What to Recommend for My Dad

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d in too fast with caliber and gun selection. He just needs more experience with handguns before going to this caliber, and he may never be comfortable with it, who knows.

I agree, if money weren't a problem I'd tell him to just get a 9mm 1911 and keep the .45 ACP. But my parents are empty nesters trying to pay off their debt and take nice vacations every year so the gun budget is slim for them. Thankfully my mom went the easy route and got a Glock 19.
 
Commander-style 1911s don't really have much recoil, so if your dad is literally afraid of it, then getting something like an all-steel 9mm would be a good idea.
Anticipating recoil and flinches can contribute to malfunctions, so having someone shoot it who's not afraid of it might be a good idea, at least to determine if the gun runs properly when held properly.
I'm not a fan of 9mm 1911s, but if your dad likes the SA trigger and ergonomics, a Springfield Range Officer, which is available both in full-size and compact versions, might be a good choice.
Hi-Powers are good guns, most people find them "just right" in terms of the frame shape and size, but the triggers tend to not be very good, at least in comparison to an equally mill-run 1911.
 
I think lightweight, alloy frame Commanders have pretty dang stout recoil. I'm not particularly recoil averse, I made good hits with his gun even if I didn't prefer the stoutness of the recoil. I think he just made a few inferences that led him in the wrong direction and didn't put all the pieces together (despite my advice) when he made his selection.

Something like: I want a 1911--> 1911s should be .45 ACP--> I want a 1911 I can carry--> This Kimber Pro Carry II is light, easy to carry, and in my budget--> Sold!---> Oh wait, I can't get it to run reliably and it kicks like a mule because I didn't consider that weight soaks up recoil (despite being advised).

Now that he's put some rounds through a heavy 9mm I think he's seen the light, it's just a matter of which heavy 9mm. I've never shot an alloy framed 9mm 1911, how comparable will a 29oz 1911 be to a Glock 19? edit Recoil and muzzle flip wise?
 
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Another vote for a browning hi power. Ive got Dan Wessons in 9 and 45 and while id probably prefer them, if he doesnt like that route id have him consider the BHP, would be a close second choice for mw...



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Now that he's put some rounds through a heavy 9mm I think he's seen the light, it's just a matter of which heavy 9mm. I've never shot an alloy framed 9mm 1911, how comparable will a 29oz 1911 be to a Glock 19? edit Recoil and muzzle flip wise?

If you equate overall weight with recoil, then a 29oz pistol should recoil considerably less than one weighing ten ounces less.
I tend to think of recoil relative to its effects, rather than just as a matter of quantity.
A gun that shoots flat, with little muzzle flip or muzzle dip recoils "less" than one with more flip and dip.
A high grip and low bore axis can make more difference in recoil effects than will weight.
Recoil is often characterized as "soft", "sharp", "push", "snap", etc., and I'll take sharp and snap if it gets me more quickly back on target.
 
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