<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Bruce in West Oz:
Skeeter
Mate, I'm so sorry for you. Have you tried talking to your Dad?? I mean it seriously. My Grandad went a long time ago, but when I'm alone -- sometimes -- I talk to him. Makes me feel better.
[/quote]
I agree completely with the above....
My father died 2 years ago, he was in just about perfect health for a 72 year old and had stepped outside to light the grill to cook dinner for my mother and himself. A sudden and completely unexpected heart attack hit him and he was gone before he hit the ground, the cat started crying and alerted my mother to the problem. Being out in the country it was over half an hour before medical help arrived and she decided to let him go, not to try and revive him.
I loved my father, as any son would, but neither of us particularly liked the other. Get us in a room together and it was only a matter of time before we were at each other's throat. That fact only made his death that much harder for me, I had talked to him just 2 days before he died and our last words had been in anger, the regular highly heated arguement over money.
Anyway, my point....
my grief was only compounded by the guilt I felt for being such a horse's ass to him.... I spent many hours alone sitting in my car or at his grave in the middle of the night talking to him. Sometimes I just talked, sometimes I asked questions and allowed myself to imagine his voice answering in my mind. Slowly after time that "voice" I imagined changed from the usual angry hurt voice to a forgiving and loving one, and I began to accept his death, and make peace with myself.
One night shortly before the first christmas without him I was going through my head the things I would get friends and family as gifts. Out of habit I tried to think of something for dad, and realizing so spoke out loud telling dad that even though he wasn't here to open a present I wanted to do something for him and his memory. I immediately heard his voice in my mind say the following which I will never forget: "If you want to do something for me just be there for your mother. ....and clean up the damn house."
That is EXACTLY what he would have said, I hadn't thought of it beforehand and it came as a total shock to me.... I now believe that he really IS still here with me sometimes, when I need him.
Another time I was at Sam's Club getting some shopping done and saw a couple let their shopping cart go and hit a brand new car a couple rows down from them in the lot. They saw what happened, looked around to see if there were witnesses, and got in their car to leave. I ran over there and shouted at them to stop but they just sped past me and drove off while I yelled their tag number out to them. I checked the car for damage, there was a scratch but it was very minor, and went inside and told the manager what happened. The owner of the car came out and saw the scratch, got my name/number, and thanked me for trying to intervene. I went about my shopping and forgot about it untill leaving the store. When you leave a Sam's Club they check your receipt to make sure you aren't walking out with merchandise you didn't pay for. After checking my cart out the old man at the door thanked me and when walking passed him he said IN MY FATHER'S VOICE "I'm proud of you son." I went white and asked what he said, he just said thanks and have a nice day....
Part of me says it was all just in my mind, my subconscious creating it to give me some reassurance regarding my father's death. Another part of me says there are things we don't understand and maybe don't need to understand, but should instead just accept them and take any comfort we can from them.
I still talk to my dad sometimes, he doesn't "speak" to me now but I know he's listening. He's at rest now and slowly over time my mind has come to peace as well.
Talk to your dad, tell him you love him, and make peace with him if you have anything to resolve as I did. Ask for his guidance and you will feel his presence guiding you sometimes, but don't be afraid to let him go.... he's at peace now and his love for you remains.
There he shares a sense of well being and love that no mortal man can know.