For the record, I believe that yelling at someone or hitting a wall or throwing a remote control or whatever is NOT violence. It’s a healthy way to express human and animal emotions without harming any person. Yet it’s viewed by the law as violence. The law is unrealistic that people are going to behave civilly in any and all circumstances. I tend to think that yelling can be a healthy venting. Of course, not all the time, but in an extreme circumstance. So if some of you perfect people disagree, so be it.
I don’t believe that yelling, punching a wall, pointing, etc. should ever warrant losing your gun rights any more than is should warrant your losing your rights to be in the presence of anything else that can be used as a weapon. Further, if you’re a free man/woman, then you should be able to own guns. IF you’re too violent for that, then you should be locked up.
Some of you may wonder why this issue is so important to me personally. I will share a brief story with you to bring this in context.
Some time ago I served on a the condominium board of homeowners where I live. I have a female neighbor that I had known on a neighborly basis for several years, but never had any intimate relationship with her. She and I are about the same age. In the years I lived there, I had a few serious girlfriends, but my neighbor often asked me out on dates and I rejected her. I have always believed my neighbor to be vindictive, ruthless, and just not stable or sane so I’ve kept my distance as best possible. She was also often unemployed and delinquent on her monthly dues for many years and owned about $6000 in past dues, which she never intended on paying. As a board member, I was responsible for voting to place a lien on her home and foreclosing over time.
Around the time that we threatened foreclosure, my neighbor started harassing me by calling, knocking over my trashcans, calling animal control on my dog, flattening my tires, glaring, etc. One time I made the mistake of going to her home to confront her about this (I generally don’t like getting the law involved and wasting their time on minor incidents, but in hindsight should have). She assaulted and battered me by slapping me in the face (which completely took me by surprise) screaming at me, pointing in my face, and raising her fist toward me. I left and called the police. The asked if we were intimate, and we both said the truth, “No.” They took my report and took her report and issued her a ticket (but would have been required to make an arrest if there was evidence that we were intimate). At the time, my neighbor said that we were not intimate and she also never said anything about her being assaulted.
Fast forward 40 days later: I was served with a temporary restraining order alleging an intimate relationship, assault against her, and domestic violence! If convicted of any of these I would lose my job, my legal license, my gun rights, and likely face prison time! These allegations didn’t cost my neighbor a penny. Meanwhile, pursuant to the order, I could not be within 100 yards of the “victim” and could not possess a gun! I had to immediately vacate my home and move in with a friend across town initially 10 days and then another month because the case was continued. I also had to immediately have a friend come and collect ALL, every last one, of my guns and bullets and any other deadly weapons (knives, swords, etc.) for fear of violating the order. Rather embarrassingly, I had to air the dirty laundry of this whole allegation to my employer (lest I be arrested and have to explain for a restraining order “violation”), my friends who would act as character witnesses, etc. I later learned that this woman was involved in several other restraining orders against other men and a business (animal shelter) once took one out against her for trespassing and threating the employees on a regular basis.
The penalties I was facing were severe. Serious jail time and serious contempt fines.
Imagine this scenario for a moment. I don’t know for certain her reasons, and likely never will, but I believe it’s a combination of being romantically rejected, having a lien and foreclosure placed on her home, and my having filed a police report against her. She snapped and it was very very very bad for me.
The Outcome:
Despite severe criminal penalties, I had no right to a jury trial. The judge was a woman sympathetic to the causes of women as victims and her courtroom was the family law court. The evidence rules are relaxed and hearsay is admissible. I had to hire a lawyer for $5,000. It was the most stressful time in my life and it consumed me. I ate, slept, drank, and thought about this case and the ruin it would cause in my life.
The trial went remarkably well. The woman’s case was a clear sham. Her own witnesses told the truth and refused to lie for her and it worked in my favor. Some things that saved me were 1) I filed the first report 2) This court was familiar with her regular restraining order appearances 3) She was her own lawyer and did a bad job and didn't have any witnesses who were willing to lie -- all 6 of her witnesses were actually damaging to her case -- which is a mistake that she would not have made if she had a lawyer, 4) I had a very expensive and very good lawyer. The real thing that saved me was that I didn't do what she alleged and she badly failed to support her allegations. I didn’t have to present a single piece of evidence and the case was a directed verdict in my favor and the DV case never materialized.
HOWEVER, if this woman would have hired a lawyer to avoid some pitfalls that made her case so awful, or if she had a friend or two willing to lie, of if she would have done a few things differently, I could easily be in prison and/or have no gun rights, be unemployed, lost my law license which is invaluable, etc.
It was literally as close of a brush with being a criminal that I would ever want to have.
The case cost me a lot money and wasted time and energy which is lost forever. It was monumentally stressful.
It cost her nothing but a few lies.
It brought to my attention the seriousness of this issue on a local and national level for any and all pro gun activists. Be careful in your steps and look into your own state laws and contact the legislature if you think these laws are too easily abused.
It’s estimated that the majority of DV and restraining orders are abusive by the system, and this makes the legitimate cases appear illegitimate.
No one is advocating true violence or abuse. However, what I am advocating is that each case be scrutinized to make sure that there is true violence or abuse and it’s not just a convenience or mandatory action.
Also, unless there is a specific threat with a gun, anti-gun laws have no business in this type of action.
Hope this has been informative. I’ve enjoyed the discussion and alerting others about these unfair anti gun laws.
