Persuading Wife to Carry

G

GI Sandv

New member
My wife and I got our carry permits a few months back. I was carrying that day. My wife, however, has not come to the point of wanting to carry yet. Of course, I spent 15 months in Iraq and have plenty of experience carrying a weapon and not accidentally shooting myself or anyone else. She doesn't have that experience. Also, however, she's a much more reluctant person and doesn't take to changes as readily as I do. I've realized that I need to "drag" her to the range more often. She prefers to not hang out in loud places with guys standing around talking about guns on her weekends off. Of course, I don't understand. Also, I'm planning to get her a gun of her own for Christmas. I think these two things--increasing her familiarity with shooting and handling a weapon--will make the thought of carrying less intimidating.

Has anyone else had a similar experience, whether with a spouse or themselves? There's a big difference between us in terms of the danger we sense. I'm always concerned about the next corner and my wife just isn't. I think she also feels safer because I'm already carrying. I pointed out that we're not always together but that didn't seem to gain much traction. I'm trying to think of ways of increasing her awareness without being pushy and overbearing. What has everyone else found effective (or ineffective) at persuading their spouse to consider carrying?
 
My wife and I were talking about this last night (after watching the latest Walking Dead episode).

She was saying how she just isn't ready to carry yet, and we talked about how it really is best not to carry until one has made the decision that one is ready to use a weapon if needed.

More dangerous to carry a weapon and be hesitant to use it, in that it'll get taken from you and used against you.

If your wife wants to carry someday, she'll let you know.
 
I suggest maybe signing her up for some basic CCW training courses.
Hopefully, more training and time spent with the weapon will gain her the confidence needed to feel more comfortable carrying.

Take the classes with her and show her some support. ;)

JMO
 
I suggest treating her like an adult and allowing her to make her own choices in life.

No one likes to be pressured.

It sounds like it's actually more your issue than her's.
 
+ 2 ^ CCW is a personal choice, one that you can not make for her. My wife carries but does not practice as much as I would like. I also made the mistake of getting a gun that I thought would be great for her, it was sold and she picked out her own gun.

Carrying is making a commitment to defend yourself with lethal force, not every one is willing to do that.
 
Yep, personal choice. Support her in whatever she decides, offer guidance, but don't push her. I've learned this with my wife, and it applies to a lot more than just guns and CCW. I know if I push whatever issue to far, it will only generate resentment and often times the opposite result I was hoping for.:o
 
Been struggling with similar issues myself with my own wife. She knows I would like for her to carry, but she also is self-aware enough to know that she's not ready to carry, and possibly not willing to use the gun in the event it is needed. I don't pressure her, and I certainly haven't bought a gun for her... I don't want her carrying unless she's committed to it.

I would definitely refer her to Corneredcat.com ... fantastic website. I read it for myself every once in a while, just because the thought process is laid out so well and I feel like a reminder of all that Pax has put together doesn't hurt. My wife read it and was intrigued... I think that reading that website put her closer to carrying and being OK with SD weapons than anything I could have ever done or said. She doesn't complain about my carry guns anymore, either.

I will also second what others have said... do NOT buy her a gun. She MUST pick her own gun. Give her information, let her try as many as she wants, make sure she understands that little cute guns kick worse than big ones, and keep in mind that the right gun for you is likely NOT the right gun for her. The gun you THINK is the right gun for her isn't. And don't get her too caught up in calibers... women tend to shy away from muzzle blast and recoil more than men (not all, of course, some are power junkies!) and it's important to remember that she be able to get rounds on target quickly, and what she's shooting is secondary most of the time.

Guns are an interesting area that reveals the difference between the sexes in a way that few other things do.
 
Yep, personal choice and pushing the issue will only make her even more resistant.

Mine doesn't like guns at all, despite being raised around them. She will shoot with me on occasion, but I think only to humor me (I'll take what i can get).

Then again, just because she doesn't like them doesn't mean she can't use 'em effectively.

A gun of her own is a good first step, but be sure to let her choose her own. Maybe pair it with something she wants as well if its an x-mas gift;)
 
mine also has her carry permit but she has not & will not carry, nor can I drag her to the range; it just doesn't make sense!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!:confused::confused::confused:
 
Thanks for the responses. I should briefly clarify that when I say I'm planning on getting her a gun of her own, it's because she said that's what she wants. I also intend to take her shopping for one, including trying a few out at the range. I don't plan on picking one for her.

She's also shot our full size XD9 plenty and feels fairly comfortable with it. I would like to take her to the range because she always feels more confident after about 20-30 rounds. But then when she doesn't shoot for a few weeks/months, that confidence receds.

In the end, I'm not trying to force her. I am however trying to expose her to more information, especially from women, who have made the decision to carry. Special thanks to Glenn Meyer for pointing out the Corneredcat website. I showed my wife and, when I returned home a few hours later, she was happily reading the site. (She especially likes it because Kathy Jackson is an editor for Concealed Carry Magazine. My wife is also an editor.) At this point, it seems that my wife would like to carry at some point. It's more a matter of becoming comfortable with the process.
 
My girl had her permit and saw the value in carrying but just didn't for whatever reason. Well, one day she came home alone and the door was wide open and she was obvioulsy scared. She didn't have her gun. She would have to go through several rooms to get it.

Certainly, the best thing to do in this situation is to leave and call the police but she went in the house. False alarm, no one inside and nothing missing (she probably forgot to close the door... ;)). Ever since then she carrys her G19 in her Galco concealed carry purse 24/7. The lesson is---you never know when you'll need it.
 
It's more a matter of becoming comfortable with the process.
Click to expand...

Not wishing to stereotype, but becoming comfortable with the process is exactly right for many women. For something they are inherently uncomfortable with, being nurturers, the thought of potentially employing lethal force is something they must come to grips with slowly.

I initially brought up carry with my wife, who is a momma bear on top of being a nurturer, more than a year before we took the class. During the months before taking the plunge, we had a lot of discussions about safety, situational awareness, keeping the guns out of the hands of unauthorized users, scenarios, legalities, etc..., and she had been shooting for many years. When carrying was first brought up, she was ready from the reasoning angle, but it took a while to get there emotionally. She now carries 24/7/365 where legal to do so, including at home.
 
4 months ago my wife got her LTC. She had bought me an M4 for Christmas and I bought her a Ruger SR9C. The process in MA can take a while till you get your LTC in hand. So needless to say she was excited about getting it. When it came in that very night she had put on her holster and loaded it up with her gun. I at first thought, ok she is excited and wanted to carry. So I asked her if she wanted to go shooting on the up comimg Saturday to practice different drawing and carry techniques.

To my surprise she told me she had been trying different holsters with different clothing styles to see which combo worked best for her. And one night i came upstairs to ask her to help me with something in the basement, I called for her and recieved no answer, I had assumed she was playing her computer card game. When I got into the bed room she was practicing drawing her unloaded weapon.

She now loves to carry and loves shooting even more. And I now have someone on my 6. The only thing she wants now is her own M4. She has been around firearms as long as she has been with me, 29 years. I think the fact she has been around them for so long has made her very comfortable when it comes to carrying her own weapon.
 
Persuade her to carry

Get her a gun that she likes and is confortable with.
Let her select the holster or pocket-book carry she likes.
Whe you/she goes out make sure/ask her if she is armed.
 
From what you posted I'm guessing she doesn't have that much experience? Instead of getting her a carry gun I'd get her a .22. Something like a Ruger MkIII - will run you about $250.

She can practice with it to gain confidence while avoiding most of the loud flash/boom and recoil of a larger caliber (not to mention cost). Once she gets more confident in her ability to shoot, she'll probably be more receptive to the idea of carrying.
 
before and after

My first wife recognized the logic of having a constant companion after she was raped.

My second wife gained similar logic before I went away for a 12-week training program.

Both chose snubnose 38s. And my second (and current) wife also snitched one of my 4" GP100s for woods-walking.
 
Comfort, enjoying the weapon, LET HER PICK

After training and shooting with many many women, one mistake is made by well intentioned partners, don't pick your ladies gun!

Take your wife to a firearms instructor, or someone who has a selection of weapons for her to "play and shoot". Women are just like men, they don't all like the same weapon!

I have had 60 year old first time shooter, LOVE and not miss with the 1911 45, as compared to 90 pound lady just not comfortable with anything but a 22 handgun to start. Carry guns if worn ON the body as they should be (purses are likely the first thing stolen or dropped in an altercation) have to be small, non-obrusive, and ladies clothing generally isn't made for a stiff belt like mens. The small light KAHR 380 might be something she can wear without it pulling her waist band down all day! No lady likes to change her entire way of dressing to hide a gun, they have a style, you need to find a carry weapon and holster that she is comfortable with. She also needs to get comfortable with WHY she is carrying and be skilled, and mentally and physically prepared to use that weapon. If she is not, the likelyhood that an agressor will take her weapon from her is high. Find some training, women also learn say, why didn't my husband teach me that way....it's like everything else, few can put emotions and other stuff behind them when it's the partner teaching them. Some can, but many do better learning the basics and making it fun with a trainer. Keep in mind, if it hurts her hand, it's not fun, if she is afraid, it's not fun, she needs to start small, build skill, muscle memory just like MEN!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top