I used to love gophers!
I was once married to a girl who loved her garden. We had a house on three acres, about nine miles out of town. I worked pretty hard at keeping the lawn nice, but I hated working in her garden.
The gophers invaded, and I tried water, biowar, chem warfare, etc. No luck.
Finally, it dawned on me to convince my wife that the gophers would eventually eat the roots in her vegetable garden. (I have no idea that such a thing is possible, but I was very convincing.)
This panicked my bride, and she threw a fit; insisting that I shoot everyone of those *&^%$# pests.
Thus, instead of being allowed to help pull weeds, I was forced to sit in the shade with a scoped Winchester Model 74 full of hollowpoints.
This was very thirsty work, and I would usually have a beer or two while keeping a vigil eye out for the intruders.
The most memorable kill came on an October afternoon, when we hosted a barbeque for my customers and their families. I was a fishing guide at the time.)
There were about fifty of us sitting under the trees, eating brisket from Dozier's in Fulshear, TX, and sipping suds from the keg.
My neighbors' son dropped his plate, pointed behind me and yelled "GOPHER!". I turned, and sure enough, right in front of my reloading shack sat one of the insidious tunnel rats, looking like he owned the place.
My wife looked horror stricken, and I knew I had to act. Dashing inside, I grabbed the first gun I could find; a Browning Citori 12 gauge O/U.
I ran through the kitchen, hearing customers' wives scream, "Oh my God, he's got a gun!!"
Past the grilled chicken, around the potato salad and hurdling the beer keg, I closed to killing range, dropped to one knee and let him have it.
Both barrels.
Pandemonium ensued. The volleyball game was abandoned, as parents grabbed their children in horror. My brother choked on a piece of chicken and spewed Bud Light through his nostrils.
Larry Bozka, nationally known outdoor writer laughed so hard he dropped his guitar and fell out of his chair.
My wife was pissed.
I'm single now, and she still has the house. Word is, she's married to a nice guy that's really handy around the place.
But I'll bet money he never got those gophers.