Lawyers

G

Grayfox

New member
There's been alot of serious conversation in these forums about lawyers, lawsuits and the general poor condition of the legal system. So what say we lighten things up for a while and share some of our favorite lawyer jokes? If there are any lawyers here, I offer my most sincere appologies in advance. After all if you're here, you must be one of the good guys,right?

Rich- if I'm out of line here feel free to shut this thread down. No offense will be taken.

Now that I've got the legal disclaimers taken care of-

What do you call 5000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!

Why does Wahington D.C. have the most lawyers in the nation while New Jersey has the most toxic waste dumps?
Jersey got first pick!

Why are scientist now using lawyers for lab experiments instead of rats?
1. There are more lawyers than rats.
2. There's no chance of getting emotionally attached to a lawyer.
3. There are some things a rat just won't do!
:) :) :) :)
 
Durn...and I thought this might be a thread on a new type of mobile target ! ;)

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"The Gun from Down Under !"
 
Tasteless thread, Grayfox. Oughtta be shut down immediately.
Rich
ps: What's the difference between a dead lawyer and dead snake in the middle of the road?

The snake has skid marks in front of it.
(ba-dump-bump).
 
The current definition of economic waste is a busload of lawyers going off a cliff with an empty seat.

What do you have when you have 4 lawyaers up their necks in quicksand?
Not enough quicksand.

Why won't rattlesnakes bite lawyers?
Professional courtesy.

Then there was the young lady who embarrassedly asked her doctor if it was possible to get pregnant from anal sex. The doc assured her that it was a legitimate concern as he told her, "afterall, where do you think all the lawyers come from?"

What's the difference betwen a lawyer and a catfish?
One is a scum-sucking, garbage-eating, bottom feeder, the other is just a fish.

What's the difference betwen a dead lawyer in the road and a dead snake in the road?
There'd be skid marks in front of the snake. (oops! sorry Rich, this one's been around and around -)

It's 99% of the lawyers that give the rest a bad name.

And the worst one: The Congerss of the United States is over 80% lawyers.

Litigeously yours in DC, M2


[This message has been edited by Mike in VA (edited 01-28-99).]
 
A terrorist group hijacked a charter jet packed with lawyers headed for a convention in L.A., forcing it to land in Vegas. They demanded the release of all political prisoners in Uganda, along with twenty million dollars and a small, private plane to take them out of the country.

They showed they meant business by releasing a lawyer every hour until their demands were met.
 
This is a shameful thread, after all most lawyers, well some lawyers, okay a few lawyers, would you believe one lawyer, is good and Honest?

Oh well here's mine.

Why should lawyers be buried face down?
Encase they wake up and start digging.

Why should lawyers be buried 10 feet under?
Because Deep Down they're not so bad.

What is the Differance between a Lawyer and a Chicken?
The Chicken- Clucks Defiance. while the Lawyer- *&%@# the Clients!

[This message has been edited by Raymond VanDerLinden (edited 01-28-99).]
 
Never trust a Lawyer, Iought to know Ive got 4 as brther-in-laws!!! :D
KILL"EM ALL! :)

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Justice for one,Justice for all.
 
Q: What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane?
A: Skeet.

Q: What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A: A tick falls off of you when you die.
 
Dont kill all the lawyers. We need them to put toe tags on the Harvard MBAs. After that then we can shoot the lawyers.

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Vinny
 
Its fun to make of fun of lawyers. I particularly liked the TV beer ad at the rodeo showing "your wife's divorce lawyer" being released from the pen being chased by a roper.

But all kidding aside. If we as a society hate lawyers so much, why do we elect so many of them as state legislators, congressman, etc. If we want to reduce their influence as a class or interest group, we shouldn't elect them to represent us.
 
A guy walks into a bar and, after having had several drinks, shouts,"All lawyers are worthless jerks!" Another guy at the other end of the bar stands up and says, "I resent that remark." 1st guy, "Why, are you a lawyer?" 2nd guy, "No, I'm a jerk." - Doc
 
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