Parents and Guns (my mom found out)

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MusclesMcGee

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OK, so I just turned 21, and purchased my first handgun, a Kimber Custom Target. Why did I get it ? Hmm, a year ago a handgun would've been the last thing on my mind, owning one would have been out of the question. Since moving to the "big city", I've had a gun pulled on me three times, and had my car broken into twice. Needless, to say, I needed some peace of mind, and started to consider gun ownership. Well, after 6 months of "considering", a friend of mine took me to the range. We shot a variety of pistols, I was instantly hooked. Don't get me wrong, I'm not Deniro in "Taxi Driver", you won't catch me dry firing in front of the mirror with two .44's. It just brought back memories of shooting BB guns in the back yard, the focus, the conentration, I found it to be quite a challenge and very
satisfying. My attitude about my gun purchase changed, I took some safety classes, and rather than looking at something concealable, I took a reasonable approach and decided to look for a high quality target grade pistol that would be, dare I say, "fun" to shoot at the range. Well, in four weeks I should be able to register my Kimber, here's the problem....

Somehow (my sister) my Mom and Dad found out I bought the gun, They've flipped. My mom is seriously considering writing me out of her will, no joke. Both my parents called me crying saying I was putting myself in a situation where I'll end up killing myself or someone else. WEll....I'm a responsible adult, I took the purchase very seriously, I support myself, and I bought the gun with my own money. WHAT THE HELL SHOULD I DO ?????

They've threatened to call my employer, my relatives, my friends, the police, raise Jesus Christ from the dead, just to get me to not go through with my purchase. At this point I have been uninvited to attend Thanksgiving. Is it worth it ? Is owning a gun worth ostracizing myself from family and friends ? I would appreciate any of your comments, especially if you have been in a similar situation.

I guess now is not the time to let them know I got a motorcycle....( just kidding :) )
 
Mate, if they're prepared to go to those lengths of emotional blackmail to prevent you owning a gun --- well, I'm sorry, but I'd be questioning their rationality, sanity and level-headedness, not my own.

(And I do have a motorbike ;))

B
 
I notice you're in CA ... why don't you also tell them you're gay, and you've decided to vote for Pat Buchanan? ;)

All kidding aside, you write in a manner that indicates you've thought this through, although I'll take issue with a couple of points. I realize CA creates a difficult situation for you, but there is nothing wrong with buying a concealable handgun. Your point is self defense, right? [Consider buying Korwin's book on CA gun laws - http://www.gunlaws.com ]

Also buy a book called 'The Best Defense' by Robert Waters - he posts on TFL ('bestdefense357', as I recall), and his articles are now in most NRA Guardian mag's. And, consider getting 'More Guns, Less Crime' by Dr. John Lott. Give copies to your mom and dad, and perhaps your sister. Tell them you appreciate their concern, and you've spent a great deal of time considering the issue. Tell them you 'need their help', and ask them to read these books with an open mind. They'll say 'no', they 'don't have time', they 'already know the facts' - tell them you want them to read these books so they can help you understand their perspective. ;) Tell them about your recent experiences regarding crime. And, take as much training as you can afford.

Continue visiting TFL, and learn as much as you can to intelligently discuss this issue with your family. This a very emotional topic for many people, especially those who have a gutteral reaction of being anti-self defense. Their responses are based upon ignorance, plus a genuine concern for your safety.

But, know this. You are responsible for your own body, and someday your own family. The police cannot guard you 24 / 7, and don't even have a legal obligation to protect your life. You and you alone have that primary responsibility. And, with the right training, and the right 'safety rescue equipment', you can create a reasonable defense for you and yours.

When I began seriously looking at the issue of the RKBA it was about one year ago. I was quite private about my new interest in firearms, and my concerns about the RKBA. I didn't want to rock the boat with anyone. I've changed my tune. We all need to rock the boat on this issue. We owe it to ourselves, our families and our country to force honest debate about this issue.

Your family has bought into the BS. You now have an opportunity to help them understand reality. If we're going to retain this right, and uphold this ancient philosophy of self defense, then conversations like yours, and hopefully 'conversions', will need to take place all across this land. Good luck. TFLer's will be encouraging you.

Regards from AZ
 
Muscles,
Bruce hit the nail on the head. I couldn't have said it better. However, this should teach you another *very* important lesson as an independent adult. That being that your business is *your* business. Don't share it with the family, as they have exerted influence over you for practically all of your life, and will tend to continue in that habit if you invite them to do so. But they are family and you only get one. Sell the gun if it makes them & you happy. Show them the sales receipt so they'll breathe easier. Then, buy the gun back immediately thereafter, having learned a new lesson in life - keep your business to yourself!! This is sound advice for any son or daughter that is just becoming truely independent, or even moving in that direction. Remember old habits are hard to break, and being pedantic is the hardest one for most parents.

[This message has been edited by Mykl (edited November 17, 1999).]
 
First, welcome to TFL. If you're looking for good advice, this is a good place to go.

Wow. That's quite a kettle of fish over a firearm. I come from a family of gun enthusiasts, so I'm probably not the best person here to give you advice on this. There are probably some people here who have been in a similar situation and might have better advice. The only thing I can think of is to try to explain that you're still the same person whether you're a gun owner or not. When it comes down to it, you've decided to own a piece of steel, not join a cult or get hooked on heroin. It makes you no more likely to kill yourself or become a homicidal maniac - that's determined by what's in head, not what's in your hand.

Ultimately, the decision is entirely yours. You're going to have to weigh the factors involved, and decide what's best for you. Personally, I think your relatives are being irrational - but irrationality is a hard thing to deal with, especially from a close family member.

Have you considered telling them you changed your mind, then picking up your Kimber anyway? That's the plan for my motorcycle... :)

Good Luck!

Dave

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Beginner barbarians probably had the idea that every house they broke into would be full of untouched loot and frightened, unarmed victims. It just doesn't work that way, my friend.

I hope these evil men come to understand our peaceful ways soon - My trigger finger is blistering!
 
You got yourself a nice new gun, now get smart. The first time you let a wife/girlfreind/parent/ sibling/whomever
force you to do something you don't want to do, yer done.If you have to, lie to them, tell them you sold the gun, and learn your lesson.If they browbeat you into going without a gun, you'll have only yourself to blame when you need a gun and havent got one.
 
Yeah, talk about a can of worms. I'd probably tell them you are re-considering it. And perhaps over the Thanksgiving prayer give thanks that the times evil men have pulled a gun on you that you haven't been injured or killed.

My wife had serious qualms about me getting a handgun. She was OK with the shotgun, once I explained the response time of the sherrifs in our county and how many are on duty at any given time. But she didn't understand the need. Well, it's taken all year but through slow carefull telling of the facts she's come around.

You aren't going to win the argument overnight, and I would also buy your means of self-defense anyway.

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Peace through superior firepower...
Keith

If the 2nd is antiquated, what will happen to the rest.
"the right to keep and bear arms."
 
Coming from a very pro-gun family (Mom got me a S&W .38 when I turned 18), it's hard for me to truly understand your situation.
But I'll have to go along with what everyone else is saying....Tell 'em you've changed your mind, then get it anyway!
It's kinda' like when I was 18 and I took my new 29 year old girlfriend (who was a rather well known area "dancer" btw) to meet my mom! I told Mom I'd quit seeing her, then we kept on keepin' on ;) and everyone was happy!

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Happiness is a tight group!


[This message has been edited by Outlaw1 (edited November 17, 1999).]
 
Well, I was 29 when I bought my first gun, and like your Mom, my Mom wasn't too thrilled about it, either. My brother was also concerned that I might wind up seriously injuring myself with it (those two, by the way, are the more liberal members of the family).

Dad, on the other hand, was rather pleased. He owns a 1911A1 and about 5 long guns (grew up in W. Va., and did a lot of hunting as a boy). Still, he encouraged me to be careful, and for the sake of my mother, asked me to get some training. I had already done that--got it the same day I picked up my pistol--the mandatory 4 hour training course which is a prerequisite for getting a Florida CCW. I had also passed a gun handling course in college (it's on my transcript even), several years hence.

So, do what you can to ease their mind on the matter (training, education, extra steps for gun safety, etc). And give them some time to cool off. I seriously don't think they would write you off or disown you just for owning a gun (unless you have a history of getting into serious trouble). But then again, I don't live in Kalifornia.

jth

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Exodus 22:2 -- Biblical precedent for home defense.
 
Whoa! I've really got to disagree with some of my friends on this one.

I agree with keeping your business to yourself. One of the first principles of firearms ownership is keeping your mouth shut about it in terms of what you have, where you carry it / keep it, etc. However, I think it's time we drew the line when it comes to lying about it with family, and especially about backing down re: the right to / obligation of self defense.

You'll need to make your own choice. The easy way right now is to feed them the BS that you changed your mind. But, multiply that decision by millions of others that aren't willing to help their friends and family understand the RKBA, and ... voila ... no RKBA. And friends, that's where we're headed, at light speed.

If that's what you have to do, so be it. But, I'd sure encourage you to try to educate them. Look at it this way - your folks and your sister are living in a dream world. Over time, you may help them realize that they too should take some responsibility for their own defense. And, that realization may save their lives someday as well.

Good luck.
 
MM, Welcome! Let me just say I know the feeling well. I am 28 and do not live at home, yet my family still thinks they can run my life. I don't own a gun yet, but within the next few months I will. I went shooting for the first time a few weeks ago, and like you I became addicted. I wanted to tell my mom and dad about it until the subject of guns came up. (My mom saw something with Rosie) Before opening my mouth I asked her why she hated guns so much, before I could finish she went on the rant! Asked me why I am so interested in guns, that I should go to church, I have a daughter whats the matter with me, I need to seek help, blah blah blah. At that point I knew not to tell her much. I did stand up for myself and asked her how she would feel if someone broke in my house and God forbid something happened to me or her grandaughter. That didnt work either, she thinks if I put crosses all over the house then no one will break in. So I just told her, I would want a gun to protect myself and my daughter, I would do it all legally and responsibly, if she didnt like it I was sorry she felt that way but I am an adult and there is not much she can say anymore.She didnt say much after that. Sometimes you just need to take your stand, eventually they will get over it. OR like someone said above just say you changed your mind, less said the better. Either way it all comes down to you are an adult and old enough to make your own choices. I feel I do what is right for me and not worry about what they think is right for me. You have to do the same. And Thanksgiving....ah just show up, what are they going to do? ;) Good luck!
 
I agree with Jeff T. Don't lie to your family. This is analagous to telling them you're gay, in one sense - they may be shocked and horrified, but they're going to be forced to make a crucial decision - love you unconditionally or not. Share this analogy with them, and guilt/shame them into acceptance (not necessarily understanding). Accuse them of being bigots against your self-defense philosophy, and your silly urge to stay alive. Explain that both God's law and man's law strongly recognize the right to kill another human being if justified as self-defense. [Disclaimer: I am not a licensed psychiatrist or psychologist, or even a certified family counselor, and probably don't know jack crap about the subject I'm talking about].
 
MM, Well I certainly emphathize with your situation. I too came from a very domineering and controlling family. I continued to fight the incessant battles over any number of topics until I realized that the arguments had nothing to do with the supposed resson (owning guns, racing motorcycles, getting engaged, entering a career in law enforcement, getting married, having children, raising children, teaching children to shoot, etc. etc. etc.) but in fact had everything to do with the fact that they wished to control me and my family.
I refused.
I chose to completely sever all contacts with my family, my children are not allowed to visit, I don't call or write, and (of course) I have been cut out of the will.
I do not care.
The decision I made, no matter how difficult and heart wrenching, was made for the best interests of my wife, my children, and I. If I allowed the situation to continue, it would not have improved. My family also threatened to call friends, employers, get a lawyer to have children removed from my custody, I simply said "do your best, your threats and insults have been duly documented and I will fight you". Like other bullies in life, the threats were just that, threats without action to back them up.
MM, I am terribly sorry that you have had this happen, but remember, you did not cause the problem - they did. Stick by your guns (sorry for the pun,this was getting too serious) and always do what is right for you and yours. Later I am confident that you will come to realize that you made the right decision.
Good luck and my prayers to you.
 
Decide if you are willing to put in the time to convince your mother. If the answer is "no", do as you please and ignore her pressure. If the answer is "yes", do as you please, don't comment out your actions to her and bring her around slowly.
 
It sounds like they're just parroting what they've been told by the media and all our politicians. I don't think your parents want to completely cut you off from them, so you need to have a bit of patience and a cool head to try and show them the truth.

I was lucky. When I turned 21, my mom asked me what I wanted. I told her a 6" Ultimate stainless Colt Python. Guess what I got for my 21st birthday. :) Good luck.
 
Muscles,

I think I can understand your situation, my family is just as irrational (they didn’t speak to me for a month after I joined the army, and mom broke down crying when she found out that I actually had ammo (heavens!) for the rifle over the mantle (maybe she thought it was just a decoration)). I agree with the others here, just shut up about it. Don’t lie, but don’t tell them either. You have made a well thought out logical decision and have nothing to apologize for. They are your family, so you can’t just walk away. But until they adjust themselves to your reality a low profile is probably best (I haven’t told them about my CCW yet, I figure that will be good for six months of the silent treatment). That being said, let them know that if they do call your employer or anyone else that YOU will be the one that disowns them (until they can admit that they were wrong). Good luck, if nothing else, the next few weeks should be interesting for you.

Greg
 
I'm in with Jeff Thomas and Futo Inu.
I would encourage you to NOT lie to your family. This would be adding insult to injury, so to speak.

My mother-in-law is a very opinionated woman who was initially horrified about us having a gun in the house. Of course her concerns are for her grandchildren and her daughter (my wife).

Time and calm discussion have mellowed her out a bit (I have not told her that when we visit them I do not shed my gun, just because we are there, and she has never asked!)

Most people when they stand on any principle have to weather the storms that they receive. You are being tested by them, whether they know they are doing it or not.

When they finally run out of wind and your knowledge and emotional stability wins out over their empassioned diatribes, they will look at you differently.

They may write you back into the will.
They may invite you back to Thanksgiving.

Then, again. They may not. But you are an adult, on your own, and certainly you want their respect and love. But you also want to be a responsible individual, and I don't believe that they will protect you 24/7 any more than the police will.

There always is a calm after the storm.

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John/az

"The middle of the road between the extremes of good and evil, is evil. When freedom is at stake, your silence is not golden, it's yellow..." RKBA!
 
Don't lie. Do what you want, its your life. If your mother gets serious about these threats then you have a good case for harassment...take legal action and bury her.

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"Quis custodiet ipsos custodes" RKBA!
 
While I was in the Army I married a Republic of Kalifornia girl 14 years ago, and was she an anti gunner. She totaly freaked when I brought my 1911 back from my parents after our honey moon. Well it took time and a lot of explainning but last week she called me at work asking where a rifle was that she could shoot, seems the coyote that has been bothering her dogs was getting a drink out of the pond behind the house. (The only problem was the rifle out of the safe at the time was a Romanian T44 carbine in 7.62 X 54 and would have knocked her flat on her rear.)Now she bugs me every few days to take her out and show her how to shoot one of the smaller rifles. There is hope
 
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