I can't say it better Re: MM than the great Bill Whittle:
http://www.ejectejecteject.com/
THIS MICHAEL MOORE MOMENT BROUGHT TO YOU BY BILL WHITTLE
I mentioned a few weeks ago that Michael Moore was a guest on SUNDAY MORNING SHOOTOUT, for which I am the editor. I recused myself from that taping. There are, to my knowledge, only five people that I fear may cause me to lose control enough to become (progressively) embarrassed, fired, arrested or executed. O.J Simpson is one; the second is the absolutely execrable Ted Rall, and the final three are Michael Moore.
Besides, my normally straightforward colleagues broke the news that he would be a guest on the show in the same way you might tell someone young and full of life that they have only three days to live. Me and Mike have more than an oil and vinegar thing going; it’s more particle / anti-particle. I have dedicated my life to fighting everything he stands for. I would correct those who have said I am the anti-Michael Moore. I deeply appreciate the sentiment, but the fact is, he is the anti-Bill Whittle.
He is a great TV guest however.
Funny, self-deprecating, animated, interesting. Today I first saw the raw footage preparatory to commencing my Dark Arts. Since I have about an hour of raw tape on Mike, I toyed with the idea of taking an hour or two and editing a little two-minute movie of MM telling us what a great and good man George W. Bush is. A decent editor can string together a funny series of quotes in this manner. A really good editor – and forgive me this little vanity, but I am a really good editor – can do it in such a way that it does not look funny at all. It is completely seamless.
Michael Moore is a really good editor. Just watching the trailer for Fahrenheit 9/11, I could see all the techniques: the judicious cutaway before the smile that shows the speaker is joking, the juxtaposition of two images to suggest a third, completely new thought or emotion…that sort of thing.
[By the way: during the 1920’s. Sergei Eisenstein – shown above in this undated audition photo for Eraserhead – and other Soviet filmmakers found themselves critically short of motion picture film (not to mention bread, toilet paper, electricity, and happiness – this was The Big State At Work, remember.) Sergei and his truly brilliant fellow filmmakers had nothing to do but play with editing by re-cutting old films. They just took some hoary old silent classics and re-cut them again and again, trying to make them say something different. They would also experiment, by taking a shot of a man staring into the camera with absolutely no expression on his face whatsoever, and intercutting it with pictures of a sumptuous feast. When shown to an unsuspecting audience, every person in the theater later dutifully reported on how hungry the man looked. When the exact same head shot was cut against gauzy photos of a beautiful young woman, the audience remarked on how lonely he seemed. And so on.
In this society, with the visual language we all now speak, a citizen who does not understand the power of the cut is likely to be taken, and taken badly, by the likes of Michael Moore and me.]
Anyway, Michael was up to form in many ways, and I will now give you a very brief preview of a few things he said. I remember them very clearly. They are seared into my memory – seared, I say, in a manner reminiscent of John Kerry’s Christmas in Cambodia. I remember them because I just spent the afternoon like Pippin looking into the Palantir: horrified, appalled, and unable to look away:
Somewhere in the middle of the deeply, deeply sincere protestations that he hates controversy, and that the very idea of politicizing the Oscars is deeply, deeply distasteful to him, and that only at the very last minute did any idea of saying something nasty ever occur to him, Michael told what he considers the lesson of the election.
The lesson of the election – pay attention – is that the Republicans won because they had a compelling story to tell. “Never mind if it’s fiction,” said Michael. (I am only quoting from memory here, so it will be burned-neuron verbatim, believe me. His voice is echoing in my head like the endless fugue of screams and rudely spat-out cries of Sex Dwarf! in that classic old Soft Cell song – pure, unadulterated nightmare fuel.)
The (remember, fictional!) Republican story of the election, he said, voice deepening in faux drama, as if being sold to children at bedtime, was as follows:
Out of the ashes of September 11th, rose a man who stood upon the rubble of Lower Manhatten, with a bullhorn in his hand, and said "I will protect you, and you will never…be attacked...again."
And the people were never…attacked…again. And everyone lived happily ever after.
Now I listened to this, and my first thought was: And what part of that story was fictional, you son of a bitch? That sounds just exactly like what happened to me.
“What was the Democrats story?” he asks. Peter Guber comes up with my answer: “He changed it so many times no one knew.” Mike agrees, but that’s not his point. Kerry’s story, he says, was “I’m not Bush.” That’s not a story, says Michael Moore: that’s a tagline. They got 57 million votes with a tagline! It’s a miracle, really, if you look at it a certain way. Of course, if you look at it another way, it’s just another page in a 25 years of presidential defeats for Democratic candidates not named William Jefferson Clinton.
There then followed some general muttering that, when all is said and done, John Kerry may not have been the greatest candidate to ever grace these sacred shores. “Now that the election is over, let’s be honest.” Sure, why not. Now’s as good a time to start as any, Mike.
Now Michael starts to get religion! He balls his hands into small fists, peeling off the points. What the Republicans don’t want the Democrats to know – all you Democrats, please leave the room! – is that the secret to electoral success is that America loves Hollywood! Americans just love actors so much, we common folk hold them in such high esteem, that we’ll go for just about anything they’ve got! “Where is our Arnold?” implores Mr. Moore. Mike, and presumably many other liberals, want to know exactly this.
(Note to Terry McAuliffe: Please, please don’t throw a Martin Sheen / Ben Affleck ticket at us Jesuslanders! We’d have no response! Our celebrilicious genes would take over and we’d be paralyzed to resist! The election would go Dem in a cakewalk! Dear God, Terry – anything but that!)
Then Michael Moore said something that was accidentally interesting. The Republicans run actors all the time! They know it’s the ticket to success!
Then he listed them: Ronald Reagan… And, to be honest, I must here confess that I honestly thought that the moment that Michael Moore even started to mention the Rea— in “Reagan” -- in other words, the instant God was sure he wasn’t about to casually mention something else on his mind – Ronald McDonald, say – then he would suddenly burst into flames and wither into a smelly, burning pile of microwaved cheese. If there is a God, he does not watch much TV -- that much we can be certain of.
But the list of Republican actors turned successful politicians continued: Ronald Reagan. Arnold. That guy from The Love Boat. Fred Thompson. Sonny Bono…
Republicans know the secret to getting elected is to run an actor. Where are the liberal actors? Hollywood needs to find some and out them on the ticket.
Yes, where, where in the name of all that is Holy, can one find a liberal actor in Hollywood?
Anyway, this got me to thinking. There are only eight conservative actors in the history of Hollywood, and five of them have been elected to high office. (The sixth was elected president of the National Rifle Association, the seventh was elected Mayor of Carmel, California on a pro-business platform, and John Wayne had the class to never run for – or from – anything.) If, as my precisely scientific calculations show, liberal actors outnumber conservative ones by a ratio of 37,454.7 to 1, then where, indeed, are the elected liberal actors? Michael’s plea does make a species of sense for a change. Why are there no liberal actors elected to high public office?
-continued-