When Karaoke Machines Attack

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Wildalaska

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So there you are at home, ccw in your bedroom, you are havin a cold one, watching Man U vs Arsenal and munchin fritos together with foie gras when all of a sudden a crazed man bursts through the window and begins beating you with a karaoke machine.

What do you grab??

WildiknowtheanswerseebelowAlaska TM

Police: Intruder wields karaoke machine, bites off man's ear

Associated Press - October 12, 2007 11:33 PM ET

UNIONDALE, N.Y. (AP) - Police in Uniondale, New York, say a crazed man broke into a home, attacked the owner, beat him with a karaoke machine and bit off his ear.

A Nassau County police spokeswoman says doctors were not able to reattach the victim's ear but his injuries were not life threatening. The resident attempted to defend himself with a vacuum cleaner hose.

Police say the attacker then crouched in the hallway until police arrived. A police official says the attack appeared to be random and that the suspect's behavior suggested drug use.
 
"...the suspect's behavior suggested drug use."

Ya think?

There will follow, no doubt, a discussion of whether a 9 mil is sufficient to penetrate a karaoke machine. By the way, what's karaoke machine?
 
the suspect's behavior suggested drug use.
Click to expand...

I love the understatement you see the police use in stories like this.

And a vacuum cleaner hose? I'm not even sure how you would use that to defend yourself...should have used the whole vacuum.
 
"...the suspect's behavior suggested drug use."

Ya think?

There will follow, no doubt, a discussion of whether a 9 mil is sufficient to penetrate a karaoke machine. By the way, what's karaoke machine?
Click to expand...

**** I hope so. I'd hate to see the crazy bastard that does stuff like that sober.


A karaoke machine is like a stereo, but it has an output that connects to the TV, and a microphone input. It plays the song while you sing along, and shows the words on the TV screen for people who don't know the lyrics.

As Nicholas Cage says in "The Rock",
"Its one of those things we wish we could disinvent"
 
My wife's friend has a karaoke video game, and at a party last year I saw someone sing "Bohemian Rhapsody". I will cut off my own ear and give it to you if you can take that memory away.
 
Probably used one of those small-diameter hoses that don't have any stopping power....if he'd used a .45" diameter hose, he'd have taken the druggie's arm off with one shot.... :cool:

Thanks to this, we'll all have to show President Guiliani a "need" to own a Dyson.... :rolleyes:

seekerjustfunnin'ya,WAtwo
 
On a serious note, it points out how attacks can come from unlikely sources. I worked as a teacher at a school for "at risk" teens. If you haven't seen it, you would be amazed at how fast a paper weight can be grabbed and hurled with enough force to go through a window. Many years ago I saw a guy (who didn't know when to shut up) catch the cue ball from a pool table square in the teeth. It happened in an instant.
Think about your home. I'm looking at my woodstove - I'd hate to meet the guy who could pick that up, but what about the fireplace tools next to it? Or one of the logs stacked beside it? I see a 16X24 coffee table with a slate surface (built it myself). Light enough to pick up, heavy enough to hurt. Yikes! Don't throw my computer monitor! There's my wife's statuette of a hobo boy eating a watermelon. Okay, PLEASE DO throw that.
This does point out that just because they don't enter with a weapon doesn't mean they don't have access to one.
How ironic it would be to be hit with something I have such a natural disdain for. Karaoke! :barf:
 
Oh know, a string of "which gun to fight off the karaoke machine" threads are sure to spring to life...

Groan.
 
Being struck with an appliance and the unauthorized ear nibbling does not always present a prima facie justification for use of deadly force unless the resident can meet and articulate the reasonable and prudent person standard demonstrating fear of grave bodily injury or death.

Said articulation may have to withstand the attack of a Janet Reno type of prosecutor.

If Evander Holyfield had torn off his glove and somehow produced a handgun and shot Mike Tyson for the ear bite I can't see him getting off on self defense.

It would have scared me pretty badly and there is better defensive gear in my bedroom than the vacum hose, as I imagine is the case with most of us here.

Since I am a big fat guy with some wrestling, a little kickboxing and lots of documented scraps in the security biz, I am really really glad this did not happen to me.
 
Karaoke Threat

"Give me all your money or I start singing Milli Vanilli and Vanilla Ice!"

Surely that would be justification for self-defense! The Geneva Convention outlawed cruel and unusual punishment, so a person would be justified to use deadly force against deadly force. :cool: If the intruder just threatened to hum a few bars, the issue gets a little clouded. The appeaser crowd would say we should just offer him some mustard and relish, let him eat our ear, and let him go. After all, we do not the man's background and we cannot judge him for his choice of cuisine. Instead, we should try to understand his pain. Perhaps we should bring out some Bee Gees albums or The Village People and sing along.

The poor victim had no chance - everyone knows those plastic weapons are worthless; you need good ol' American steel!

It just goes to show that we need to train for any and every situation. Someone needs to start a thread on why every CCW holder needs to carry hearing protection beside their vacuum cleaner hose on their hip. And which nozzle would be best to stop an invasion: the floor attachment, the flat, narrow attachment, or the attachment with the soft brush at the end (probably the best to avoid a lawsuit). And we need to train, train, train...

Wait! Is this some sick plot by wives to get their husbands to do the vacuuming around the house?!?! "Honey, could you practice your Mozambique drills around the baseboards?" :eek:

I need to go make some additions to my bug out bag.

Jim
 
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