what I remember the most is the lack of remembering anything during the event! I remember just before and just after with great sound and picture clarity, but the actual event is a haze, can someone explain that?
I have a theory as to what's going on. Same thing happens to me - at best I'll get a few single-image snapshots of what happened, enough to more or less piece it together.
We know for a fact that our memory comes in two types: a short-term "buffer" between 5 and 10 minutes long, and then a long-term memory storage area. We transfer stuff "that matters" (to us, depends on the person!) from short-term to long-term memory. In my kid brother's case, I know for a fact that at age 15 his "buffer" was about 7-and-a-bit minutes long. He suffered some temporary brain damage and for a while, you could pretty much set your clock by how fast he'd forget something and ask you what time it was. Again. Got downright annoying
. (Yes, he made a full recovery.)
My theory is that under the stress of a life-or-death emergency, our brains shut down or limit some functions, to speed up the processing of everything else. Memory recording seems to get deemed "non-critical", as does emotional responses, smell processing, hearing processing (to some degree) and God only knows what else ('cuz he forgot to write us a %$#^@&^@&% user manual!).
Think about it - we do the same thing with a computer. Ever had to do something calculation-intensive like a huge database sort, or a monster of a video game, and you shut down your web browser or other stuff to make more memory and CPU cycles available?
Here's the good news. In one of my eight "overdrive" situations, it was "combat related" (didn't get all the way to a fight but came damned close, weapons out on both sides). I was able to make correct moral judgments which were then praised by cops, a deputy DA and the innocent victim I dragged out of a horrible mess. What happened was NOT "berzerker rage" at all.
Upshot: as long as you go into the situation without rage, you can trust what will happen next.
I cannot possibly overstress the "don't get angry" thing. ANY of us can go berzerker and it's a horrible and hideously unsafe place to be.
Did that once around age 12, some brat on a playground jumped me from behind and then ran off laughing, I chased, last thing I remember I was just about to catch him, next thing I remember is three two teachers screaming at me while pinning me down. Never EVER again am I going to let that happen!!! I'm almost 45 now and I'm just as committed to not going there as I was that night feeling sick to my stomach. (Fortunately I didn't hurt the little SOB.)