Wish I could get the wife on board with self defense!

C

ComfortablyNumb

Inactive
Being a Maryland resident all of my life I know there's not much hope of the law makers ever being concerned with their citizen's right to self defense. I will be too old to pull the trigger if and when MD ever lets law abiding citizens be able to CC...

That being said, I always carry my hand gun in and around the home. I have a expandable baton and high powered flashlight when going out for walks in the evening. There's always a weapon either on me or very close at all times.

But the wife just just doesn't like guns in any shape or form and thinks I'm paranoid for my thinking on the matter.. Took her to the range to fire my 9mm and she hated it. She is not interested in learning any self defense plans at all.

I wish there was some way to convince her that bad things don't always happen to "the other guy"... There's a difference from being paranoid and preparred!
 
But the wife just just doesn't like guns in any shape or form and thinks I'm paranoid for my thinking on the matter.. Took her to the range to fire my 9mm and she hated it. She is not interested in learning any self defense plans at all.

I wish there was some way to convince her that bad things don't always happen to "the other guy"... There's a difference from being paranoid and preparred!
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my wife dislikes guns too. the one thing i've learned is that you cannot force someone to 'like' weapons, whether you carry one around for self-defense or shoot paper targets for fun. it's something your significant other has to ease into. maybe if you expressed how important it was to you that she learn self-defense she might change her mind, but don't try and force her to do so.

I dunno. I have to side with your wife on this one. I do think it's a little paranoid to carry in your own house. unless you live in a really crappy part of town there's no need for it imho. now, having a firearm close by, like a handgun in a drawer, is another thing entirely.
 
My wife was on the fence about guns when we first moved in together "Arn't they dangerous". I explained why they are not dangerous, took her shooting. She was still kind of on the fence....

This is a bit extreme but I am an extreme kind of guy. I explained it this way. I am on a business trip and someone breaks into the house, even if you manage to dial 911 what is going to stop someone from sexually assaulting you before the cops get there? The answer is nothing.

Then I played the clip of that infimous case (I think it was this one http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=fc8_1187887010&comments=1 ) where the offender not only sexually assaulted a woman while she was on the phone with 911 but also continued to do so AFTER the cops showed up, the police literally had to PULL this guy off of the woman.

Thats about as deep and personal as it gets in regards to a womans reason to own a firearm.

If your wife still doesn't like or even want to see a gun after than nothing you do is going to make her see the light. Best not to press the issue and cause relationship issues over it.


I have a expandable baton and high powered flashlight when going out for walks in the evening.
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LUCKY guy! Here in Illinois it is a little nebulous if you can carry a baton of any sorts for self defense. The general consensus is you are not breaking the law but that the language is so muddled that you could in theory be charged and thus have your life ruined.
 
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I explained it this way. I am on a business trip and someone breaks into the house, even if you manage to dial 911 what is going to stop someone from sexually assaulting you before the cops get there?
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In my experience, that type of argument doesn't work well. It's not that it isn't true; it's just that I've seen it fail.

Learning to shoot, particularly as an adult, is hard. The learning curve is sharp. If practice is motivated by fear, it's not as effective as if it were motivated by simple desire for improvement. If the shooter feels that they're pressured, they won't want to practice, and their proficiency under real stress will be nil.
 
In my experience, that type of argument doesn't work well. It's not that it isn't true; it's just that I've seen it fail.

Learning to shoot, particularly as an adult, is hard. The learning curve is sharp. If practice is motivated by fear, it's not as effective as if it were motivated by simple desire for improvement. If the shooter feels that they're pressured, they won't want to practice, and their proficiency under real stress will be nil.
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I got her out of fear and into empowerment mode though, that’s the key. To know she has the capacity to defend herself when I am not around. That she is not dependant on anyone to defend herself in our home.
My wife admits now that she is somewhat proficient in the use of a firearm and even has her own handgun she feels much more comfortable when I am out of town. It is still a work in progress but IMO every single shooter is a work in progress.

Our next steps are going to be taking some defensive pistol/rifle classes together. Shooting has really grown into something we enjoy doing together; it is something I am glad I can share with my wife for a multitude of reasons.

I agree fear as the ONLY tool is not always the best approach but it all depends on knowing who you are dealing with. Obviously if your significant other had such a trauma when they were younger or a close friend who did my method is probably NOT the best idea. Some women simply havn't ever thought about the facts in that context.
It takes X seconds for someone to get from the front door to your bedroom and attack you, It takes Y seconds for the cops to get there on a good day.Y is almost always a minimum of 4-10 times a longer period of time than X.

In my case I figured correctly that it was the last little push needed to get my wife off the fence. She simply had never thought of things in those terms.

Someone else mentioned the cornered cat website, EXCELLENT website for all shooters. Especially women! Sent the link to my wife about a month ago and she reads it all the time now.
 
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My wife isn't anti-gun. Her dad is a hunter. She knows how to shoot. She has a revolver of her own.

But... she has no interest in concealed carrying.

There have been a couple times when she told me she was happy I had been carrying; she has had fellow students and co-workers who do concealed carry (she's an RN).

She just doesn't want to have to make the shoot - don't shoot decision.

We'll see if that changes when she has a child to protect, but it just might not. And it's not a decision I can make for her, or a habit I can make her adopt.

Not everybody feels comfortable with carrying. (For that matter, most people who have permits don't carry very often.)

Edit: It's not just carrying. I can't get her interested in martial arts training, either. And my main two hobbies are shooting and aikido....
 
She just doesn't want to have to make the shoot - don't shoot decision.
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My father is more of a rifle guy, He grew up hunting, shooting, etc in upstate NY. He is finally thinking of getting some handguns but does not wan't to CC(Lucky him, he could be an Indian Resident tomorrow) for the same reason. That reason for no CCing is more common than you would think amongst the shooting community.
 
I dunno. I have to side with your wife on this one. I do think it's a little paranoid to carry in your own house. unless you live in a really crappy part of town there's no need for it imho. now, having a firearm close by, like a handgun in a drawer, is another thing entirely.


Don't live in a crappy part of town but it is )Prince Georges County)
Wife doesn't like finding my gun laying around the house so I figured just carry it.


As for batons, The MD states attorney told me as per the law: as long as it's not concealed and carry it for protection it's legal.. Although most LEO's are not too up on each law. I carry a copy of the law in my wallet, just in case.
 
gaseousclay, here are some reasons why I carry in the home, and think your drawer idea is not so good:

1) gun in a drawer is only accessible if you are near the drawer; not so good if something bad happens when you are not near the drawer; OTOH, gun in holster or pocket is accessible in any location.

2) gun in a drawer is accessible to others, to include kids or intruders; gun in holster or pocket is not so easily accessible to others.

3) it's easier to stay in the habit of carrying when one goes out, if one is simply used to carrying, period; if home is an ok place to not carry, then mentally it is quite possible (even likely) that more and more other places become ok to not carry. This would be great, if only bad people would not go to nice places.

4) if you think a gun in a drawer (IE available) is a good idea, then why is it paranoid to have that same gun in a pocket or holster?
 
gaseousclay, here are some reasons why I carry in the home, and think your drawer idea is not so good:

1) gun in a drawer is only accessible if you are near the drawer; not so good if something bad happens when you are not near the drawer; OTOH, gun in holster or pocket is accessible in any location.

2) gun in a drawer is accessible to others, to include kids or intruders; gun in holster or pocket is not so easily accessible to others.

3) it's easier to stay in the habit of carrying when one goes out, if one is simply used to carrying, period; if home is an ok place to not carry, then mentally it is quite possible (even likely) that more and more other places become ok to not carry. This would be great, if only bad people would not go to nice places.

4) if you think a gun in a drawer (IE available) is a good idea, then why is it paranoid to have that same gun in a pocket or holster?
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you're right. the gun in the drawer idea is a bad one, I merely posed this as an alternative to carrying a gun in a holster since the OP's wife thought it was paranoid to do so. of course, I should've prefaced my response with the requisite safety precautions, such as making sure kids, guests or other individuals do not have access to your firearm.

I guess i've been lucky my whole life. I've never been mugged or assaulted in such a way that made me want to go out and buy a handgun, and i've lived in some pretty crappy areas of town. I also currently live in a low-crime neighborhood now, so the likelihood of a break-in is remote. I still have my rifles in the house so i'm not completely defenseless, but I don't feel the need to buy a sidearm, yet.
 
Sometimes the easiest route from point A to point B is to go through points C, D and E.

Instead of trying to get your wife to jump directly from no defense to packin in the house, take her out to the range, help her enjoy shooting without having to be practicing self defense. Talk to her about taking a women's self defense class with no weapons involved. None of us can do a 180 degree change overnight.

Take a look at the big ships, it takes them several miles to do a 180 degree turn.
 
It makes me glad to know that My Fiance is perfectly fine with my guns. In fact, she likes them and wants to learn and carry latter on~

She started as a 'I don't know about guns, but the media hates them so I will too.' and now she's a nut like us.

Brings a tear to my eye.
 
My wife isn't interested in CCW either despite several people suggesting she get her license. I don't push her and have asked several times if she would like to shoot and again, she isn't interested. I'm my opinion, there isn't much more I can do. She is comfortable with what she is comfortable with.

It should be noted though, that she does now carry pepper spray. It's not a gun, but at least she is thinking about self defense. Perhaps you start with some thing like that.
 
i am so happy my wife loves guns, she even encourages me to "buy another one", when we took our CCW class, upon her shooting her .38 S&W 5 shot revolver, that was once my mothers, a lead fragment sheared off at the forcing cone and hit me on the side of my nose, THAT, is when she said i want a pistol, i bought her a SIG P226, 9mm. it is her constant companion when i am away from home.

a great site, corneredcat.com
 
My wife had a hard time with firearms as well when we had only been dating for a little while. You know, gave me the whole "guns are used for only one thing" spiel. Over time, not only has she been more accustomed to them, she now has her own pistol and CCWs regularly. She even bought me my own carry piece (:D I bought hers though, so it was a good trade). If anything, SHE's the paranoid one. She just doesn't like feeling helpless; I think the thing that motivated her to be proactive is she has a few friends and cousins that couldn't protect themselves out of a wet paper bag, so she feels good about that.

Plus it's fun to tell your friends that she's pretty good with the 12-gauge, and just adores slug rounds! :rolleyes:
 
Have her check out the "Cornered Cat" website. Some things need to be explained to a woman by another woman. My wife was not willing to carry when we were first married although she knew how to shoot very well. One night on a business trip to Chicago some creep tried to get into her hotel room (big name hotel on the lakefront). It scared her pretty good. When she came home she immediately wanted a carry gun and some instructions on deadly force. Most women don't want to even think about what might happen to them when they're alone. Once they do though they "get it".
 
I dunno. I have to side with your wife on this one. I do think it's a little paranoid to carry in your own house. unless you live in a really crappy part of town there's no need for it imho. now, having a firearm close by, like a handgun in a drawer, is another thing entirely.
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Look up the Petit family for living in a nice part of town. Also, do you want to race the bad guys to your gun.

It is very hard to convince someone rationally to accept tools of extreme violence - they may be emotionally against it. Sometimes an emotional appeal works. Basic psych.
 
I'm 29 and divorced and in my dating that's kind of a test I put girls through, taking them shooting with me. It's not exactly a requirement that they like guns but I consider it fairy important as it is a big part of my lifestyle. They need to be tolerant at least, current girlfriend loved shooting my m&P9 and mini14 the other day, YAY!

Sent from my Verizon Galaxy S III using Tapatalk 2
 
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