know that I own any!!!


Too bad for him I guess - he lost the friendship of a great son - IMHO :)

On a serious note though - It saddens me but what can I do? Nothing. He will just have to deal with it. Besides I have a hard time dealing with someone who has not a whit of respect for my opinions or beliefs.
 
Cassidy, we call people like that 'bigots' - gun bigots, in this case. They are intolerant of our philosophy of self defense.

And bruels, I nominate you for a TFL award recognizing the most succinct and best advice this month on TFL. We need politicians like you. ;)
 
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