RepublicThunderbolt
New member
Some Bad Things To Do With A Mountain Bike
Buy a new Trek hardtail, head out the next day. Marvel at your newfound prowess in off-road performance, right up to the point you notice the rapidly approaching two-foot dropoff. Discover new V-brakes work much better than those old caliper brakes while vaulting disconcertingly over handbars. Notice the unexpectedly concrete surface having an unkind interface with bone, tendon and skin. Arise from unexpected communion with terra all-to-firma, look around to see if anyone saw you do something so stupid. Wish that right arm still moved when you told it to. Wish ribs didn't move about in such a disqueiting fashion. Debride new soon-to-be road-rash scars. Dread thought of seven-mile "trek" home.
When you get sort of healed up from this, find a nice bit of path with a bunch of nasty thorns to run over, picking up six in the front and five in the rear. Be sure to be going fast enough to not to notice deflating tires until entering a turn, thereby employing your newly patented Metacarpal And Side Of Face braking technique. Regret this was observed by bystanders. Retrieve bike with a "snap of the wrist", literally. Marvel at how you look like a losing boxer in a mirror.
Run your crazy/stupid Labrador on a leash with the bike. He has better brakes. Funny how the stem fits into your groin. Well, not really.
Some Other Thoughts
Wear a helmet. Ditto gloves. Always.
Get protective tire liners to reduce flats. These won't stop everthing (metal wire, drywall screws, sidewall blowouts, etc.), but defray most "biological hazards".
Ironically, I just got a titanium/kevlar SDG saddle for a great price at a going out of business sale. It's a lighter and tougher that my many-holed factory one, but man, is it hard! Upgrade to more pain, yes! I also picked up some new pedals, but found the left pedal won't come off the crank arm. Grrr.
An old Bianchi Ranger fanny pack is part of my standard bike gear. Lots of room for tools, tubes and stuff.
RepublicThunderbolt, a Flatlander "Mountain" Cyclist
[This message has been edited by RepublicThunderbolt (edited June 22, 2000).]
Buy a new Trek hardtail, head out the next day. Marvel at your newfound prowess in off-road performance, right up to the point you notice the rapidly approaching two-foot dropoff. Discover new V-brakes work much better than those old caliper brakes while vaulting disconcertingly over handbars. Notice the unexpectedly concrete surface having an unkind interface with bone, tendon and skin. Arise from unexpected communion with terra all-to-firma, look around to see if anyone saw you do something so stupid. Wish that right arm still moved when you told it to. Wish ribs didn't move about in such a disqueiting fashion. Debride new soon-to-be road-rash scars. Dread thought of seven-mile "trek" home.
When you get sort of healed up from this, find a nice bit of path with a bunch of nasty thorns to run over, picking up six in the front and five in the rear. Be sure to be going fast enough to not to notice deflating tires until entering a turn, thereby employing your newly patented Metacarpal And Side Of Face braking technique. Regret this was observed by bystanders. Retrieve bike with a "snap of the wrist", literally. Marvel at how you look like a losing boxer in a mirror.
Run your crazy/stupid Labrador on a leash with the bike. He has better brakes. Funny how the stem fits into your groin. Well, not really.
Some Other Thoughts
Wear a helmet. Ditto gloves. Always.
Get protective tire liners to reduce flats. These won't stop everthing (metal wire, drywall screws, sidewall blowouts, etc.), but defray most "biological hazards".
Ironically, I just got a titanium/kevlar SDG saddle for a great price at a going out of business sale. It's a lighter and tougher that my many-holed factory one, but man, is it hard! Upgrade to more pain, yes! I also picked up some new pedals, but found the left pedal won't come off the crank arm. Grrr.
An old Bianchi Ranger fanny pack is part of my standard bike gear. Lots of room for tools, tubes and stuff.
RepublicThunderbolt, a Flatlander "Mountain" Cyclist
[This message has been edited by RepublicThunderbolt (edited June 22, 2000).]