grey man

[misnomerga]

I grew up in what is known as Fort Apache in the South Bronx of New York City. One thing that teaches you is how to exude a presence of "don't mess with me." That "attitude" served me very well negotiating life in NYC. I can recall many instances in which the way I carried myself, angry, purposeful, and in a hurry to get somewhere has caused a perceived threat to look elsewhere. It helps to have that look about you. My kids friends have often told them that I must be a secret service agent. They notice the way I carry myself, search and assess, etc.... I am not overly tall but I work out almost every day of the week. A guy in the gym came up to me recently and said I looked like an "assassin" and there was no way he'd mess with me. Interestingly enough though I believe those same attributes would be detrimental to me in a hostage situation. The BGs would definitely neutralize folks that would possibly be a threat to take action against them and I would be one of the ones they'd put down.

 

[JackL]

I don't see any point in trying to look menacing, because I'm 5'6" and built like a bald (OK, shaved) badger.

Apparently there's something offputting about badgers, though, because as a rule I don't attract trouble. Maybe it's the "head on a swivel" thing; maybe it's the fact that my stylistic tastes just run towards photographer's vests and engineer boots. Maybe it's something else, or a combination of things involving dress, posture, and movement. I don't know, but I am not a Tough Guy (TM), "Type A personality", or any other easily pigeonholed pop-psych stereotype. Still, people tell me that the social vibe I put out ranges from "do not touch" to "will eat your face".

I can do the 3D Wallpaper thing too, or the On Stage thing. It all depends on the setting.

 

[Olibobwa]

I'm a fan of the Rope-a-dope myself.

 

[BillCA]

LT,

Good discussion and it seems you thought about some of these factors too. Not to quibble too much but your conclusion that being selected involves a criminal that is "statistically novel" and is "specifically set on administering special negative treatment" hits a sour note with me.

Your quote was...

What you must understand is that your entire scenario is extremely weighted in that you have set specific parameters for the criminal encounter.

1. The criminal is statistically novel and is personally invested in the crime.
2. The crime encounter is novel and lasts longer than is statistically likely.
3. The criminal is specifically set on administering special negative treatment and is looking for victims in a novel and statistically irrelevant way.

When taking these factors into consideration, then yes, this philosophy of Blending In will help to deflect attention from yourself. But the General Rule that will statistically serve you much better in the long run states that:

1. The criminal will be garden-variety and want 2 things: Target + Escape.
2. The crime encounter will be over quickly, lasting only a few seconds.
3. The criminal will choose their victims based on likelihood of high payout + minimal risk of danger, resistance, or capture.
4. Anything deviating from these premises is therefore novel and thus the likelihood of their occurrence is inversely related to how many exceptions are applied to this rule.

When taking these factors into consideration, we can see that by looking like you are not an easy target both physically and behaviorally, you are much less likely to get ANY type of negative attention from the much more statistically likely criminals that you will encounter, thus serving to decrease your overall personal conflicts much more efficiently.

First, I posit that any criminal is personally invested in the crime he commits against another person. His belief is that he will control you through fear and you will thus do what he wants (hand over wallet). If you disrespect him, laugh at him, he may then injure you out of anger.

The "grey man" relies on the school-of-fish theory that if you blend in to the crowd or background, when the predator strikes, he is likely to select a closer, gaudy or eye-catching target. You are virtually unnoticed or indistinguishable as a unique individual amonst many. On the other hand, if you are walking alone or one of only a few, you may be selected anyhow.

This will work on the street where the predator is looking for someone who stands out as successful or having money -- or at least likely to have valuables. It also works should you be in a grocery (liquor or convenience) store that's being robbed. You look like the unassuming Joe who isn't a hero or a big threat to his actions.

I agree that we are most likely to meet the garden variety thief who wants your watch and wallet. But we must also guard against being too visible when that statistical oddity comes along -- the guy who comes into Dwight's church to assassinate his ex-wife and her family; or as recently happened target specific people at his employer. In those cases, you want to "blend in" or appear to be "low threat" to him. That way, when his focus is elsewhere you can hopefully end the conflict rapidly.