Teaching someone who is terrified of guns

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dakota.potts

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I touched on this briefly in another topic but thought it would do good to post here for in depth thoughts.

I'm getting my first pistol soon. I've shot before but haven't had one of my own. When I turn 18 I plan to find the best way to keep a pistol in my car (it's legal here). Having it with me when I'm driving is better than not having it at all. There have been some homicidal road rage incidents here among others that I don't want to touch on too much but suffice it to say I'd rather have it with me some of the time.

My girlfriend, who will probably be in my car 4 or 5 times a week, has stated she doesn't want it to be in the car without knowing how to use it. I agree with this. She has some anxiety at anything that "explodes" (result of a house fire and explosion, I think, that she feels she started) and is terrified of the thought of guns. Her dad owns a rifle and a couple handguns but they are in a safe and she has never seen or used them. She fired her grandpa's rifle when she was younger but for whatever reason had not developed this phobia.

In the end, I have no misconceptions that she'll end up carrying a gun in her daily life. This saddens me but if somebody can't have the mental preparedness it's better for them not to do so. I have no ideas that she may enjoy shooting with me one day or even be happy to have them in the house. However, I do need to get her to the range and teach her. Something like an NRA first steps class is not out of the question but is kind of pricey.

I think she needs to know the rules of gun safety, how to safe the gun, maybe some basic laws, and how to shoot it if it comes to that. I don't know how to do this. She went with us to a gun show once, which was a huge step for her, but it caused her anxiety and she said the sheer amount of guns and the way people feel about them causes her confusion. She's declined to hold several of our visibly locked firearms out of fear of the object itself. So, some questions:

People who have taught people like his before; in your experience, do they react better to a loved one or a professional? She knows and is comfortable with me. I'm not macho and don't have bravado but there is still the possibility of her feeling pressured to do it for me or more upset if she makes a mistake. On the same hand, I don't know if somebody she meets for the first time will be able to connect with her or help her fear.

When it comes to loads, I may be able to get a .22lr conversion (Kadet Kit for CZ 75) and have her shoot that. It is less likely to scare her, but will under prepare her for the gun if she needs to use it one day. Does anybody have relevant input one way or the other?

I feel concerned she may get to the firing range and clam up or become distressed at the first gun shots she hears. Hearing them from a half mile away at an outdoor range distresses her. I jump hearing the first few shots when I roll up to a gun range until I get acclimated. Has anybody had a loved one who was this visibly anxious who managed to learn to shoot safely and maybe even enjoy it?

Again, I don't want to get her primed to carry a gun every day. We both feel that to coexist she should be able to handle one should the need arise.
 
after you get the pistol take it out of the safe and spend some time with her discussing handling, safety, dry firing. Talk with her about how you would use it to defend the home, integrate her into that plan teaching her how to do the same, take your time as long as needed... Dont take her to the range until she is comfortable handling it unloaded.
 
Do you know anyone else who shoots handguns (a professional instructor would be great)? If so, try to get them to help and teach her. Chances are, you trying to teach her to shoot has many possible negative affects on your relationship, and very few positive ones. Once she has a basic understanding of shooting you can let her shoot your CZ75.

Perhaps try to go to the range with her dad, and let him teach her... It would be really nice if he had a .22 pistol.

Now, I say all of this but it is possible for you to teach her how to shoot without any problems. I have been able to teach my girlfriend some basic handgun technique, and we have never had a problem with it. She knows that I don't expect anything from her, and that if she wants to stop for any reason we will.... Unfortunately, she doesn't like to stop shooting and as a result my ammo supply is dwindling :eek:

He only problem that I foresee with you trying to teach her is that you do not have much shooting experience yourself. Not that you couldn't teach her, but I think that it would be best that each of you take a class.
 
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I don't know anyone too well but I am leaning towards seeing if she's willing to work with a professional. Someone who knows teaching safety inside and out and has maybe worked with someone like this in the past.
 
Look for a women's only beggining handgun course. They're everywhere. My wife went to one by Women on Target I think, and she went from afraid of guns to wanting to shoot anything she can get her hands on. It'd be better if you can get one of her friends to go to (offer to pay for both or something like that).
 
The very first hurdle is that she needs to want to learn. It's not about you wanting her to learn. It's about her wanting to.

Gaerek said:
Look for a women's only beggining handgun course.
Click to expand...
Good idea. In any case, the best thing would be to find a good instructor. The objectivity of a stranger who knows what he or she is doing is a big help.

I'm with a group of instructors putting on a monthly NRA Basic Handgun class. Probably 80% to 90% of our students had never touched a real gun before. Our class enrollment run 20% to 40% female. We have students of all ages from early 20s to us more seasoned types. We've had entire families attend together. Most of our student show varying levels of anxiety at handling real guns.

We try to address this by bringing them through the course material in a step-by-step, measured and supportive way.

In addition to the core lectures, we do a lot of "hands-on" work with the students. The students handle a variety of revolvers and semi-autos under direct supervision, one-on-one, of an instructor. They use dummy rounds to load and unload the guns, dry fire and generally learn how things work and feel, and they get continual safety reinforcement.

These initial hands-on exercises help students get familiar with handling gun and lay a foundation for safe gun handling habits. The students begin to realize that although guns can be dangerous they can learn how to handle them safely and that safety is in their hands.

Then in preparation for live fire, and after the "marksmanship" lecture, we work one-on-one with students on grip and stance using "blue" inert training guns.

Before going to live fire with .22s, the students shoot airsoft (the quality type) in the classroom so they can get a feel for sight alignment and trigger control (and reset) without the noise and intimidation factor (for beginners) of firing real ammunition.

After the students fire their 25 rounds of .22 (working one-on-one with an instructor), we put out a variety of guns from 9mm to .44 Magnum so the students can get the experience of firing the larger calibers. Shooting the centerfire guns is at each student's option. Most fire them all, but some choose not to.

When someone has gone through our program, it's not uncommon for her/him to be shooting 1.5 to 2.0 inch groups at seven yards with the heavy calibers. A few months ago, a petite young woman who had never fired any type of gun before out shot everyone, including her husband, with the .44 Magnum -- putting three rounds into about an inch at 7 yards.

Going through our process most students shed a good deal of their initial anxiety. Some remain anxious to a degree but still manage to master their anxiety and perform well. In the last several years only one or two (out of perhaps a couple of hundred) could not complete the class.
 
Frank, that sounds like an awesome environment! I hope we can find one around here that is that supportive and hands-on if she does ultimately want to.

She does not want to be around guns. However, she wants less to be around guns without understanding how to use them. I believe that is the best way to describe what I know of her feelings about them.
 
I run into this quite a bit in my Woman's Only Firearm Safety and Self Defense class.

I start them out in 3-3-3 drills, or three shots, in three seconds at three yards.

Of course a safety course comes first. Then the above drill, with unload firearms. Dry firing. Basically handling the unloaded firearm.

When I move them to shooting, I try to have the timid on the line by themselves, one on one.

I say 3-3-3, that's what I call it, but I start out 1-3-3. Slow, then they work up their speed until they can do 3 shots.

They do a lot of gun handling, I tell them I want that gun as comfortable and as natural in their hands as a cell phone is to a teenage girl.

You'd be surprised, most get over their fear in one night, two at the most, then they start having fun and you've got them hooked.

I also found few like 22s, they want to shoot "real guns" as they call them. Don't let them shoot magnums or plus - P's. I furnish most the ammo and its mild 38s or 9mm's.

Don't let them shoot too much, I keep my class session to two hours. But it's weekly.

Also I stress this is not a "Shooting" Class, its a Self Defense class. That way they don't feel they have to be embarrassed if the don't get little bitty groups. After a few weeks they get competitive on their own. It's a natural evolution.
 
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I've never had one, but if a suppressor or silencer is legal in your state, I'd consider having one for when you introduce your girlfriend to pistol shooting. Combine that with a .22, and I'll bet that once she's comfortable shooting a "quiet pistol" that she'll have fewer problems shooting the .22 sans silencer or even shooting your 9mm.
 
+1 what Frank Ettin said. I volunteer at a local club and helped coach at a beginners pistol class. There is usually 20 students, all women except for a few men; it is not a women only class either. Other than the airsoft portion, the class is run the same way as described above and each student gets their own coach.

lark
 
If your in Washington, I would be glad to help your g/f train on firearms. As a R/O and an instuctor I have helped a good number of people get into shooting.
 
Make sure this isn't a relationship issue. Forcing someone into a position that they don't agree ... Well, at 18 - plenty of time and other folks who might be sympatico.

I see this sometimes as a deeper dominance issue. Go easy if the relationship means something.
 
I know the silence idea was mentioned, don't know about a pellet gun or a 22 rifle.

I would say that the quietest gun might be the 22 rifle and with earplugs and it has no kick. You remove two of the three scariest parts about shooting a gun and you have a chance.

Don't go to a range. The other guns will scare her. Find an outdoor private place to shoot.

If you can't get there, don't push it :)
 
Obviously it will be her ultimate decision. She was the one who brought up learning how to use it if I'm going to have it. I hope she makes that choice, but gun safety is not something you can force somebody to learn or take seriously, and given the stress involved, it wouldn't be worth it to try. Thanks for the advice. It is good to know that this is somewhat normal.
 
I would refrain from letting her wear a low cut blouse to the range, so as to avoid an errant spent hot shell from going into her blouse. A hat or cap is also a good option...not to mention proper eye and hearing protection. Ear plugs are not good enough. Get her a good set of ear muffs that are not worn out, along with ear plugs, if the gun is loud enough.

You'll have to convince her...that the gun is not going to hurt her. Start her off by shooting the pistol off the bench, {at least 10 rounds}, so she can get familar with the trigger.

Shooting any big bore magnums...will probably require a padded shooting glove. Make sure she holds on tight with both hands. Don't make her shoot a big bore magnum, while treating it as some kind of joke; as I've seen some shooter's do. Save the big bore's for later.

Don't let her overextend herself...when she gets tired --- quit shooting for the day. Close range target's will help bulld her confidence.
 
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Where it is possible I have found making a game of shooting (i.e., no discussion of defense, etc.) with a bit of a challenge. And definitely an air gun or at most a .22. Let's be honest, a hot .357, .44 Magnum or .500 S&W will scare the heck out of experienced shooters, let alone a beginner.

A subtle challenge sometimes works, something to the effect of rolling a can, then saying casually, "Of course you aren't up to doing that yet." If the response is "I bet I can", you have a pupil ready to learn.

Jim
 
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