This is a hard one. I've owned the big and small versions of all three.
- XD 45
- XD 45 Tactical
- XD 45 Compact
- XDM 45 Compact
- XDM 45 Fullsize
- M&P 45 FS
- M&P 45 midsize
- M&P 45 Compact
- Gen3 Glock 30
- Gen3 Glock 21
- Gen3 Glock 21SF
- Gen4 Glock 21
Now... given that I have experience with all of them, maybe I'm in a position to make a judgement? Maybe not. Maybe just for my own tastes, but here it goes anyways.
The Absolute top 2 winners in this circle for me are The Gen4 Glock 21 and M&P 45 midsize.
They both fit my hand very well. They both shoot very well. I still own the Gen4 G21 FDE and the M&P 45 mid. I love them both. I think that you intended use may come into play here. The G21 is larger and heavier but carries more rounds. The M&P 45 midsize is almost identical in size to the M&P 9/40 fullsize. I like that better than the 'fullsize' M&P 45 which has the extended slide. The M&P carries 10+1 and is a little thinner than the G21. I love my HK45 as well, but it's also 10+1 and is quite a bit larger than the M&P 45 mid.
I've always shot the G21 well, so no surprise there. I was suprised at how dead on accurate I shot the M&P 45 mid from the very first round I put through the gun. It does have a stiffer recoil than the ultimately soft-shooting G21 does, but that doesn't seem to have any affect on my accuracy or speed. It's excellent. To be fair, I do have an Apex Tactical DCAEK kit + polymer AEK trigger in the M&P.
So which do I prefer? I don't know that I'm able to make a call between the 2. The G21 sits on night stand duty most of the time. It has a Pearce +2 base plate on the mags so it's 15+1 capacity. The M&P 45 is easy to carry. Once they release the Gen4 G30S, I definitely plan on getting that though.
Now, why didn't I like the XD/XDM 45? The fullsize XDM 45 shoots pretty nice. The XDM 45 Compact felt to me like it had an awful lot of felt recoil for a gun as heavy as it was. For it's size, it's pretty weighty. I'm just not really a fan of the XD/XDM style trigger. It's smooth, but there's no 'wall' - it just breaks. That works for some people, but not for me. Yes, I can shoot it decently, but I just don't like the feel of it.
For what it's worth, Larry Vickers considers the M&P 45 to be the second best polymer framed 45 on the market(second only to the HK 45). Not saying I agree with him necessarily... but many people put some value on his opinions.