Not doing well with death of my dad

Skeeter,

My heart goes out to you.

It took me nearly 12 years to properly grieve for my grandfather. That was far too long. Even though I know I will see him again, such a loss can be extremely hard.

Let the tears flow and the grief express itself. It will heal.

Sincerely,

John
 
Skeeter, I've not had the loss but since my Dad's 89, who knows when I will. Keep him in your heart and the good memories in your mind. Hang in there.

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Ne Conjuge Nobiscum
"If there be treachery, let there be jehad!"
 
Peace to you and your house.

I was able to hold my dad's hand as he drifted off. You think you're getting back in the groove, and then get blindsided. Repeatedly.

Rule of thumb I was taught in social work and death and dying classes was one year. If you aren't functioning and beginning to move on by then you need help. Only 3 months? Your feeelings sound pretty normal for 3 months.

That doesn't mean you can't be responding healthily and still find and take advantage of resources that will help you. It sometimes helps to see that grief causes problems for other normal, sane, mentally healthy people experiencing loss. These resources can also help keep you from having to reinvent the wheel. Hospitals often have or know of groups or classes if, but only if, you want them.

Get a dutch uncle and talk to him. An older brother. If they listen, really listen to you, then you listen to them. If not, find someone else.

Go out and find a beautiful quiet spot and spend time there. You may find peace there.

Finally, if it helps to talk to your dad, talk to him.

Just don't be too surprised if something happens to tell you he heard. Research shows people say they know their loved one at some point made contact or left a sign for them more often than not.

I bid you Peace

[This message has been edited by Rusty S (edited July 09, 2000).]
 
skeeter, your foundation has been shaken as all ours have been or will be. Keep the faith and you will be left with good thoughts and feelings for a life well lived.
Remember to ask yourself how your Dad would like you to handle his death.

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"Keep shootin till they quit floppin"
The Wife 2/2000
 
Skeeter, my sincere condolences to you on the loss of your father. My Dad passed away in 1989 after a long battle with cancer. He was very handy in all the pratical skills: woodworking, and mechanics in particular. He taught me many things. When he died, I inherited his tools and the 13 foot workbench he made, and that I grew up working on, along with all the baby food jars filled with nuts, bolts, screws, washers, etc. Whenever I need to fix something or fabricate some practical item or tool, I turn on the shop lights over the bench, look at the rows of shelving with all that stuff and say, "Well, Dad, how we gonna fix this thing?" And you know, I just get the feeling he's there guiding me. "We" have been pretty successful at it so far. That's where we commune. I know we'll meet again on the other side.
 
Skeeter;

I'm sorry for your loss. Hang in there, man, the pain will lessen with time. I admire you for talking about it and working through your pain.

In my life I have lost several people close to me:
- my father committed suicide,
- all of my grandparents are gone,
- my younger brother died when I was 16 and he was 2,
- my wife's grandfather was one of the funniest men I ever met,
- my wife's grandmother just recently,
- as well as two friends in high school in separate auto accidents.

I still miss them all, but death is a part of life. If not for my religious convictions, there is no way I could handle it. I am comforted in my knowledge of Jesus Christ and the promise of resurrection and eternal life.

May I suggest that you get a notebook or something and start writing down your thought and feelings in a journal;. You can always burn it later ;) , but it helps to get it all out on paper. It's sort of like having someone to talk to any time. Some office supply, greeting card, and book stores carry blank, hardbound books with ruled pages. Give it a try.

Hang in there and God bless.
 
Sorry man, but I know how it MIGHT feel to loose someone dear, my son was in neo-natal intensive care unit for 3 weeks because he was under weight, barely 3 pounds, the neonatoligist said all we can do, is keep him on the air tent, and feed him thru his nose, and hope he can hang on until his weight catches up with him.

He made it, $60,000 dollars later, but the feeling that he could be gone was more than I could bare sometimes, You are much stronger than I, and you will make it.

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"Arms discourage and keep the invader and plunderer in awe, and preserve order in the world as well as property...Horrid mischief would ensue were the law abiding deprived the use of them" --Thomas Paine, 1775

www.2ndamdlvr.homestead.com/home.html
 
Man, I've been there.

Have faith - you will never forget him, but the crying will stop. It doesn't matter how long it takes, for we are all diferent.

My dad dies when I was 17. I still have dreams with him in them.

May your's be as happy as mine.

-LevelHead-
 
Sorry to hear of your loss. Time will heal. I dont know how old your father was but it sounds like he led a good righteous life. Trust in the Lord Jesus.

You will see him again, and he'll show you around. You will probably have a lot to talk about.

I dont know you or your father, and I am crying as I type this. You will get through it.

WIth Deepest Sympathy,

Orso.
 
My condolences on the loss of your beloved father. I lost my Dad three years ago under "strange" circumstances which still bother me to this day. He was in the hospital for about a week and mid-week they were saying that it looked like he would be home for the week-end. However, Thursday night / Friday morning, he took a turn for the worse and was placed in intensive care. From that point, one thing after another kept going wrong. First he slipped into a coma and his blood pressure dropped really low to the point of death and in order to restore his vitals, they pumped him full of medicine and after being by his bedside all night watching him nearly die several times, his blood pressure was stabilized. We thought that we the worse was finally over but all of that medicine caused his kidneys to fail and he was too week to be put on a kidney machine. So they pumped him with more medicine and just as his kidneys started functioning again, that patch of medicine caused his stomach to rumpture.

Every time we thought that the worst was over, something else went wrong. And in his weaken state, it was getting harder and harder for his body to keep going.

The doctors told me that while medically he was still alive, he was really dead and asked me for my permission to take him off the machines so that he could die in peace because they told me that there would be no hope for recovery.

At first I refused, because to mee it seemed that my father was still fighting and everytime we through him a life line, he grabbed on to it and pulled himself out of the trouble that he was in and he needed us to continue throwing him lifelines to beat this thing.

We continued like this for another two days with more and more bodyparts failing and more and more machines being hooked up to him. After nearly a week of this, I finally came to accept the fact that he wasn't going to make it and that we were just prolonging him pain & agony and I finally agreed to have them turn off the machines. I can honestly tell you that that was the hardest decision that I ever had to make.

I held his hand as he died and stayed with him until the body started to get cold. It's been over three years now and I think about him often and I wasn't able to type this post without shedding some tears and it brought back memories.

The words of comfort that I can offer is that we live, we die and death does not end it. I remind myself that he's in a better place free of the pain & suffering (both physical & emotional) that he had to endure in this life. I frequently pray for him and recall all that he did for me to make my life better (like coming home from a hard day's work, manually unloading 100-pound bags of cement and them still taking me to the park so that I could run around and play even though he, himself, was dead tired, etc.) and try to live a life that would make him proud.
 
Well dude, first off , I'm sorry for your loss! I'm dealing with a physically perect mother who has the mental capacity of a 2 year old. I have lost her in the same sense as you have lost your father, pretty much, except that she is still living and expected to do for quite some time. I feel that when the time comes it comes and it is the lords blessing. Your father is in a much better place than here to be sure. My heartfelt sorrow nonetheless. God Bless, Siggy
 
Very sorry Skeeter. I lost both of my parent's in 96; dad in January and mom
the following December. I understand
completely, and you have our blessings
here at TFL.

Respectfully,
Ala Dan, N.R.A. Life Member
 
May God bless you Skeeter,

My mother passed of emphysema when I was 18, and I was crushed...
It was a long and slow and painful death.

My grandfather passed when I was 22 and Both my grandmothers shortly thereafter. My grandfather was the most gentle and wisest man I know, he introduced me to my love of firearms...

God I miss them all...

Being the only son OF an only son, the only family left alive is my father. No aunts, uncles or nieces or nephews.

I know that when my father does go, I will cry like a baby...
No shame, just cry...

I`ve let myself cry now while writing this, and it`s been 8 years since losing a loved one...
Crying is one of the most healthiest and healing overload vents our bodies and minds have.

I will include you in our prayers,
Howard

May God smile upon you, and your father in heaven.



[This message has been edited by GIT_SOME.45 (edited July 11, 2000).]
 
skeeter, add my sincere condolences to the list. I still have my Dad, thank God, but I know how great the loss I will feel if I lose him.

I hope that your pain will dissipate soon, but may you never forget the bonds, the smiles, the love.
 
Continue talking to him...I still do to mine and its been 8 yrs. You'll always miss him and at times get weepy but it doesn't hurt nearly as much and, as been mentioned, the smiles come back when thinking of past incidents.
If you have kids, or when you do, tell them about him, share the stories and memories in a personal/real way so they know their grandfather....that keeps a part of him alive.
Hang in there Skeeter, it will get easier, believe me. Kind regards.

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"Quis custodiet ipsos custodes" RKBA!
 
Skeeter, I'm sorry for your loss, I understand your pain and mourning as I lost my mother this past August and my father passed away this March. I miss both of them deeply and their deaths have left a huge void in my life. As mentioned in an earlier post, prayer does help, along with the support of your remaining family and friends, you'll be able get through this. there's not a day that goes by that I'm not reminded of my parents in some way, so in that sense they will always be with me.. God bless, Mark / Fl
 
He is in a much better place now. You have my condolences and best wishes to get through this time as soon as possible.
 
Skeeter,

Sorry about your dad. I lost mine in February, and I miss him like you wouldn't believe. My dad was the finest, most unselfish person I ever knew. His prostate cancer took over, and the last two months we had to do everything for him. He suffered but never complained.

Try to remember all of the good things that your dad did, the times you had together, and the things that your dad did for you and you for him. Put a picture of him on your desk and smile at it once a day. It won't be easy, but if you remember and appreciate the good things, it will get better.

Take care and God Bless.


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NRA Life Member
Michigan Coalition for Responsible Gun Owners(MCRGO)
 
Skeeter, my condolences. My dad died when I was 6 and I know him only from pictures. So be thankful that you at least have some good memories.

I got into shooting and reloading at 26 when found a box of my dads reloading equipment in our attic. I ran across a box of .44 mag that my dad reloaded...now everytime I go to the desert I shoot one of his rounds as a tribute to him.
 
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