SavageSniper
New member
Very, very funny one-shot. Copied, pasted and sent to my whole address book!!
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Vicious Attack Killer Squirrels...
- Thread starter Josh Smith
- Start date
Wolf Lies Down
New member
It was the squirrels! Really!!
--
-Back in the late 1700s - early 1800s, the Russians were trading with the Indians and Mexicans out here in California. There is, in the maritime archives in Moscow, the original ship's manifest for the Russian ship GOTCHUNOV, which sailed in 1803 with a destination of what would later become San Francisco Bay. The ship made several more stops down the coast of California, including San Simeon, Avila, Santa Barbara, San Buena Ventura, Los Angeles and San Diego.
The manifest from this particular voyage of the GOTCHUNOV'S was especially revealing in that an unusual addendum thereto was a brief report in the hand of the ship's captain, Antonoly Gimebrakov. For this particular voyage in 1803, the main cargo of the GOTCHUNOV was approximately 130,000 examples of the vicious Russian squirrel, which represented the captured overpopulation of the species from various public areas in Moscow. The Crown had mobilized a crack regiment of Russian soldiers to work capturing the squirrels alive after they had pulled down, ravaged and consumed several elderly Muscovites and almost a dozen school children. Gemebrakov explains that the Czar's wife, Czarina Dumschitzkov, and her entourage considered the squirrels "cute" and "darling" and had decided that the squirrels must be protected. It was ordered that, rather than killing the overpopulation of these vicious squirrels in Russia, they would be captured alive and exported secretly to other lands. The GOTCHUNOV sailed with its hold and crew quarters modified to accept the specially built cages and several tons of Russian acorns and grain; food for the unlikely passengers. Ten squirrel wranglers, to feed and care for the squirrels, were on board. An envoy of the crown was also on board the GOTCHUNOV to monitor the well being of the squirrels, oversee their care and release, and to prepare a report for the Crown upon the GOTCHUNOV's return to its Russian homeport. The limited deck space on the GOTCHUNOV served as storage for trade goods and crew quarters on the outbound voyage.
Soon after reaching California waters, the GOTCHUNOV put in at secluded coves in Spanish California near its scheduled stops of San Francisco, San Simeon, Avila, Santa Barbara, San Buena Ventura, Los Angeles and San Diego where, at each stop, some 20,000+ of the creatures were put ashore. During the process of freeing the squirrels, the GOTCHUNOV suffered thirteen crewmember casualties. Eight crewmen ("all good men", as stated in Gimebrakov's report) were killed, torn to shreds and devoured by the squirrels. Five other crewmembers suffered serious injuries, but were not killed.
The deed was done. In the period between 1803 and 1875 the squirrels were directly responsible for the decimation and extinction of no fewer than twelve American Indian tribes in California and many of California's indigenous animals.
The squirrels found a natural paradise in California and adapted readily to California's balmy climate and the huge abundance of food in the form of acorns from the California Scrub Oak, which California was virtually forested with at that time. With no natural enemies, the squirrel population soared exponentially. The aggressive squirrels soon decimated the deer, Tule elk, mountain lion and even the once-abundant grizzly bear population in California. Other animal species suffering virtual extinction in California at the paws of this predatory creature were various hawk species, the California Blue Eagle, the large California Dire Wolf, The California Wild Turkey, a little-known marsupial, related directly to the kangaroo and called the California Leaping Snipe, and of course, the great California Condor. These unique animals (and others) are either gone forever or live in small population groups. The Dire Wolf is gone, the Leaping Snipe is gone, the California Blue Eagle is gone, the grizzly bear is gone from California, the few Tule Elk that are left live on a preserve near Bakersfield, California, and today, the California Condor numbers fewer than 100 in the wild. Hawks, deer and wild turkey have made a recovery, albeit not to their former population levels. Interestingly, the deer in California, although recovering well from near extinction, came back as a smaller-in-stature species compared to their counterparts in areas to the east of California. Researchers reckon this was an amazing "overnight" evolutionary survival tactic brought on by the threat of the squirrels. The smaller-stature deer requires fewer resources to exist, and were able to more quickly evade the pack-attack methods of the vicious squirrels and can hide easier. Recent studies of the deer show that their scent is different than their cousins to the east, perhaps making the California deer less attractive to the palate of the squirrels.
More importantly, anthropological and archeological research beginning around the turn of the twentieth century revealed evidence pointing to the fact that the virtual disappearance of native Indian populations in California, once thought to be due to the encroachment of the white man, were instead directly attributable to the squirrels. Huge numbers of Indian hunters never returned home from the hunt. The squirrels took young Indian children right out of camp and from under the noses of their parents. Infants simply vanished from their lodges; killed silently and carried off in the night by the squirrels. Water supplies were soiled beyond use and food and other resources that the Indian relied upon were severely reduced by the direct or indirect activities of the squirrels.
In the late 1850s a terrible draught, lasting almost ten years, struck California. The "modern", civilized economy of California at the time was actually fairly primitive, consisting almost entirely of huge Spanish Land Grants and the Catholic Church. Spanish Dons controlled huge parcels of land and owned many thousands of the scrawny, long-horned type cattle of that time. The main commodities generated by these huge ranchos were hides and tallow. Meat from the slaughter of cattle was left out in the sun where the squirrels ferociously devoured it, leaving scarcely the bones. However, with the draught (which ultimately doomed the huge rancho and its almost medieval lord/serf society in California), the Mexican Dons began to cut down the native oaks (which take many decades to mature), hoping the meager foliage might allow the starving and thirsty herds to survive until the draught was over. This desperate tactic of course failed and left huge areas of previously forested land barren, eliminating the acorns and the shelter that the squirrels enjoyed. However where the cattle died off and the land grants were pieced-out and sold, the readily adaptable squirrels performed an amazing evolutionary shift within only a few years, becoming burrowing animals and transforming into what we know today as the California Ground Squirrel. Although the physical appearance of the squirrel has changed from its Russian ancestors, the underlying evil, vicious and ferocious nature of the squirrel has not. The only remaining colony of the original Russian squirrels is in the San Francisco Bay area's Golden Gate Park, where certain immigrant populations (Southeast Asia, Kentucky and Tennessee) keep them in check.
In the case of the extinction of California's native population, one particular case in point is the plight of Ishi, the last living member of the of California's now-extinct Yana Indian culture, specifically the Yahi tribe. The Yana culture was a peace-loving people with a deep respect for the land, as well as well as for the creatures that inhabited it. The Yana and its various tribal subcultures had always been careful to preserve the land while effectively living off it. The squirrels changed all that within a few short years and the Indians were never able to effectively adapt. In Ishi's case, the tiny remnants of his tribe, the Yahi, spent most of its time hiding from the squirrels by staying downwind, living discreetly and quietly, staying off main trails, covering their scent trails and living in fear of discovery. Even this ghost-like existence was not enough. When the rest of his tribe succumbed to attacks by the squirrels, leaving Ishi the lone survivor of his culture, his loneliness and fear were unbearable. But Ishi was a wise man and a survivor, and he had learned that not all animals or men were evil, like the squirrels. Around 1911, Ishi was found in the hills of California and rescued by scholars (and their protective military escort) doing archeological and anthropological research into the puzzle of the disappearance of the Yana culture. Ishi lived out the remainder of his life safely on the campus of a California university, where he was able to enlighten scholars regarding his culture and their day-to-day struggle for survival against the squirrels.
Many scholarly papers and books were written about Ishi. One book is:
Ishi, the Last of His Tribe
by: Theodora Kroeber
Where the white man moved west, the squirrels moved east. Today, Anthropologists, Archeologists, Biological Historians and others are tentatively proposing the theory that the Great Plains buffalo herds were not put to extinction (near extinction) by the white man, but by the squirrels. This controversial theory has gained solid support in the scientific community based on preliminary findings.
Meanwhile, in California, the fight goes on between man and beast. Today, in 2007, nothing does a Californiano's heart more good than to hear the solid thwack and to see one of these vermin explode into mist under the impact of a with a .17HMR.
It's all true....HONEST!
Wolf Lies Down
--
-Back in the late 1700s - early 1800s, the Russians were trading with the Indians and Mexicans out here in California. There is, in the maritime archives in Moscow, the original ship's manifest for the Russian ship GOTCHUNOV, which sailed in 1803 with a destination of what would later become San Francisco Bay. The ship made several more stops down the coast of California, including San Simeon, Avila, Santa Barbara, San Buena Ventura, Los Angeles and San Diego.
The manifest from this particular voyage of the GOTCHUNOV'S was especially revealing in that an unusual addendum thereto was a brief report in the hand of the ship's captain, Antonoly Gimebrakov. For this particular voyage in 1803, the main cargo of the GOTCHUNOV was approximately 130,000 examples of the vicious Russian squirrel, which represented the captured overpopulation of the species from various public areas in Moscow. The Crown had mobilized a crack regiment of Russian soldiers to work capturing the squirrels alive after they had pulled down, ravaged and consumed several elderly Muscovites and almost a dozen school children. Gemebrakov explains that the Czar's wife, Czarina Dumschitzkov, and her entourage considered the squirrels "cute" and "darling" and had decided that the squirrels must be protected. It was ordered that, rather than killing the overpopulation of these vicious squirrels in Russia, they would be captured alive and exported secretly to other lands. The GOTCHUNOV sailed with its hold and crew quarters modified to accept the specially built cages and several tons of Russian acorns and grain; food for the unlikely passengers. Ten squirrel wranglers, to feed and care for the squirrels, were on board. An envoy of the crown was also on board the GOTCHUNOV to monitor the well being of the squirrels, oversee their care and release, and to prepare a report for the Crown upon the GOTCHUNOV's return to its Russian homeport. The limited deck space on the GOTCHUNOV served as storage for trade goods and crew quarters on the outbound voyage.
Soon after reaching California waters, the GOTCHUNOV put in at secluded coves in Spanish California near its scheduled stops of San Francisco, San Simeon, Avila, Santa Barbara, San Buena Ventura, Los Angeles and San Diego where, at each stop, some 20,000+ of the creatures were put ashore. During the process of freeing the squirrels, the GOTCHUNOV suffered thirteen crewmember casualties. Eight crewmen ("all good men", as stated in Gimebrakov's report) were killed, torn to shreds and devoured by the squirrels. Five other crewmembers suffered serious injuries, but were not killed.
The deed was done. In the period between 1803 and 1875 the squirrels were directly responsible for the decimation and extinction of no fewer than twelve American Indian tribes in California and many of California's indigenous animals.
The squirrels found a natural paradise in California and adapted readily to California's balmy climate and the huge abundance of food in the form of acorns from the California Scrub Oak, which California was virtually forested with at that time. With no natural enemies, the squirrel population soared exponentially. The aggressive squirrels soon decimated the deer, Tule elk, mountain lion and even the once-abundant grizzly bear population in California. Other animal species suffering virtual extinction in California at the paws of this predatory creature were various hawk species, the California Blue Eagle, the large California Dire Wolf, The California Wild Turkey, a little-known marsupial, related directly to the kangaroo and called the California Leaping Snipe, and of course, the great California Condor. These unique animals (and others) are either gone forever or live in small population groups. The Dire Wolf is gone, the Leaping Snipe is gone, the California Blue Eagle is gone, the grizzly bear is gone from California, the few Tule Elk that are left live on a preserve near Bakersfield, California, and today, the California Condor numbers fewer than 100 in the wild. Hawks, deer and wild turkey have made a recovery, albeit not to their former population levels. Interestingly, the deer in California, although recovering well from near extinction, came back as a smaller-in-stature species compared to their counterparts in areas to the east of California. Researchers reckon this was an amazing "overnight" evolutionary survival tactic brought on by the threat of the squirrels. The smaller-stature deer requires fewer resources to exist, and were able to more quickly evade the pack-attack methods of the vicious squirrels and can hide easier. Recent studies of the deer show that their scent is different than their cousins to the east, perhaps making the California deer less attractive to the palate of the squirrels.
More importantly, anthropological and archeological research beginning around the turn of the twentieth century revealed evidence pointing to the fact that the virtual disappearance of native Indian populations in California, once thought to be due to the encroachment of the white man, were instead directly attributable to the squirrels. Huge numbers of Indian hunters never returned home from the hunt. The squirrels took young Indian children right out of camp and from under the noses of their parents. Infants simply vanished from their lodges; killed silently and carried off in the night by the squirrels. Water supplies were soiled beyond use and food and other resources that the Indian relied upon were severely reduced by the direct or indirect activities of the squirrels.
In the late 1850s a terrible draught, lasting almost ten years, struck California. The "modern", civilized economy of California at the time was actually fairly primitive, consisting almost entirely of huge Spanish Land Grants and the Catholic Church. Spanish Dons controlled huge parcels of land and owned many thousands of the scrawny, long-horned type cattle of that time. The main commodities generated by these huge ranchos were hides and tallow. Meat from the slaughter of cattle was left out in the sun where the squirrels ferociously devoured it, leaving scarcely the bones. However, with the draught (which ultimately doomed the huge rancho and its almost medieval lord/serf society in California), the Mexican Dons began to cut down the native oaks (which take many decades to mature), hoping the meager foliage might allow the starving and thirsty herds to survive until the draught was over. This desperate tactic of course failed and left huge areas of previously forested land barren, eliminating the acorns and the shelter that the squirrels enjoyed. However where the cattle died off and the land grants were pieced-out and sold, the readily adaptable squirrels performed an amazing evolutionary shift within only a few years, becoming burrowing animals and transforming into what we know today as the California Ground Squirrel. Although the physical appearance of the squirrel has changed from its Russian ancestors, the underlying evil, vicious and ferocious nature of the squirrel has not. The only remaining colony of the original Russian squirrels is in the San Francisco Bay area's Golden Gate Park, where certain immigrant populations (Southeast Asia, Kentucky and Tennessee) keep them in check.
In the case of the extinction of California's native population, one particular case in point is the plight of Ishi, the last living member of the of California's now-extinct Yana Indian culture, specifically the Yahi tribe. The Yana culture was a peace-loving people with a deep respect for the land, as well as well as for the creatures that inhabited it. The Yana and its various tribal subcultures had always been careful to preserve the land while effectively living off it. The squirrels changed all that within a few short years and the Indians were never able to effectively adapt. In Ishi's case, the tiny remnants of his tribe, the Yahi, spent most of its time hiding from the squirrels by staying downwind, living discreetly and quietly, staying off main trails, covering their scent trails and living in fear of discovery. Even this ghost-like existence was not enough. When the rest of his tribe succumbed to attacks by the squirrels, leaving Ishi the lone survivor of his culture, his loneliness and fear were unbearable. But Ishi was a wise man and a survivor, and he had learned that not all animals or men were evil, like the squirrels. Around 1911, Ishi was found in the hills of California and rescued by scholars (and their protective military escort) doing archeological and anthropological research into the puzzle of the disappearance of the Yana culture. Ishi lived out the remainder of his life safely on the campus of a California university, where he was able to enlighten scholars regarding his culture and their day-to-day struggle for survival against the squirrels.
Many scholarly papers and books were written about Ishi. One book is:
Ishi, the Last of His Tribe
by: Theodora Kroeber
Where the white man moved west, the squirrels moved east. Today, Anthropologists, Archeologists, Biological Historians and others are tentatively proposing the theory that the Great Plains buffalo herds were not put to extinction (near extinction) by the white man, but by the squirrels. This controversial theory has gained solid support in the scientific community based on preliminary findings.
Meanwhile, in California, the fight goes on between man and beast. Today, in 2007, nothing does a Californiano's heart more good than to hear the solid thwack and to see one of these vermin explode into mist under the impact of a with a .17HMR.
It's all true....HONEST!
Wolf Lies Down