Reduced power/recoil loads are not necessary. Recoil is not an issue with either full power 357 or 44 magnum loads.
First off, that comments sounds like a bunch of macho nonsense. Why do you think that there are managed recoil loads for 20 gauge and 30-30? Why do so many good instructors introduce new shooters to their 357 Magnum by shooting 38 SPC loads?
Secondly, recoil is both scientifically calculable and a subjective experience. The subjective experience is the important part.
What one person can tolerate has no bearing on what someone else can tolerate. The OP isn't worried about his tolerance to recoil, he is worried about someone else. I'm not going to give my wife a 12 gauge to shoot, I've seen and experienced the bruises it leaves on the shoulders of experienced hunters. For her, a 30-30 is as heavy as I'd go, and even then use reduced recoil ammunition. It's not because she's a woman, it is because when training people who aren't gun people to use guns the training shouldn't be confused with an unpleasant introduction to sadomasochism.
But since recoil is calculable, here are the numbers.
.44 Rem. Mag. (240gr at 1760) 7.5lb rifle, 11.2 ft/lbs, 9.8 fps
.30-30 Win. (150gr at 2400) 7.5lb rifle, 10.6ft/lbs, 9.5 fps
Except a Marlin 1894 in 44 Mag is not a 7.5 lb rifle, it is a 6.5lb rifle so the numbers increase.
.44 Rem Mag, (240 at 1760) 6.5lb rifle, 12.3 ft/lbs, 11 fps
Yes, a full power pistol round recoils more than one of the finest deer cartridges ever created from the same mass rifle.
But if you take that same 6.5lb Marlin 1894 and load it to a 44 SPC level of 200gr bullet at 1200 fps you get 5ft/lbs recoil at 7fps. That is less than half the recoil energy, and almost half the velocity of a full power load.
Yet those sort of "powder puff" loads are still every bit as deadly for home defense as their full power counterparts. A 135gr soft nose bullet from a 30-30 at 2,400 fps will stop the heck out of an intruder.
Lethality comes in three parts, accuracy, penetration, disruption. Training someone to use a firearm means training for accuracy. Accuracy comes from repetition and it is easier to get accurate faster with low recoiling options. Which is why companies make low recoil ammunition for such pussycat options as the 30-30 and 20 gauge, or use 44 SPC or 38 SPC in lieu of full power magnum loads.
Even handloaders get into the act: http://www.hodgdonreloading.com/reloading-education/tips-and-tricks/low-recoil-loads
Jimro