Now I'm not talking about our comedy bits here kids (ie what if you were stranded on a desert island with salma hayek etc) i mean the:
"WHAT IF a SCUMBAG BIKER GANG surrounded your house/car/double wide and they had wild BEARS/WOLVES/COUGARS/Pit BULLS On CRACK and wanted to kill/maim/eat/rape/sell me magazine subscriptions. Would my (insert overkilling dinosaur stopping ultra handcannon stuffed with armor piercing frangible tracer wonder slugs filled with dupleted uranium/ semi auto laser sighted wanna be assault-battle rifle with a ninety round drum/flat black tac-lited side saddled choate stocked 12 guage full of flamethrowing flechette tactical buckshot tungsten slugs) stop these EVIL/COMMUNISTIC RIGHT TO FART/BREED/WEAR FLOWERS IN THIER HAIR/DOPE SMOKERS/JACK BOOTED/ bad guys...
IF THEY WERE WEARING BODY ARMOR???
The Answer once and FOR all is NO.
You are obviously a complete idiot to have MOVED to a place with BIKER MUTANTS who Own body armor and pit bulls that snort crack and drink blood LIVE. Of course Apparently THEY are SO STUPID that they themselves are NOT armed with bazookas and miniguns you wish you had in your arsenal when they come to steal YOUR 10 year supply of charmin and a that stamp that uncle louie gave you when you were five and SWORE was worth a million dollars.
The Bikers WILL eat/rape/kill/maim and sell you ALL the magazines in the world you hate. yes we KNOW that's how you got that subscription to DOG FaNCY.. BIKERS made you do it.
Wild animals will overrun your camp ripping you and your family to shreds... even those at the zoo are secretly watching you and saying "dammit if it wasn't for these bars i'd rip that yahoo a new one" (especially the pygmy marmosets.. they REALLY have it in for you... oh and the harp seals aren't to pleased with your insistance on throwing out soda pop connectors intact)
Stay out of the woods... avoid the cities.. they are FAR TOO DANGEROUS for you.
STAY PARANOID. PLEASE. Crawl Back into your bomb shelter... rest your head on 5 years worth of pork and beans.. and dream lusty heroic fanatsy dreams where you get the girl.. cause I'm SURE your significant other has already decided your paranoia was bad for thier collective health. The rest of us are thankful you don't breed.
Ok now having said all that.. we all have a little of that "what if" in us, I just wish once in a while some one would say "why the HECK did ya get yourself surrounded by biker mutants/agressive bo weevils etc???"
Our big brains are our deadliest weapons... I for one would like to see them used a little more often.
OFF my soapbox and awaiting your input,
Dr.Rob
[This message has been edited by Dr.Rob (edited December 01, 1999).]
"WHAT IF a SCUMBAG BIKER GANG surrounded your house/car/double wide and they had wild BEARS/WOLVES/COUGARS/Pit BULLS On CRACK and wanted to kill/maim/eat/rape/sell me magazine subscriptions. Would my (insert overkilling dinosaur stopping ultra handcannon stuffed with armor piercing frangible tracer wonder slugs filled with dupleted uranium/ semi auto laser sighted wanna be assault-battle rifle with a ninety round drum/flat black tac-lited side saddled choate stocked 12 guage full of flamethrowing flechette tactical buckshot tungsten slugs) stop these EVIL/COMMUNISTIC RIGHT TO FART/BREED/WEAR FLOWERS IN THIER HAIR/DOPE SMOKERS/JACK BOOTED/ bad guys...
IF THEY WERE WEARING BODY ARMOR???
The Answer once and FOR all is NO.
You are obviously a complete idiot to have MOVED to a place with BIKER MUTANTS who Own body armor and pit bulls that snort crack and drink blood LIVE. Of course Apparently THEY are SO STUPID that they themselves are NOT armed with bazookas and miniguns you wish you had in your arsenal when they come to steal YOUR 10 year supply of charmin and a that stamp that uncle louie gave you when you were five and SWORE was worth a million dollars.
The Bikers WILL eat/rape/kill/maim and sell you ALL the magazines in the world you hate. yes we KNOW that's how you got that subscription to DOG FaNCY.. BIKERS made you do it.
Wild animals will overrun your camp ripping you and your family to shreds... even those at the zoo are secretly watching you and saying "dammit if it wasn't for these bars i'd rip that yahoo a new one" (especially the pygmy marmosets.. they REALLY have it in for you... oh and the harp seals aren't to pleased with your insistance on throwing out soda pop connectors intact)
Stay out of the woods... avoid the cities.. they are FAR TOO DANGEROUS for you.
STAY PARANOID. PLEASE. Crawl Back into your bomb shelter... rest your head on 5 years worth of pork and beans.. and dream lusty heroic fanatsy dreams where you get the girl.. cause I'm SURE your significant other has already decided your paranoia was bad for thier collective health. The rest of us are thankful you don't breed.
Ok now having said all that.. we all have a little of that "what if" in us, I just wish once in a while some one would say "why the HECK did ya get yourself surrounded by biker mutants/agressive bo weevils etc???"
Our big brains are our deadliest weapons... I for one would like to see them used a little more often.
OFF my soapbox and awaiting your input,
Dr.Rob
[This message has been edited by Dr.Rob (edited December 01, 1999).]