since on other forums I've had to defend my position from outright mockery
With that in mind I'd use the 45. It has less penetration than my 357 would. BUT - it is amazing how far a 45 ACP, 230 gr round nose, full metal jacket bullet will go in an urban situation. Don't ask.
Since we are talking home defense, that boils down to which round I would rather shoot without hearing protection. In that case the .45 ACP wins hands down.
I shot a .357 without hearing protection once, in 1996, and my left ear hasn't stopped ringing since.
Shooting a .45 indoors with no hearing protection wouldn't be a treat either, but in my opinion, a .357 fired indoors would almost qualify as a stun grenade.