Rbid, that was brilliant.
The thing is, you'll hear those things from both sides of the counter.
Thank you, Tom. You are absolutely correct about hearing stuff from both sides of the counter. I've heard some things while on the customer side of the counter that blow my mind.
Since it's my day off, I've got time to bang out a few more of these. All of them are actually based on things customers have said in our stores. The rubber band comment was the biggest leap. That one came from a customer telling me that snipers are trained to be precise with everything from long range rifles, to throwing knives. One toss, one kill?
More things I've learned from customers:
21. Delta recruits Marines and SEALs at boot camp. They ask you if you want to join. If you say, "yes", they send a letter to your family saying that you died in training, and send you to a special school. That's why nobody knows anyone from Delta. Once at the special school, Delta guys are taught things like BJJ, how to fly planes, and sniper skills. After training, they get all of their missions from the CIA. Delta "agents" can never contact their families. If you say, "no", they make you sign a contract that says you can't tell anyone about them. (I was told this by a guy who said he was, "going to do Delta, but he wanted a family".) It appears that the "hush hush" contract is void in gun stores.
22. "When the SHTF, the SEALs and SF guys are going to kill everybody and take over." When I was told this, I was working the shop with a coworker who spent 8 years with Army SF. To his credit, all he said was, "Sir, I think they would just let all of the stupid people kill each other."
23. The police don't want us to have guns, because they are jack boot wearing, government thugs.
24. Polished stainless = gangster.
25. Nickel plated .380s = more gangster.
26. Desert Eagles can shoot through tank armor. That's why Israelis carry them.
27. The 10mm and .40 S&W are the same round. The Glock 20 is the full size. The Glock 22 is the slim frame. Smith & Wesson "bought the US rights" to the round, which is why some of it is called .40 S&W.
28. Sam Colt invented the 1911.
29. The 1911 was originally called the ".45 APC", which stands for ".45 Automatic Pistol by Colt".
30. The .45 was developed because the Army wanted a round bigger than the 9 and .40.
31. The CZ 75 is a clone of the Browning Hi-Power.
32. Bushmaster secretly machines cracks into their AR lowers. They fall apart if you put too many rounds through them, too fast.
33. The UN has a massive army, with soldiers from all of its member countries. They wear blue helmets, and enforce "UN Laws" all over the world. They are going to help Obama confiscate our guns.
34. DHS has a massive training base, where they have a mock town, and run "take over" drills. They are preparing to take over all of the major cities in the US. (as an aside: DHS must have half of the US population working for them, to be able to consider the schemes attributed to them).
35. DHS can hack into your laptop through the power cord. You shouldn't access your gun safe if your computers are plugged in.
36. Rock River Armory is a company from the Philipines that makes quality ARs and inexpensive 1911s.
37. Caracal is owned by Al Quaeda. The slides are machined so that they will break when they get a few thousand rounds through them.
38. The US government pays private pilots massive amounts of money to fly their personal, small planes over suspected terrorist compounds and take surveillance photos. Sometimes, the terrorists shoot at them. The pilots who do this kind of dangerous work usually have a friend ride shotgun with an AR-10, so they can shoot back. The government pays so much because they don't want to send Air Force pilots or planes, so they can say they weren't involved if these brave pilots get caught.
It is common for these pilots to have to fly as low as 100 feet above the compounds. (this guy comes in every month and a half or so. He has been working up a shopping list of all of the guns he needs. So far, he wants a Sig 716 Patrol so he can shoot back at terrorists, and says he "needs two 1911s, in case he gets shot down". He's entertaining, but I wouldn't sell this man any guns.)
39. "Domestic violence convictions are a stupid reason to get denied for a purchase."
40. "4473s are stupid. You can lie, and check 'no' on everything!" When told this, I asked, "Sir, are you telling me you're about to get denied?" He said, "no". I keyed him into NICS. He got denied. He acknowledged having served time on drug convictions. He then asked if I keyed his answers in correctly, and made sure that I understood that he checked 'no' on all of the boxes on the bottom. He then said that I could go ahead and sell him the gun, and he would straighten it all out with his lawyer. I apologized for not being able to do so, and offered to call the police so that they could get him in contact with a lawyer right away. He said I lost a customer, and that he would buy from the competition. I apologized, and suggested that I could make it up to him by calling the police, if he wanted to wait for a ride to another shop. He said my customer service skills suck. I apologized, and offered to call the police so that he could file a report against me. He left.
