Minor rant on "what if" scenarios...

D

Dr.Rob

Staff Alumnus
Now I'm not talking about our comedy bits here kids (ie what if you were stranded on a desert island with salma hayek etc) i mean the:

"WHAT IF a SCUMBAG BIKER GANG surrounded your house/car/double wide and they had wild BEARS/WOLVES/COUGARS/Pit BULLS On CRACK and wanted to kill/maim/eat/rape/sell me magazine subscriptions. Would my (insert overkilling dinosaur stopping ultra handcannon stuffed with armor piercing frangible tracer wonder slugs filled with dupleted uranium/ semi auto laser sighted wanna be assault-battle rifle with a ninety round drum/flat black tac-lited side saddled choate stocked 12 guage full of flamethrowing flechette tactical buckshot tungsten slugs) stop these EVIL/COMMUNISTIC RIGHT TO FART/BREED/WEAR FLOWERS IN THIER HAIR/DOPE SMOKERS/JACK BOOTED/ bad guys...
IF THEY WERE WEARING BODY ARMOR???


The Answer once and FOR all is NO.

You are obviously a complete idiot to have MOVED to a place with BIKER MUTANTS who Own body armor and pit bulls that snort crack and drink blood LIVE. Of course Apparently THEY are SO STUPID that they themselves are NOT armed with bazookas and miniguns you wish you had in your arsenal when they come to steal YOUR 10 year supply of charmin and a that stamp that uncle louie gave you when you were five and SWORE was worth a million dollars.

The Bikers WILL eat/rape/kill/maim and sell you ALL the magazines in the world you hate. yes we KNOW that's how you got that subscription to DOG FaNCY.. BIKERS made you do it.

Wild animals will overrun your camp ripping you and your family to shreds... even those at the zoo are secretly watching you and saying "dammit if it wasn't for these bars i'd rip that yahoo a new one" (especially the pygmy marmosets.. they REALLY have it in for you... oh and the harp seals aren't to pleased with your insistance on throwing out soda pop connectors intact)

Stay out of the woods... avoid the cities.. they are FAR TOO DANGEROUS for you.
STAY PARANOID. PLEASE. Crawl Back into your bomb shelter... rest your head on 5 years worth of pork and beans.. and dream lusty heroic fanatsy dreams where you get the girl.. cause I'm SURE your significant other has already decided your paranoia was bad for thier collective health. The rest of us are thankful you don't breed.

;)


Ok now having said all that.. we all have a little of that "what if" in us, I just wish once in a while some one would say "why the HECK did ya get yourself surrounded by biker mutants/agressive bo weevils etc???"

Our big brains are our deadliest weapons... I for one would like to see them used a little more often.


OFF my soapbox and awaiting your input,

Dr.Rob



[This message has been edited by Dr.Rob (edited December 01, 1999).]
 
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I just wish once in a while some one would say "why the HECK did ya get yourself surrounded by biker mutants/agressive bo weevils etc???"[/quote]

They do, they do! Every time I ask about those mutant bikers!
 
Dr. Rob, you are the Dave Berry of the gun world. You should have your own monthly column in Guns magazine or something.

I hate Marmosets. :)
 
Well, OK, good points Dr. Rob ... but, what if the slugs were not depleted Uranium, but were just lead ...? What then, huh? ;)
 
Well, now, if brains were as reliable as guns, they wouldn't be going off half-cocked so danged often...

For a lot of folks, every morning is a brand new world. And things happen by accident.

Item: I had not been long here in the desert; folks didn't know me too well. One day I showed up at a local hangout with my truck all nice and clean:

"Art, you sure are lucky."
"How so?", sez me.
"To have enough water to wash your truck, here in a desert."
"What's luck got to do with it?", sez me.
"Well, having that much water!"
"Ya mean, I couldn't a dunnit on purpose? Picked a place with good water?", sez me.
"Oh."

We're a little short on biker gangs and marmosets, here, also...

:), Art
 
From my experience with bikers (especially if they have wild bears), is to offer 'em a beer, and get on their good side!
Who knows, they may come in handy one day. ;)

------------------
Happiness is a tight group!
 
Talk to the Bikers.
Request that they retain all daily droppings from their Pit Bulls to fertilze your garden. Offer them the fruits of your garden while eating a BLT.
Smile and giggle as you recall the expression on Grandmas' face as you slipped her the toungue at your 10th birthday party.
Tell them you feel crack and cannibus are overrated and risky-Point to the poison ivy patch, and tell them what a great high it can produce, plus the leaves look great in your hair instead of stupid flowers.
Focus a lot of attention on the local cat that seems to always wander around the neighborhood-Make an offhand remark about streaming, boiling or roasting vs BBQ.
If you like cats,substitue earthworms or cockroaches for the last one.Ask that they keep all the dead roaches from thier dwelling and offer to pay a penny apiece for them. 'splain that it's cheaper than pretzels.
Show them an apricot,inside of a jar filled with a semi clear fluid, and tell them this is part of the sex-change operation you are going through, kind of a scrapbook entry of your life. Break into a chorus of "I've got to be Me"-Ask if they want to see the scars.
Pick your nose a lot while talking to them.-"Splain that good old fashioned silk handkerchiefs keep your "Bedtime Snack" fresher than a kleenex ever could.
Constantly flick a lighter and explain that for some reason fire is your god.-Helps if you singe the hair off your arm, and tell them you really wanted to cauterize the wound from your operation, but they wouldn't wake you up to do it.Use the lighter to burn little houses made out of a few of the magazines they sell you. Make sure the little houses you make out of the magazines look a lot like the ones they live in.
Ask if you can borrow a pair of needle nose pliers to rip off one of your toenails, just because you want to feel the rush is produces.-Better than mainlining poison ivy.

Speak in words that rhyme a lot. Ask them what rhymes with orange.
Get youself one of those stiff leash things that lets you walk your invisible dog.-Make sure you walk the invisible dog out to the mailbox every day.-For best effect, fashion a watch cap made of tin foil and wear it.
Rant and rave over the price of stamps. Throw a real fit and recall the good old days when an unsealed letter only cost 4 cents to mail.
Drink really warm beer.-Offer them one.-For best effect, do this at a gettogether at your place for a BBQ session. Walk around all the while, giggle and say "Meow"--HAHA-Not in our neighborhood no more"

In short, give them the impression that their property value is about to go down instead of yours. They may not move, but they will give you a wide berth. Let your neighbors fend for themselves, you only have so many toenails to spare.

------------------
CCW for Ohio action site.
http://www.ofcc.net
Do what you C.A.N.

http://thematrix.acmecity.com/digital/237/cansite/can.html
 
Hal,

Tin Foil in your hat doesn't stop the satellites from stealing your thoughts.. its a common misconception. Though in a pinch the zombies/mutants MAY mistake your skull for jiffy-pop and ignore you entirely.

Thanks for the tips on "urban camoflauge". ;)

But toenails?? uggg (I shuddered at that one).

Had a friend who INSISTED in inviting the mormons/jehovah's witnesses/avon ladies/friends of the trees/local city council members into the house whenever they dropped by to drop of some literature, sell something or press the flesh... once he got them inside he'd begin his latest crazed theory about micky mouse and the kennedy assasination and the coming of Zippy the space poodle or some nonsense, pretty soon he was on EVERYONE's list as the house to avoid. Lucky for him the girlscouts started selling cookies in front of the grocery stores.. he had a serious addiction to thin mints.

I guess today's lesson is look/act wierder than the people you are afraid of. ;)

Glad I could give you kids a few laughs,

Dr.Rob
 
Warm beer, Hal? You've crossed the line now. Yuck! Moderator! Close this thread!

Dr. Rob - you make a good point with your rant. I've started on a few "what if" posts myself, but after reviewing Lucibella's Law ("Think twice, post once") I've reconsidered. I don't believe, however, all "what if" tactical type posts are foolish or in vain. I think one of the points of posting and lurking on a boards like this is to get educated.

Sounds like you were more PO'ed about some of the mental you-know-what that sometimes goes on.
 
I like my discading SABOT, API, tungstien fletchet MAGsafe, hydrashock shooting LesBaer custom 1911 drum-fed 20mm.
 
Ckurts,
Gee, golly, I really would like to close this thread for you but "what if" someone else had something they wanted to add and "what if" they didn't want me to close this thread before they had a chance to add their comments about "what if" to this "what if" thread.

(It's okay, guys, I'll go get a warm beer and I'll be all better. chuckle! :D)
 
What if I was serious?
;)
Naw. Needle nose just don't work all that well. Multi tool maybe ;) Actually, room temp beer is an aquired taste, but not all of them are drinkable at less than absolute zero. Old Frothingslosh and Old Dutch spring to mind, as well as Rolling Rock and Old German. Hmm, notice the Old something pattern?

Dr. Rob,
What if YOU were serious? ;)

------------------
CCW for Ohio action site.
http://www.ofcc.net
Do what you C.A.N.

http://thematrix.acmecity.com/digital/237/cansite/can.html
 
Now this is a true story... I was in a bar about 20 years ago when this biker came in, sat down next to me and started to give me a rash of Sh**. It was quite plain that he was trying to start a fight. I took my pocket knife out, opened it up and stuck it into my right leg leaving the knife stuck there quivering. Looked him in the eye and told him, that I was sorry, but I was having a bad day and did not want any of his sh**. He got up and left without saying another word.

Never mentioned to him that my right leg is false.



------------------
Richard

The debate is not about guns,
but rather who has the ultimate power to rule,
the People or Government.
RKBA!
 
hehehe

Oh I'm serious as a heart attack when i want to be but generally my little rants are reminders that we need to laugh at ourselves sometimes.

Thanks for all the compliments gang. So which gun rag shall I start shipping materials to??

Maybe i can finally get my trip to africa out of being a free lance journalist? Maybe big time manufacturers will send me FREE STUFF for endorsing thier products.. (like that guy with his $60 a box of bear snuffing bullets ;) ) maybe Ted Nugent will invite me up to the ranch.. maybe I can FINALLY get to meet the guys at SOF... maybe maybe maybe...

Maybe I should not have had the double latte with breakfast. ;)

Dr.Rob
 
hehe,
I wondered for a bit what prompted this minor rant. I guess we will all have to bear witness that rants and what if's, are a part of being here.

;)

------------------
CCW for Ohio action site.
http://www.ofcc.net
Do what you C.A.N.

http://thematrix.acmecity.com/digital/237/cansite/can.html
 
Jeez, Bookkie! Please don't ever do your little trick around me unless the Paramedics and Cardiologists are on hand! OK?

(The "Trembler" goes to get a beer - a COLD one!)
 
The Firing Line is not a website promotive of paranoid meaningless, purposeless, aimless rant. However, this seems to be meaningful, constructive and in good taste.

P.S. Bookie, you're a mean hombre with a blade and on patrol, I'd want you for a partner. You can break up a lot of fights with that one.

------------------
Vigilantibus et non dormientibus jura subveniunt
 
If you are an over-wieght, middle aged man like me, magazine salesmen and jehovahs witnesses never stay long if you answer the door naked except for a cowboy hat. Hiding one hand behind your back helps a lot too. Don't do this to girl scouts, their cookies are too good. (Or to cops. They have no sense of humour at all.)
 
Do people really drink beer cold? Some people just have too much time on their hands.

What if....Y2K stops all ice production?
 
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