but how does a laymen without gauges measure headspace and how do you measure COL?
Without a micrometer you can't measure headspace, but your rifle will tell you what it likes.
For example, I have one .30-06 rifle, a Savage, that likes a 150 grain bullet and RL19 powder. However the load it likes best acts like it's toying with high pressure, but in the charts it's a mid-range load. Great velocity, magnificent accuracy, but the bolt starts to get a little sticky and the primers are flattened. So, in my rifle that's as high as I'm going with that particular combination.
Every reloader needs a caliper. They're fairly inexpensive for a digital and even
an inexpensive one will help you tremendously.
COL is fairly easy to find in a particular rifle. Using your rifle, your brass and your bullet, take a hacksaw and cut a slit down the neck. Seat a bullet long in that empty cartridge, color that bullet liberally with a felt-tip marker and chamber it. Then extract it gently, taking care to not leave the bullet in the throat. You should see marks where the bullet touched the rifling or throat of the barrel. That's the "jammed" length. Seat the bullet 0.010 shorter than that.
Different bullets have different ogive profiles, so if you change bullets you'll need to repeat the process, but the process above will give you a starting point and show how long you should load your ammo.