Softest Kicking .357 mag? 4 in barrel!!

If you use an L Frame Smith or a GP100 size Ruger then your concerns about kick are unfounded.

If you use a J Frame Smith then your concerns are valid.

I hate guns that kick so much that you can not get a second shot off accurately. I recently acquired a police turn in GP100 with a 4" barrel. They are nearly identical to the Smith L frame guns in weight and size.

I fired 100 hand loaded Elmer Keith 158 grain jacketed hollow points from the Ruger. These would push the bullet along at over 1200 fps, in fact closer to 1300 fps. Piece of cake to shoot them. No hand pain. Could have easily shot more. I also ran some Federal Nyclad .38 +P ammo through it. Way less recoil than the full house .357 rounds.

I have loaded up some 125 grain Speer Gold Dot hand loads that will run the bullet out over 1400 fps. I am guessing they will recoil less than the 158 grain ammo.

You will get all of the speed and potential out of a .38 +P round through a 4" barrel and you will have less recoil than a hot 9, particularly out of a smaller pistol. The slide on a 9mm soaks up a lot of the recoil, the weight of the revolver does this job with a .357. Even with the hotter .357 rounds I think you will be very pleasantly surprised at how well mannered a 4" .357 really is.
 
I want to get a .357 magnum so that I can feel better about myself.
Handload + bypass the .357Mag. altogether.
Go up to a .41 Mag, .44Mag or a .45 Colt in a S/A.

& yes, I'm serious as a heart attack about this.

I run .45 Colt loads through my Blackhawk that are just a tad above plinker level in felt recoil, yet deliver "magnum" level velocities.
Same with the .44 Magnum, but to a lesser extent.
 
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