Kevin, thanks for your service...you guys on the sharp end of the spear are one and all my heros...semper fi. My #2 son's in Kabul....keep safe.
As to the NC vs. FL...I'd wait till I got the rqrd. age in NC. It's not right, the age thing, but it's the way it is. As to a piece to fulfill your family's needs; I'd recommend something that your wife can handle as well....size of grip, trigger pull weight, sights etc.
For me and mine, that is a S&W Model 637. It's small enough to hide well in CCW, my wife's handy with it and it wears Crimson Trace laser grips giving it a realistic night capability. With .38 Special +P loads, it's enough and not too much. S&W also makes one without the exposed hammer, a 642 if memory serves, which is a little better for CCW.
Revolver vs. automatic....you're familiar, very familiar with weapons...but your wife may not be so inclined...the revolver is simpler by far and more than reliable for her use. Pull the trigger and it goes bang or not...just another trigger pull to access another round.
With an automatic there is a much more complicated manual of arms. Grip safety or not, slide mounted safety, magazine safety or not, decocker lever, leave a round in the chamber or rack the slide prior to use, strength of the recoil spring for your wife's hands and strength...all make the auto more demanding in training. It's a choice you have to make for your circumstances.
While my wife is a good shot, has more than enough strength to rack a Colt 1911, and good training skills and interest; she just doesn't practice and maintain familiarity to make an automatic a good choice. The Smith was her choice and she handles it well. +P rounds through it's ~16 oz. weight are not intimidating for her during practice, and the Crimson Trace laser has helped with learning a good double action trigger manipulation. We shoot iron sights in the daylight...but the laser will work in a dark bedroom or hallway when the chips are down. Expensive, but necessary in my view.
JMHO, Rodfac