Defensive Theory: Smile, as a 'First Resort'.

For most people if you treat them with respect, bit of eye contact and a nod, that will get you by, even with most gangs. All you are doing when you give a nod is showing you recognize they exist and that is a bit of respect. No big smile, no downward eyes, or anything like that for being subservient can invite attack if they want to score points with their fellow gang members or chicks. And the same time as you nod don't fold your arms or put your hands on your hips (a sign of challenge or contempt.)

BUT, sociopaths and psychopaths don't respond to any of that. To them that's a sign of weakness, and as Clint Smith said, "if you look like food (that is look weak) you will be eaten."

And woe be if you encounter a gang on the warpath. Many young don't see the consequences of what they do and they can turn on you in a flash. If they are out for a wilding they won't care if you nod or smile or even beg.

So if you intend to smile alot then Capone, and Teddy Roosevelt, were right.

Speak softly and carry a big stick.

Deaf
 
Deaf Smith said:
...sociopaths and psychopaths don't respond to any of that. ...

And woe be if you encounter a gang on the warpath...
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I think this point, and the points others have made, is that gestures like a smile of nod, can be tools; and like other tools they need to be used at the proper times for the proper purposes and in the correct circumstances. It's helpful when part of our social development includes learning to read situations and the attitudes of others.
 
it also helps to know the differences in local gestures. A thumb's up or an ok sign have very different meanings in parts of the middle east, for example, and might initiate hostilities.
 
I disagree with the smiling approach. You never know how a smile will be interpreted. Someone might believe you are laughing or making fun of them while others might think you are being a wiseass. It will also make you appear as a soft target. When in doubt, the poker face of indifference is the best way to go.

Of course, in everyday interactions smiling works pretty well, but if we are talking about how to act in a situation of dealing with a questionable individual then I wouldnt be smiling. In fact, sometimes its even best to look annoyed and to scowl. If I were drawing a firearm on someone, you are not going to see me be courteous. In fact, I will be swearing and talking aggressively as that kind of language simply works in the self defense situation.

There is a good reason why you see police officers get mean in a self defense situation. Although it doesnt look good for the youtube video, it is a self defensive measure that works. You become a harder target then officer smiley and there is less of a chance the bad guy is going to challenge you.
 
Swearing and talking aggressively is not a good idea. Witnesses will think you are a bad person.

Also, if you think you are intimidating criminals by using bad words - they live a life of swearing.

Perhaps one can refer to the literature of victim selection as compared to one's posturing and speculating about being mean tough guy.
 
I prefer to maintain a bland nonspecific sort of pleasant expression in public, with the emphasis on bland. Encouraging approach from strangers is not what I'm interested in doing, but neither do I want to frighten passing children and little old ladies with some sort of ogre-like demeanor. Communication among humans is after all mostly non-verbal.

Think about who you are communicating with and what you are saying. For instance, take a look at http://www.teddytactical.com/archive/MonthlyStudy/2005/03_StudyDay.htm . "Normal" people are not likely to be a problem, but predators are a different kettle of fish.

'Social violence' must be considered also as it's likely to be more commonly encountered in ordinary life than predatory violence. I'd suggest getting a copy of Rory Miller's book Meditations on Violence for a discussion of lots of relevant material - see http://www.amazon.com/dp/1594391181...ning.com/Site//Home_files/widget1_markup.html
 
Let me clarify myself. I do not support anyone being anti-social to another person. Of course, you should smile, say hi, please, thank you, etc. in your daily interactions.

However, in a tactical situation you should not be smiling, saying please or thank you. You should use a firm command voice, you should look somewhat serious and sometimes swearing may not be out of the question. Of course, this wont look good for the youtube video and wont make you look good in court. The point of a self defense situation is to stay alive first and then worry about the defense later. Of course, whoever picks the situation apart is going to find mistakes and may not like what they see on a cellphone video. You can always explain later that you used a tone and voice which you thought would keep you safe. I would rather have a video of myself using a command voice and swearing presented to a jury then to have my remains presented to my wife.

In the law enforcement world, they call these "verbal tactics". The first thing you use is "verbal tactics". I have never seen an officer say something like "Can you do me a favor please and drop that weapon?" The verbal tactics used are always a little bit more coarse and may not be fitting for children. The facial expressions also are never a warm smile either. This is all in the name of controlling the situation.

Here is a good Youtube video of exactly what I mean. The officer in each interaction isnt sounding nice or politically correct. There is no smiling, but its all in the name of controlling the situation through "verbal tactics".

http://youtu.be/YpUkIUIRZ5g?t=25s
 
CaptainObvious said:
...However, in a tactical situation you should not be smiling, saying please or thank you. You should use a firm command voice, you should look somewhat serious and sometimes swearing may not be out of the question...
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But one must still decide when things become a "tactical situation." That decision will require some good judgment. Putting on your "war face" too soon will not be helpful.
 
this sounds like business or office etiquette not SD. There is alot to be said about projecting seriousness or strength in the face of potential danger.
 
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FireForged said:
this sounds like business or office etiquette not SD. There is alot to be said about projecting seriousness or strength in the face of danger.
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How do you know when it's "in the face of danger"?
 
the whole premise of this thread is defusing the potential of conflict from a passing stranger. That anyone could be the badguy. I mearly spoke under that same assumption. Face of danger is rather pointed... I will change it to in the face of potential danger.
 
Fireforged is correct about the premise of this thread.

Based on the number of replies decrying pleasantries in 'tactical situations', it seems as though there are title-replies, and skim-replies landing here.

Once a clear threat is identified, you transition away from that first resort. I am actually dumbfounded that a few people seem to think that I suggested smiling AFTER a situation has escalated. This thread is about proactive behaviors, not reactive.
 
A smile and a firm handshake will get you places. Well used to be that way. I try to smile at everyone I encounter.
 
But one must still decide when things become a "tactical situation." That decision will require some good judgment. Putting on your "war face" too soon will not be helpful.
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A professional will treat each encounter as a tactical situation in the interests of safety. Although this may seem silly treating each and every encounter as a tactical situation, it is sage advice. If someone is doing something they are not supposed to do, then you have to let them know in uncertain terms with a firm and serious tone. No asking nicely or smiling. Asking nicely and smiling implies that what you are saying is a suggestion, but talking in a firm and serious tone implies that what you are saying is a command.

For example, on a routine traffic stop the man gets out of his car and walks back to you while you are still in the car. This is a time for a firm and serious voice commanding that man to stay where he is. Even though the man may have the best of intentions trying to come to the officer, he could easily have a weapon on his person and many officers have been killed in this manner. Telling the man nicely to stay where he is and smiling would seem like a suggestion the man might ignore or not understand. He may decide to come to you anyway. However, talking in a firm and serious tone will not be misunderstood.

Swearing is a psychological tool for the professional user which is used in certain situations with certain individuals to bring the situation under control quickly. This tool is used on a case by case basis with discretion. Experienced professionals will know when such situations dictate the so-called potty mouth.

For a non-professional, I do not believe smiling will be effective in a self-defense encounter for obvious reasons. There will be times the non-professional will have to issue commands in a serious and firm tone of voice just like the professional user. Lets say, for example, you are outside on your lawn and there is an angry person just off of your property who is coming quickly to talk to you. It would probably be a good thing if the homeowner retreated to their home, but lets say there is not enough time. Then the homeowner will have to give a command "Do not come on my property!" No pleases, smiles or thank yous.

So a situation to use the command voice is one where an individual is performing an action which will jeopardize your safety.
 
CaptainObvious said:
...If someone is doing something they are not supposed to do, then you have to let them know in uncertain terms with a firm and serious tone....
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What if someone is not doing something he's not supposed to do -- that way most interaction in everyday life is?

CaptainObvious said:
...For example, on a routine traffic stop...
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This isn't necessarily about LEOs. Private citizens don't do traffic stops.

CaptainObvious said:
...For a non-professional, I do not believe smiling will be effective in a self-defense encounter for obvious reasons....
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We're not talking about self defense encounters. Take another look at the OP, and see post 35:
RBid said:
...Based on the number of replies decrying pleasantries in 'tactical situations', it seems as though there are title-replies, and skim-replies landing here.

Once a clear threat is identified, you transition away from that first resort. I am actually dumbfounded that a few people seem to think that I suggested smiling AFTER a situation has escalated. This thread is about proactive behaviors, not reactive.
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Let's stay on topic.
 
Deaf Smith said:
Well one could aways be a Zatoichi.

Deaf
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Oh that made me laugh... But acting blind and foolish only gets you underestimated, not out of the situation.

Physical appearance is never a guarantee of safety, that's just life. A smile, a smirk, an indifferent look, it's all a challenge to someone. Coming from Southern California, the punks in Oregon who think they rule the small town here just amused me, but smiling was never an option against multiple people. A kind gesture can be a sign of submissive action to those who THINK they are dominant. I'm not fond of that. I nod to those who give me a stare, and those who seem less threatening get a smile. It's the way I learned to handle things, your mileage may vary....
 
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