If you have nothing to hide...(a short story)
--------------------------------
Every once in a while, something beautiful happens. This was NOT one of those occasions.
Yesterday I went to the doctor (sore throat, fever, etc.) - nothing serious - but I felt really rotten.
Shortly thereafter, I visited a friend (a Paramedic) at his office. I wanted to
set up a class and borrow some first aid equipment from him.
A fellow instructor was there. She’s about 5’5”, 103lbs (she says), bleached blonde (a truly artificial shade, by the way), with a hairdo about 2” long.
She is painfully thin, brags about it, and insults anyone large enough to cast a shadow by referring to them as obese slobs. I weigh nearly 250lbs so you can imagine how she attacks me about my weight. (She's NOT wrong about everything, I suppose.)
She is ugly. Not so much physically as “clear to the bone”. She lords her PhD
degree over all listeners. She belittles everyone with a verbal ability that borders on physical violence. She uses her PhD like a club, her vocabulary like a hammer. Behind her back, she is called, "The Witch"!
She is universally despised for her brutality towards all “lesser” people - of which (obviously) I am one.
Naturally, she is a ranting & raving gun control nut who won’t give it a rest.
Yesterday I politely said hello to her as I passed by and she started in on me about gun control. I felt rotten so I asked her nicely to skip it for today and she foolishly considered that a sign of weakness. She escalated her attack, following me to my friend's desk. (Strike one.)
I told her I was busy and suggested we discuss it later, but she had an audience and would not be put off. As I tried to conduct my business with my friend, she kept at me and kept at me - making it impossible to conduct business. (Strike two.)
Same old stuff, guns being a substitute for real manhood, immature expressions of sexual inadequacy, trying to put guns into the hands of every child, etc.... I was starting to reach “critical mass” when she found a hot button. She stated it was MY fault that the kids at Columbine were killed.
(Strike three!)
I locked up, nearly had a double hernia trying to control my clenched fists as
she continued, “If you have nothing to hide you can not make any rational argument against gun registration. What’s the matter? Are you afraid to let anyone see how many guns you have in your feeble attempt to be a man? ...”
I missed the rest because of the roaring in my ears....
I turned, she grinned expectantly waiting for me to bust loose.
“So,” I started, “if a person has nothing to hide he should let everyone see what he has?”
“Yes,” she replied, “you don’t have to hide what you’re not ashamed of!”
I looked at her 32AA chest and said, “So your blouse is merely for decoration?”
There was a millisecond of total stillness, broken only by the sound of my friend suddenly blowing Dr. Pepper out his nose, then all hell broke loose.
Two men and a woman at the counter began laughing hysterically, my friend began a realistic demonstration of a man choking to death. The Witch stood there stunned, displaying the widest eyes and mouth I have ever seen on a supposedly human being.
I began to expect she would slap me. I began to HOPE she would slap me. Frankly, I have no idea what I might have done in return.
I don’t remember much of the next few seconds. She stood there in shock as
my choking friend stepped between us in, as he later put it, “trying to save her life and keep Dennis out of jail!”
His words, if any, were unintelligible as he tried to speak through the choking and tears generated by soft drink-filled sinuses.
I vaguely noticed he was shaking his head violently, no! no!, and realized he
thought I was out of control. I felt out of control. I turned away and walked into an empty office, slammed the door and locked it.
There was a short pounding on the door as I leaned against the far office wall
wondering what I might have done if she had slapped me. The shrieking voices outside the office quieted and I was left alone.
I guess it took four or five minutes until the roaring and pain in my head subsided. Then I walked out of the office.
The three people who had been at the counter were gone now. My friend had survived and was now able to speak. As soon as he saw me he grinned and started to laugh. I didn’t laugh.
Finally, he calmed himself enough to complete our business and I left. I was
startled and disappointed that I still can be pushed into being verbally nasty. Worse, I was frightened, because if she had slapped me, I think I might have hit her.
But there was good news:
1) My friend admitted he despised the woman. He explained he had warned
her repeatedly about her nastiness and this was the final straw. He simply would not schedule her to teach any more classes for him.
2) More important: as angry as I was, it never entered my mind to pull the .45 I had concealed under my jacket.
Training and forethought apparently are of some value after all.
=========================================
I agree the Witch should wear a blouse. Not just for aesthetic reasons.
Just because you “have nothing to hide” does not mean it should be studied and documented - by the public or by those who are supposed to represent the public (our government).
There is only ONE reason for gun registration - subsequent confiscation.
Crime-fighting arguments are mere ruses - sheeple food.
Never register guns!
By the same token, there must be a better way to stop crime than to assume guilt until innocence is proven. Unjustified search and seizure can be taken too far!
Do you believe Americans should submit to searches of their homes, cars, offices, etc. because of "If you have nothing to hide...."?
If so, I would point out that sexually transmitted diseases such as AIDS can kill you just as dead as a gun. Should we stop cars on the interstate to take blood tests?
Herpes can blind an infant during birth. Should we have pelvic exams along our highways?
The difference between these stupid examples and unwarranted car stops to check for illegal drugs and drunk drivers is only a difference of extent - not of philosophy.
We never can be completely safe. We either must shoulder the risk of living, or suffer the checks and supervision of a tyrannical government.
Let's stop this madness. We are supposed to be a free people. Don't give it all up. Let "The Witch" wear her blouse.
[This message has been edited by Dennis (edited August 06, 1999).]
--------------------------------
Every once in a while, something beautiful happens. This was NOT one of those occasions.
Yesterday I went to the doctor (sore throat, fever, etc.) - nothing serious - but I felt really rotten.
Shortly thereafter, I visited a friend (a Paramedic) at his office. I wanted to
set up a class and borrow some first aid equipment from him.
A fellow instructor was there. She’s about 5’5”, 103lbs (she says), bleached blonde (a truly artificial shade, by the way), with a hairdo about 2” long.
She is painfully thin, brags about it, and insults anyone large enough to cast a shadow by referring to them as obese slobs. I weigh nearly 250lbs so you can imagine how she attacks me about my weight. (She's NOT wrong about everything, I suppose.)
She is ugly. Not so much physically as “clear to the bone”. She lords her PhD
degree over all listeners. She belittles everyone with a verbal ability that borders on physical violence. She uses her PhD like a club, her vocabulary like a hammer. Behind her back, she is called, "The Witch"!
She is universally despised for her brutality towards all “lesser” people - of which (obviously) I am one.
Naturally, she is a ranting & raving gun control nut who won’t give it a rest.
Yesterday I politely said hello to her as I passed by and she started in on me about gun control. I felt rotten so I asked her nicely to skip it for today and she foolishly considered that a sign of weakness. She escalated her attack, following me to my friend's desk. (Strike one.)
I told her I was busy and suggested we discuss it later, but she had an audience and would not be put off. As I tried to conduct my business with my friend, she kept at me and kept at me - making it impossible to conduct business. (Strike two.)
Same old stuff, guns being a substitute for real manhood, immature expressions of sexual inadequacy, trying to put guns into the hands of every child, etc.... I was starting to reach “critical mass” when she found a hot button. She stated it was MY fault that the kids at Columbine were killed.
(Strike three!)
I locked up, nearly had a double hernia trying to control my clenched fists as
she continued, “If you have nothing to hide you can not make any rational argument against gun registration. What’s the matter? Are you afraid to let anyone see how many guns you have in your feeble attempt to be a man? ...”
I missed the rest because of the roaring in my ears....
I turned, she grinned expectantly waiting for me to bust loose.
“So,” I started, “if a person has nothing to hide he should let everyone see what he has?”
“Yes,” she replied, “you don’t have to hide what you’re not ashamed of!”
I looked at her 32AA chest and said, “So your blouse is merely for decoration?”
There was a millisecond of total stillness, broken only by the sound of my friend suddenly blowing Dr. Pepper out his nose, then all hell broke loose.
Two men and a woman at the counter began laughing hysterically, my friend began a realistic demonstration of a man choking to death. The Witch stood there stunned, displaying the widest eyes and mouth I have ever seen on a supposedly human being.
I began to expect she would slap me. I began to HOPE she would slap me. Frankly, I have no idea what I might have done in return.
I don’t remember much of the next few seconds. She stood there in shock as
my choking friend stepped between us in, as he later put it, “trying to save her life and keep Dennis out of jail!”
His words, if any, were unintelligible as he tried to speak through the choking and tears generated by soft drink-filled sinuses.
I vaguely noticed he was shaking his head violently, no! no!, and realized he
thought I was out of control. I felt out of control. I turned away and walked into an empty office, slammed the door and locked it.
There was a short pounding on the door as I leaned against the far office wall
wondering what I might have done if she had slapped me. The shrieking voices outside the office quieted and I was left alone.
I guess it took four or five minutes until the roaring and pain in my head subsided. Then I walked out of the office.
The three people who had been at the counter were gone now. My friend had survived and was now able to speak. As soon as he saw me he grinned and started to laugh. I didn’t laugh.
Finally, he calmed himself enough to complete our business and I left. I was
startled and disappointed that I still can be pushed into being verbally nasty. Worse, I was frightened, because if she had slapped me, I think I might have hit her.
But there was good news:
1) My friend admitted he despised the woman. He explained he had warned
her repeatedly about her nastiness and this was the final straw. He simply would not schedule her to teach any more classes for him.
2) More important: as angry as I was, it never entered my mind to pull the .45 I had concealed under my jacket.
Training and forethought apparently are of some value after all.
=========================================
I agree the Witch should wear a blouse. Not just for aesthetic reasons.
Just because you “have nothing to hide” does not mean it should be studied and documented - by the public or by those who are supposed to represent the public (our government).
There is only ONE reason for gun registration - subsequent confiscation.
Crime-fighting arguments are mere ruses - sheeple food.
Never register guns!
By the same token, there must be a better way to stop crime than to assume guilt until innocence is proven. Unjustified search and seizure can be taken too far!
Do you believe Americans should submit to searches of their homes, cars, offices, etc. because of "If you have nothing to hide...."?
If so, I would point out that sexually transmitted diseases such as AIDS can kill you just as dead as a gun. Should we stop cars on the interstate to take blood tests?
Herpes can blind an infant during birth. Should we have pelvic exams along our highways?
The difference between these stupid examples and unwarranted car stops to check for illegal drugs and drunk drivers is only a difference of extent - not of philosophy.
We never can be completely safe. We either must shoulder the risk of living, or suffer the checks and supervision of a tyrannical government.
Let's stop this madness. We are supposed to be a free people. Don't give it all up. Let "The Witch" wear her blouse.
[This message has been edited by Dennis (edited August 06, 1999).]
).