Some people confuse recoil force with recoil speed. The 10mm loads were pushing the gun back into the hand with more ft lbs of energy. The laws of physics are strictly enforced. The lighter 165 gr 40 S&W loads had less recoil, but very likely had more recoil speed.
Some people perceive more recoil speed to be more uncomfortable than actual recoil. You often see rifle shooters compare it to a sharp jab instead of a push. This is really more a mental thing than real. While the push of a slower recoiling gun may seem more comfortable at 1st and for a few rounds many heavy kicking guns are tolerable. After a certain number of rounds the body starts to reach it's limits. The gun with the most actual recoil will eventually prove to hurt more.
that makes sense. That's what makes the 40sw snappier, the recoil speed.