My thoughts:
no matter what we suggest or point you towards, SHE is the one that needs to make the decision it is HER firearm. and just remember, that a well placed .22 is better than a .475 that missed.
Well said, and so very true on both points.
First and foremost, this is
her gun. So she picks it. Period. If you violate this rule you will not get the results you want (her being proficient and actually carrying the gun) and you might as well not read anything that else that I have to say. She picks it, period. Also, as a gunowner (not to mention female) she reserves the right to change her mind. What she wants as a carry gun today she might not like in five years.
Second- don't get hung up on caliber. So long as the round meets some minimal level of damage potential, it should be a viable choice. Where that line is drawn is up to her- but as (presumably) more educated in firearms, you should probably give her guidance. I carry a .380 (a P232, incidentally) off-duty, and I consider the round to be on the weak side of accptable, but still adequate.
Now, in no particular order:
Reliability. Duh. It must go bang
when she shoots it every time. My wife has a nasty habit of limp wristing my P232. She probably jams it once per range session. It almost never jams for me, and certainly hasn't done so since I sent it back to Sig a few thousand rounds ago for a checkup and minor fix.
The P232's heel mag release is not quite as fast as a standard mag release, but I think the major gripes come from people who are used to using the standard release and just never drill doing mag changes with the heel release. My wife can change magazines pretty quickly with the P232. Why? She practices with it, thats why. (If your wife can shoot the P232 reliably- unlike mine, we're working on that- I think it would be a good gun to have her try out).
The BHP is the other top-shelf auto I'd recommend that she consider. Its a classic, it fits small hands, it can carry up to 18 rounds of 9mm.
Also, advice steering her to a small .357 is not bad either. A good .357 (available cheap in the USED section) is always an excellent choice for novice shooters, and if she gets into shooting it will always have a niche in her collection. Remember, .357s can shoot .38spl.
Makarov is also a good choice for a cheap and reliable (utterly reliable) auto. The only problem is that the sights really, truly suck. They're certainly usable, but...man. Pick one up and see what i mean.
Mike