The "Yahoo" factor (humor)

C

Chad Young

New member
You know who they are - they show up at every range. My buddies and I call them the "yahoo factor." You know, the strange genetic mutants that seem drawn to gun ranges for the sole purpose of shedding a bad light on the 99% of gunowners who are oridinary, law-abiding, safe folks.

My shooting crew decided to break them down into a few categories. I submit them here for your approval:

1. G.I. Joke - aka, Ranger Boy, Wannabe Seal, etc. These guys show up in black BDUs with the latest in amazing high-tech gear. Guns are covered in every latest "assault" device. Lasers, flamethrowers, poison darts, you name it, they have it. Attempts to converse with them degrade into long discussions on government conspiracies and the latest heat-seaking, armour-piercing, hollow-point, nuclear-tipped, tactical handloads in their custom Blammomatic 6000 series. Good news is they are usually safe on the range, just a little over the top.

2. Gansta Guys (and Gals) - These folks can easily be spotted by their cheap guns and expensive clothes. They pay no heed to range safety or courtesy. They spray ammo as fast as they can into anything standing they can make into a target. In our area, these tend to be 18-21 year old upper-middle-class white kids with the requisite 'Ho' tagging along. Shooting the guns sideways is a dead giveaway. The only good news is that they NEVER pick up their brass.

3. Good Ole Boy - "Red Neck", "Mr. Neck", "Bubba." If you think Alchohol, Tobacco, and Firearms is a good idea and not a despised government agency, you may be a Good Ole Boy. Usually characterized by the following: drives a rolling tetanus shot of a pickup, either a lever action .30-30 or a bolt-action .30-06 rifle, cooler of beer. Range time usually consists of nailing a paper plate up at 25 yards and then putting five holes roughly centered on the plate while draining one beer between rounds. At this point the rifle is declared to be sighted in and the individual goes off hunting. These folks usually follow range safety protocols, but sometimes can be seen 20 feet downrange hollering "Cold Range?" Avoid these folks.

4. Sharky - "Brass Shark", "Brass Ho." These are rare and only occasionally seen. These are old, old, male hominids who subsist on a diet of discarded brass shell casings. These can be seen browsing ranges at any time, but usually seen in the evenings. They are never actually seen shooting a gun, just collecting brass into what have to be huge underground caches of brass.

Any other types you have run into?
 
"Mr. Oldtimer"
Usually with some odd rifle slowly hitting the same hole and finishing range time with a self-deprecating "Mah eye ait's so good no more..." as they pick up their twenty empties and leave the target with one ragged hole in it hanging.

"Caring Pimp"
Real 50-something guy I saw teaching a "ho" to shoot. They started with .22s and progressed to various 44mag/45acp guns by end of the evening. I thought they were gramps and granddaughter but was clued in by others as to the real state of events. This guy brings a new Miss Expensive to shoot every week or so. Good for them.

"Laser Commandos"
They shine the target with a very wobbly red dot so the bystanders can see thie bullets landing two feet from point of aim. Shooting *fast* to compensatte for poor aim.

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Oleg "peacemonger" Volk

http://dd-b.net/RKBA
 
Chad:
How true. However, it is nice to be able to stand next to someone at the range who is a serious shooter. It happens occasionally.

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It is the people who are prisoners of their own ignorance about firearms that pose the greatest threat to our 2nd Amendment Rights.
 
It's funny to watch the G.I. Jokes! You know they've never packed a ruck sack on a 25 mile hump. Yet they parade around the range like some bad-assed hardcharger.

It's the quite ones, the guys who keep to themselves on the range who are the "real deal".
 
the "Kalashnikov Kid" who moves to your left, then sprays you with hot brass shooting at rocks while you're trying to shoot at a target for accuracy with your 1911.

Or wait, that isn't one of you guys, is it? ;)

[This message has been edited by Ledbetter (edited May 04, 2000).]
 
"[Idiot] Advice Monger"

Frequency: at least 1 per range session

Characterized by combination of total ignorance of everything firearms with a need to give unsolicited advice. Actually overheard:

"10mm Winchester Silvertips? Why not use a real MAN'S caliber, like .38 Special +P? It's the deadliest hangun ammo in the world!"
[Can 300 extra foot-pounds be all THAT wrong???]

"Glock 35, huh? Why carry a cheap plastic gun when you can own something reliable?" [as he attempted to fire a Llama .45 that slowly came to pieces...]

"You should learn to reload like I do..." *pow* *pow* *BOOOOOOOM* "So much for that new Steyr M40" :o [Can I learn to reload like SOMEONE ELSE instead?]

C.B.
 
How bout this one,

The one who tells me that a .22LR is better than a .38 Special. I had only one remark to tell her, "You keep on beliving that, if of course you don't want to live".



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Trespassers Will Be Shot
Survivors Will Be Shot Again
 
Here in Illinois, we can't hunt deer with high-power rifles, only slug guns.

People like to bring their slug guns to the range to get sighted in right before hunting season.

We only have an indoor range.

Slug guns are MUCH louder than handguns.

I don't go to that range right before hunting season.
 
How 'bout the Lawer/Doctor/Investmentbanker/Computerprogramer(have I offended everone yet?) Who just spent 46 MILLION dollars on the latest Lazzeroniweatherbychristensonarmsmcmillanrobar .30-50BMG eargersplitenloudenboomer so he can shoot a deerelkbearcariboumoose in the next zip code. This is the guy who goes to the range once a year to "sight in" and expects to hit, no that's not right, DROP his query at 900 yds in any conditions, from any position. You ask him how much you have to hold over at 600 yards, and he'll say it shoots SO flat that there's no hold over till 850! Then proceeds to put 2 shots out of 5 on a 12" by 12" target at 200 yds.

Wish I had their budget, glad I don't hunt with them. :)

Rick

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I prefer armed combat to unarmed combat. It's easier on the knuckles.

[This message has been edited by Speedy (edited May 05, 2000).]
 
A variation of pete80's quiet 'real deal' dude: The Loner

His appearance, clothes and gear don't stand out.
Usually gets there early, uses same spot, and always by himself.
Never speaks unless spoken to first.
Is not rude, but makes it plain that he's there for only one purpose.
Believes in safety first and picks up his brass.
Good at what he does, as his targets speak for themselves.

LEO?
Postal Worker?
Terrorist?
Average Guy Next Door?

Admirable, but scary at the same time.
And he's coming to a range near you...




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...defend the 2nd., it protects us all.
No fate but what we make...
 
Don't forget the cop wannabes. They usually hang around in the gunstores instead of ranges with their ball caps,black tee shirts, camo pants, and combat boots. They want to buy a Glock someday because thats what the FBI and State Police carry. Their dream is to be "doorman on a SWAT team" someday but right now they drive a taxi to hone up on pursuit skills. Today they just want to buy some more stuff to hang from their belts but can hardly wait until they become old enough to buy a handgun.
 
"Guns & Ammo Groupie"

Shoots very little (usually badly), talks alot, sounds curiously like he is directly quoting a gun rag writer. That is to say, he reads a lot but doesn't live it.

[This message has been edited by AndABeer (edited May 05, 2000).]
 
How about "In it for the fun, dude"?

Chooses weapons based both on their tactical ability and their interest to him (i.e. buys what suits him).

Goes shooting whenever he gets the chance with his best friend, and often brings a newbie along to introduce them to the sport.

Shoots a qualification course to keep his skills honed and prove that he's capable.

Rest of the time, shoots just to enjoy it.

Does that describe anyone? Oh, and use of the term "he" is only because I don't like "he/she" and it sounds better than "it."
 
Don't forget the range know-it-all. Scientific name Expertus Oneverythingus. He's the one that used to have the same gun you have but he traded it for something better. When you tell him about the next gun you want to buy, he had one of those too. His 7mm Mag will shoot one hole groups at 278 yards with his pet handload of 70 grains of Bullseye and a Horny 240 gr roundnose bullet. His Tasco Waterproof is just as good as your Leupold, you wasted your money. But you just can't buy a good handgun for less than 2 grand. What's he shooting today? He has a Rossi .38 that he customized by cutting off the barrel to 1 and 1/2 inches, bobbed the hammer without removing it from the frame first (those gouges on the frame don't hurt anything, in fact they lighten the gun) and reamed out the cylinders to .357.

When this guy tells me that not everyone should be allowed to own guns, it is really hard not to agree with him.

Halffast

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"I say that big talk is worth doodly-squat." Granny Hawkins from the Outlaw Josey Wales
 
Ok, I'll bite.

Then there's the guy who I'll call "The Technician". He is usually in the booth next-door to mine. This is a very self-contained character. He's totally focused on what he's doing and usually pretty quiet. He usually has short hair about three pistols with him. As you look, you realize there isn't a cheapie amongst them. He shoots them in turn, always hefting them and kinda "grocking" them before putting a couple of mags through each. When you look down the range, you realize he's doing everything at 36 yards and keeping it all within about four inches. His range ettiquette and saftey habits are impeccable. He doesn't even look your way as you and your family plink, but you know he's thinking that the booth wall made of three sheets of 1" bulletproof glass isn't enough. That's okay. If anything goes wrong, you know this guy also probably knows CPR.

Then there's "The Enthusiast". This is the guy who LOVES what he's doing and has chosen his "tools" on the bases of the "smile" factor, and using them does in fact illicit a huge, sloppy grin from him. He's read his manuals and is usually pretty safe. He may have an exotic automatic rifle or a semi-auto with a trigger vibrator attachment to cause simuated auto fire. If he sees you looking over, he'll giggle, waggle his eyebrows, and say, "Come over here and try this crazy thing!", whereupon he'll welcome you to blow off a mag or two of expensive ammo. What a hoot!

Bobbalouie
 
The "surprise" shooter. A slim girl in her early 20s arrives at the range in a new, dark red Ford F-150 regular cab. She takes a minute to get out of the truck because she is changing from high heels to sneakers.

She gets out of the truck wearing a dark suit jacket and skirt and carrying a briefcase. Obviously she came here directly from work. She's also wearing shooting glasses and muffs.

She picks her station. From the briefcase she retrieves a .357 Magnum revolver with 6" barrel, a green plastic box of shells and two sheets of notebook paper.

The "experts" smile at her condescendingly, "Awful big gun, isn't it, girlie?" She ignores them.

She leaves the gun (empty cylinder open) on the table. When it's time, she goes forward and staples her cheap papers to the target frame.

When everybody starts shooting again, she puts 18 rounds of .38 Special into one ragged hole in the left sheet. The "experts" stop smiling.

Then, as she puts 12 rounds of .357 Magnum in the right sheet, the "experts" wince at each shot. She doesn't blink. She scowls at the grapefruit sized pattern. She needs more practice.

Next time the range is clear, she gets her two pieces of paper (which she throws in the trash can), takes her things to her truck and leaves.

My daughter. (Yep, she's married.)
 
Then you got the guy who just finished shooting and walks up and down the range observing what everyone else is doing. Sometimes he asks questions. Sometimes he comments, somtimes he complements you. He's not trying to be a pest. Hes just a gun nut. Like you !


Tim : )

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Why dont you get rid of that nickel plated sissy pistol and get yourself a glock. :::Tommy Lee Jones:::
 
Don't forget "offers use of 22s to those who are trying to *start out* with 357mag snubbies".

I have given much ammo and use of my guns to newbies (along with a little safety advice). Hope to keep them coming back and getting serious about RKBA.

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Oleg "peacemonger" Volk

http://dd-b.net/RKBA
 
Dang it Dennis.... How did I miss her???? GRIN

Actually... I do know lots of little spitfires like her. Texas variant of the species. They tend to live in numerous small towns around here. Had two of them working around the corner from my house. Cute little blonde sisters. Working their way through "The" University. Their dad is LEO. Where were they working?? As safety officers on our local range. :)

REWIND MODE to the first time Bubba saw one them on the range shooting a single ragged hole with a Glock 30 she had just been handed for the first time. Bubba: Darlin, if you can run a Dillon 550, I'll marry you! Spitfire: I can run one with each hand... SIR! OUCH! Did I mention she was 19 and Bubba is an old fart?? :D

Crest fallen Bubba
 
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